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Mlle Rose's Marvelous Words
A collection of poems and short stories (mostly) that I wanted to share with others, and perhaps even get some feedback on.
Midnight Dance: A Poem
Midnight Dance

Take my hand and come with me
We will dance beneath the moon
You and me, together, we
Savour the midnight tune.

Time is but a trifle
In this world of ours
And you mustn’t stifle
What you feel beneath the stars.

You and me, together, we
Our hearts shall beat as one
So set your spirit free
And ignore the rising sun.






User Comments: [8] [add]
Synister Sarnal
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commentCommented on: Mon Mar 02, 2009 @ 01:48am
pretty pretty poem ^^


commentCommented on: Mon Mar 02, 2009 @ 02:13am
amazing I love it heart



Michikochan
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Mlle Rose
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commentCommented on: Mon Mar 02, 2009 @ 04:20pm
Thank you, both ^^


commentCommented on: Tue Mar 03, 2009 @ 02:39am
It's pretty. =3 I like it.

However, the semi colons bother me in the "You and me; together; we". =/ You could replace them with commas, or you could re-word the stanza as, "Together, you and me". It's your poem. ^^



The Katastrophe
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Mlle Rose
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commentCommented on: Wed Mar 04, 2009 @ 01:25am

Its supposed to be separate, a similar idea expressed in different ways.
I'm not sure if commas would do the job the same way the semi-colons do, since the words are meant to be separate from each other.


commentCommented on: Wed Mar 04, 2009 @ 02:43am
Eh, I dunno...the way that stanza is worded still bothers me. =/ Yes, you are expressing a similar idea through different words, but I feel it's unnecessary and it should be simplified to get the point across. I get very nit-picky about wordy sentences/stanzas. XD

I won't force you to re-word that stanza (since it's your poem, not mine), but I'm just giving you some advice to think about.



The Katastrophe
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Gabriel -The Angelic-
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commentCommented on: Mon Aug 30, 2010 @ 05:59am
Sun-kissed Dew
Hearts paced fast to the beat of the sun.
We must hurry now before the days begun.
After an endless night of love and dance,
we traded it all for that one chance.

We scurry, hurry back before the morn'.
Standing here now we are awfully torn.
Hands clasped ever tight we reach the end,
and only wish that time would lend.

Give us this time with no worries or care
Grant us the passion of this summer's sweet air.
Spare mere seconds to embrace a sun so nigh.
Let us have a moment in our autumn hued sky.

Our hands slip away until again we hold.
Our lips still tingle from the secrets untold.
For in the sunrise love's bloom is true.
Our hearts ever painted with Sun-kissed dew.

(I wrote this one as a response to Midnight Dance You may have it. ^ ^)


commentCommented on: Mon Aug 30, 2010 @ 02:16pm
Aww, thanks so much Gabriel! It's lovely...and it flows nicely from the night-time setting of mine, I like it very much :3



Mlle Rose
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User Comments: [8] [add]
 
 
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