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The heart is a very fragile thing. Depending on the person it belongs to, it can either be worn like a badge upon their sleeve, or closely guarded and locked away for an exponential amount of time. I've always wondered why my heart lay in particular. Sometimes it seems I guard it for life, and other times, it seems I wear it on my sleeve for open assault. I remember the period when Naoto and Naori died. For a moment, I don't think anyone believed I had a heart left anymore. My husband was afraid of me, we lost our children, and I felt nothing but darkness, darkness, darkness.
Even with Roan, I know how much he loves me, and I believe he knows how much I love him. But it will never happen between us, and we both know and respect that and each other. I appreciate the care and concern he had shown since Adrian brought me back to the Guild. I had a strange dream in the midst of my delirium. It was a memory, back when I took my job too seriously. Back when I was notorious for killing recklessly. I was a reaper of broken lives, because I thought my own life had been broken. Even when OXY sent Them to destroy me, I was unstoppable. Nothing could touch me, and nothing could penetrate my defenses.
I think even then, Roan knew what I was doing was wrong, but still he stood by me, my Elegant Darkness. The Shadow who follows me everywhere. He truly is the best friend I could ever have. All those nights, lingering like ghosts, lost in a child-like mindset with twisted morbid obsessions of killing Them. Night after Night, deafning screetch. They are what OXY has defined as efficient killing machines. They are like raptors--intelligent, deadly, equipped and enforced with mechanical operants. It's a mirable Roan and I have lived so long. We've killed on--a record--six in the past two centuries. Sigh...it wont ever stop, will it? I have to make my own ending to this.
Roan is leaving again, and I admit I'm sad over it. I miss everyone as is, but now I'm losing my very own partner in crime again. He's worried, I can already tell. Roan rarely expresses worry, concern, or...well, -any- sort of emotion. I'm...about the only one he ever drops his guard around. I'm very much in tune to him, though. Even as my blood is flowing through him, I can feel our connection resolidifying. I can feel the emotions he is unaccustomed to, his thoughts, his reactions. It's nice to feel familiar and in sync with my Guardian again. Together we act as one entity. A Descended One and their Gatekeeper are to ensure the safety...
...sigh. I knew he would be leaving, anyway. It was only a matter of time. He has his duty, and I have my own. If there's even the slightest chance I can continue on, even without him, then I will do it. There is always a source of Light within Darkness. That is the nature of the heart.
 Aizen Teresaga · Fri Feb 27, 2009 @ 01:27pm · 0 Comments |
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