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If you don't want to hear a tearful rant, don't read this.
Does it ever feel like you're being watched? Do you ever wonder, deep down inside, why people care? I don't know how to say how I feel anymore. I'm almost afraid I have a medical condition because of my daily headaches and I'm scared I'm certifably depressed. I don't know what to do with my life, and my constant headaches cloud my thinking. Hell, I'm trying to rant in my own journal, and I can't even come up with anything besides this crap! I'm going to die within the next two days of homework overload, as I haven't touched any of my homework yet, I have to sing next weekend in front of a judge, I'm worried about my placements, and I can't say what I mean in my own house anymore. I can't talk to my best friend because her horrible parents grounded her for something stupid again and even if she wasn't grounded, neither of us would be able to talk unless we were both home alone. Parents get scared when they find out their child hates themself, so I can't exactly start crying. They freaked out last time I broke into tears and sobbed in front of them. They can't seem to understand: my hatred builds! And then when I want to cry, I can't because I bottle my emotion! I hate how people mkae fun of "emos" and denounce them, when in reality the mass majority of all teens fit into the category! What teen alive isn't scared and confused? And it scares me to think about life because every time I do I think about what it would be like if humans never existed and then I end up crying. What point is there in existance anyway? Why am I so ******** bored with life? Why do I seem to be the only one who can't just sit back and enjoy living, huh? Why am I the cry-baby who runs to her room and sobs? Why am I so ******** sensitive that I can't just deal with the pressure I get from everyone? No one knows how hard it is to go through life knowing most of the people around you talk behind your back and will never care about your existance. No one knows how much pressure I'm under to do great things. It almost sickens me that I get laughed at when I say or do something wrong. I get made fun of daily, whether it be in front of my face or not. It's even from my own MOTHER too. When I'm angry, she ******** taunts me. So I put on a straight face until she quits it, then later run up to my room and cry like the weakling I am. I have friends who go through worse. My own best friend lost her mother at age six and lives in a hell hole, and yet she seems to do fine. Then there's me. I have a mother and a father and a loving little brother, and I'm the one who ends up in tears. Why is that? Why can't I just deal?
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