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OW ********. I HATE WHEN MY JAW LOCKS. D<

I am so ******** in love right now.


and I plan to be,
for the rest of my ******** life.
I am euphoric.
Nothing can kill this buzz.
Nothing.
There's not a thing that could make me stop loving you.
I'm in this for good, missmister.

I see your face and all I can seem to do is stare.
I honestly don't mean to but you just. Are so captivating to me.
You have my eye.
But, I don't know you.

&Sometimes, I really hate my name.
It doesn't sound fit for me, for my words.
Just kind of boring, and too simple. I'd love to have something cuter. Fresh. Different.
Only sometimes, though.

we've been talking for almost four hours on the phone.
i really like talking to you on the phone, seriously.
your voice is just so cute.
and when you laugh, oh goddd, so adorable.






bolded and underlined for emphasis.
if you ever read it, you know i'm referring to you.

which reminds me of when you called me.
why did you call me?
why did you make things inconsistent?
you trust me, and then don't trust me.
you come and you go.
it's confusing me, but i'll take what i can get.


- - -

with or without you, you will always make my heart soar, like sunshine across the skies.

- - -

this is the end.
this story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear,

this is the calm.
calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath.

we are the risen.
i am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea.

after the storm.
i spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean.

rest in the sea.
i know that this is what you want, a funeral keeps both of us apart.

washed up on the beach.
you know that you are not alone, i need you like water in my lungs.

- - -

dear amy,

if you never come back, i tried.
if you never come back, i never let go.
if you never come back, i will always have your love.
and i never stopped loving you.

i have our three-year memory.
i have your smiling face printed into the sides of my brain.
you're here, with me, always.

and that's what matters most. that closure. that deep breath at the end, when you pick up the broken pieces, the ones that really matter. the shiny ones that should be carried.

i will always love you.
and i, i changed before the end.



i changed.


- - -

wow, that was pretty epic. that had a lot of meaning.
my heart feels like it could burst.

i am happy, dls.
i think.
i think i just moved on.

fo' real, this time.

- - -

the american hardcore documentary had a lot of inspiration for me.
just, wow.
it left me feeling good. and strong.

damn, i want another movie like that.
or i'll just watch it again.

- - -

...


wow.
that ******** killed it.

---no.
i won't let you kill it.
******** you!
******** you.
haha, ******** you. (:

- - -

i miss tori.
i don't want to miss tori.
******** tori. :/



i get so attached.
i got so attached.
i think that's my worst quality.

..why did you say naivety was?



nah, i won't let that song be played.
if i get influenced by any of those romantically angsty songs that i can relate to, it'll kinda affect me.
for now, enlightenment. (:
it's kind of a transitional period. i can't feel bitter again.
then, i'll be back in square one.


- - -

...
******** you. D:
D:




wow, that was hilarious.
go lesbians, baha.

- - -

i love my life. c:
i say that often, too.
i say it often. biggrin

ah, so much beauty.
so much excitement.
my future is gonna be boss as hellll. biggrin

that kind of sounded really gay just now.
loooool oh well.


- - -

so many good things are coming my way.




the only thing i really, really want is to spend the rest of my life with the girl that i'm supposed to spend it with.
i really want fancy cars and the world,
but if i had to choose between the two, i'd choose her.
i'd choose her.

- - -

sorry bisexuals:
bisexuality turns me off.
LOL.
idk, it just does.
my girl could fall deeply for another chick, and i wouldn't care.
but if she was crushing just a bit on a gay,
bah,
that's instigate me totally into jealousy and just, idek. :c

- - -

sing the last thing on your mind.
the last word on your breath.

- - -

i can't feel for a guy.
i could look at a generally attractive guy, all sweaty, with a six-pack and half naked,
and just be like.
:S

but a girl.
woooah, girls.
girls are hot.
girls are attractive.
girls are beautiful.
i'd kiss, care for, and hold a girl.
i'd ******** a girl. (:

there's something about lesbianism that really makes me feel good.
idk, maybe it's an individualistic feeling.
it feels good.
it feels good being gay, lmfaoo?

- - -

aw.
she told me bedtime stories.
was it bedtime stories?
i think she told me stories, but stories for when i felt antsy.


ah, i ******** it up big time with her.
she could have been my one.




i will not dwell on it.

- - -

hoops snakebites are my favorite piercing.
they look so, so good.

bah.
i want one.

- - -

so, it turns out you can't report your own posts.
lmfaooooo.
what if like, you actually wanted to punish yourself?

- - -

i'm sorta going to quit smoking.
idk, i told becca i was going to.
but then, we were all high. loooool.

so.
so, i might just cut back. a lot.
and it's 'cause of the whole wrinkles thing, really.
though, that article said something like, "10 years of heavy smoking..." something.
and, i hardly smoke anywhere near 'heavy'.
so maybe i don't need to cut back.
who knows.
i fear for my pretty face.


- - -

********' gold "compounding", or w/e.
my next username change will cost 50k.
LOL.
holy s**t, gaia.

- - -

i'm just a social smoker.
and when i do, it's probably one or two.
when my friends and i are all going out to the city and s**t, windows rolled down, laughing hard, growing broke on food, having the music cranked,
just, you know, one of those nights?
hell, you've got to smoke.
it's just so fitting.

hurr hurr, but we always have those nights.
the square still never gets old, but we always go there.

- - -

i love this new book, it's mad.
i'm gonna write all over it. (:
heck yes!

i'm excited for school.
mainly, fifth period.
********, that period is my happy hour.


- - -

i'm gonna need to put in fifteen hours of tutoring this semester. :/
or do a biggg NHS event.
damn, i thought i could keep up with this activity.
turns out i got so behind.
hahaha, i don't even come to meetings anymore.
******** thattt.

and, the tennis team?
i really don't think i'm gonna ********' make that.
i'm a month behind conditioning. ):

you know what, ******** the things you have to do to get into a great university.
it should be grades and nothing else.
who gives a ******** if you're well-rounded? really. seriously. ******** seriously. i'd like to know.

in any case, ******** the requirements, i'll do what i have to. (:
and i'll do it well.
'cause i'm pretty ********' boss.



i thought i had a 4.1 this semester.
or at least a 4.0.
but i'm guessing not, because it turns out the exam grades are put in?
and, well, i had that party the night before,
so i ******** bombeddd itttt.
loooool.

there's something in like, when you're put into that wild mentality, it shells you into it.
you forget about caring for a long time afterwards.
'cause you gotta break the mold,
if you even give a damn to initiate that.

i think it was worth it.


- - -

amy said that we won't be transferred to the oakleaf school.
but.
what about busing?
our district will bus half of the same division to oakleaf, and the other to orange park?
just because administration has -some- sympathy for the juniors and seniors?
S: i don't think so.
we're too damn poor for that. :/

but, i really hope you're right.

- - -

i use ****** a lot.
it's a fun word to use, imo.

idk.
i have respect and morals, especially for that kind of stuff.
but seriously, it's just a word.
i even use f** and s**t, and i'm gay.
it's no big deal.
i guess people have too much s**t in their tight asses, and could use some loosening up.

- - -

chicks in flannels is a pretty hot look.
in fact, anyone in a flannel looks fly.
i have a thing for flannels.

bah, and if they've got skinny jeans on?
whoooop. c:


- - -

everyone's talking about snakebites.
/crave.
:c


- - -

XD
what the?
what the hell is that?
seriously.
god, just look at that.
lmfaoooo.

- - -

oh, and mad lols to when shanice's mom asked me if i had a boyfriend.
LOL.
LOL.
i would have been like, "no, i'm gay, so i do have a girlfriend."
but then i wouldn't be able to hang with shanice anymore. :c

it was pretty hilarious though.
i just looked at shanice, man.
haaahaha. (:

dorian's dad asked me the same question.
i told him straight up. c:
it was nice to not have to censor around an adult.
like, he was totally chill and everything, with that, too.
it was nice. c:
i think dorian cracked up when he asked me, too.

- - -

i love being gay.
i really, really love being gay.
it's so.
ahh. (:
i'm gay!


- - -

whatever name you give them, they believe you.
they believe you.
hahaahahahahahdgkdklgjlh.

- - -

dls has been horny for the past couple of days.
i'm normally among that group, but lately i haven't been horny, at all.
for a while, too.
guess whyyy. (:

- - -

whenever someone talks about sex, i think of us.


...
yep.
i do.
and you know, me and jess haven't done anything like that yet.




loooooooooool.
moving on v. letting go.

- - -

you gave the best sex.
always.

the best, by a thousand miles.
god, it was so good.

and, you're the only one that's made me come.
i'm kind of afraid no one else will be able to be as good as you, haaa.
hm. :c


- - -

i almost want to forget my sex with you.
it's such a crave, and i can't have you.
looool.
:c


- - -

i still can't get over american hardcore.
god, it was so great!
ugh, ********! <3

- - -

blah, if they're judging it without feeling it, then, god, that's like subjectivity.
you can't judge it if you're not feeling it.
because it's a very feeling-oriented event.
i mean, god, of course it's going to look stupid.
even i think it looks stupid.
it's just something you feel.

- - -



- - -

yeah, i'm not looking forward to valentine's day, either.
the last two, i've spent with you.

...
..aw, i've spent the last two valentines with you.




well, oh well.
i think i'll give you something anyway.
for old times sake.

- - -

over 70% have tried alcohol, over 80% have tried cigarettes, and over half have attempted some type of drug--"
LOL.
oh, high school.

- - -



- - -

don't give a damn.
don't be a martyr.

- - -

the lead singer of black flag, in his interviews,
ahh. (:

- - -

i dig the chicks that dress like guys.
but not in the butch, scary kinda way.

- - -

i'm not sure who my first love is.
'cause there's the whole line between real love, and the first serious love.

- - -

dls,
today was ballin' ********' beast. c:
i love today.
i love these past weeks.
everything's just been amazing.
i feel so, so gooooood. (:


--actually, not really.
physically, anyway.
my leg hurt like a c**t the entire day. :c
and i had like, like i was ******** tripped out, bahaha.
all couldn't focus and sick and s**t.
but i didn't even smoke anything.

- - -

everyone said i looked hot today.
really, it's probably just the boob effect. ccc:
LOL, the l word. <3

but, srsly.
i'm pretty glad i'm lookin' fly. (:

- - -

you dressed odd today.
but you'll always be beautiful to me.

- - -

i want my report card.
gr, slow school system. :c

- - -

he'suglyhe'suglyhe'suglyhe'sugly.
he does nothing but disgust me. c:

- - -

i can't take it.
i won't take it.

- - -

even though the story was depressing, it had a ton of lesbian scenes. c:

- - -

i think i realized;

maybe not forever, hopefully, especially when i can't have you,
but, for a while now, i'm not going to love anyone as much as i have you.
my love for you will never die.

and, it's just such an overwhelming, tender, big feeling.
i love you, amy.
i never have stopped.
i always will love you.
i always will be here for you.
i'll never stop thinking about you, hoping you're okay.

and really, it doesn't leave me lonely or bitter, it leaves me all warm.
i love you, -that- much.
you're special to me.
i hope you're safe and happy.
i just want you to be alright.
and then, i'm alright, too.

- - -

i am moving on. (:
in time, i'll be able to love you, too.
that is, if you're willing to wait.
if you're willing to stay.

- - -

oh, and!
i got a b on my chemistry exam, LOOOOL!

guess what the curve was.
for all her classes.
the curve was ******** 30 points plus. HAHA.
********, and the teacher said she was "disappointed."
even the ace kids in all the classes all agreed they christmas treed about half the test, and that you never taught us most of that s**t. :/
which, i totally agree upon.
i've never come across a test where that was so evident.
you're a shitty teacher, lmfao. (:

--i will say, you're personality off the record is fun, and really kind.
and when you do teach, you're probably a great teacher.
but this entire semester, you've hardly taught us anything.
so, don't be so disappointed. (:



anyway.
i'm making a b in your class.
surprisingly.
i'll be content with that. (:

- - -

i do get a little discontent when i think of all this s**t about me.
but, it's only in shanice's and amy's circles.
and, it's only for sensitive, ably justified things.

for shanice, darnesha and vania hate me, and issy/ashly dislikes me.
ashly dislikes me because shanice cheated on her with me.
darnesha hates me because she's a jugmental p***k, and because it was because of me that steph did some s**t back in their senior year.
though i didn't make steph do anything. she chose to do what she chose to do.
vania hates me, because she thought shanice was going to cheat on her with me.

amy, i know jenna, yakirra, adri, heidi, hayley, her parents, and tons others... yeah, because of what i've done with amy.
i've cheated on amy, and i've just made her miserable.





...

well,
we all know,
what i have,
to say,
about that.



--but other than that, i'm just a chill, unassuming chick.
i'm nice.
i'm a fun time.
i don't start s**t, i don't drag s**t.
just, i know where to cross the lines.
and i will admit i made mistakes last year with the girls.
but i've taken care of that in myself, now.




OH AND PS;
amy, if you're reading this, these aren't the messages that i wanted you to read.
you'll know when you come across them.

- - -

i loved my mood today.
i hope it carries tomorrow.
just, without all the physical sickness and toned down.
because it really was just a bad, bad high. :/

- - -

too many quotes viewing.

- - -

time will tell.
time will tell. (:

it's a true leap of faith, and i'm washing myself in the heavy, deep fluids.

i'm not scared.
i'm not attached, but i'm holding on.

time will tell.
maybe you will, maybe you won't.
either way, i'm content with how i've played the ending.

- - -

"one more time to say, i'll love you always.
i'm letting love find a way."

and in essence, that sums it all.

do you understand what i'm feeling right now?
i suppose, they call it closure.
but this is so much deeper than that.
when you call it that, without an explaination or expression of the details, it feels less magical.

i just.
i love you.
i so, so do.
and i'm holding on, but moving on.

i don't know.
is there anyone who feels the way i do now?

- - -

i'm excited for tomorrow.
actually, i'm feelin' pretty positive about, pretty much everything.

- - -

i think i know how i feel, now.

i believe in miracles.
i believe in magic.
all because of this.
i was in such a dark place, and now...
ah.
ah. (:

- - -

baby.
don't be afraid.




mayday parade really is just another pop punk band, sorta.
well, we'll see in their next recording.


but.
********' songs like, miserable at best, you be the anchor?
idk, it's not incredible song/lyric writing,
but god, those songs are just beautiful.

..yeah.
i'm amazed by like, six of their tracks.
and everything else sounds like pop cut out s**t loool.





i'm not sure i believe it when he says "punk is dead."
but, greg would know.
he was IN that southern cali scene, back in the '80, '81 era.

huh.
hm.

- - -

she told me, "baby, don't be afraid."

...and... i kind of trust in that.

don't be afraid.
don't be afraid.


i think i might just do that.


it'll take some snipping of attachments.
that's hard.

she looked me in the eyes, and said it'll hurt. that it'll be hard, and that i won't win.
i'm thankful for that.

- - -

"beautiful.










tragedy."

- - -

i really mean it when i
said i really, really dig chicks in flannels.
i saw like, five of them today.




klsdhlksjh.
OH. SPEAKING OF.
THERE'S LIKE, THIS JUNIOR/SENIOR WHO'S REALLY TALL, AND WALKS LIKE A STONER,
AND SHE'S JUST GOT THIS BADASS VIBE ABOUT HER,
AND SHE'S KINDA PUNKED OUT.

WOW, WAS SHE HOT.


LOOOL,
i was going to turn, on the way to homeroom, like seven times,
but when she didn't, i just kept following her.

dlksgklshlmfaoo.
and, i think you could kind of, -kind of- tell that i was shifting my direction.
i think it was almost obvious.
but, maybe i just looked confused.

is she.
is she the one that i see after second..?

i need to hit up with this chick, haaaaa.
get her into my life, or just learn her name.

- - -

to check her out.
to check her out.
hurr hurr.

and really, a good majority of the girls that i check out, i notice because they've got this sort of beauty about them.
hotness,
well,
i hardly really ever give someone the characteristic of being hot.

i'm glad i'm not as noticing as last year.
it just makes it more special.
this year, i've had only about 4 or 5 genuine love/sexual/attraction interests.
eh. i guess that could be a huge number for some people.
ohwell. c:

- - -

LOOOOOOOOOL.
i have glasses, and i swear to god, all these years i have had a misconception of what my face looked like.
LMFAO.

and, just, the entire world looks different right now.
oh, god. XD




you know, i've been laughing and smiling at everything today.
the high is still kinda there.
but, i think it's a little too much, lmfaoo.




so, there was definitely a storm on the west side of campus after second period today.
that lasted 5 to 10 minutes.
noo jokeee.
i was SOAKED, LOL.
and, yeah.
everyone's right when they say florida weather is bipolar.
seriously this week, it was 80s on tuesday, and tomorrow it'll be 40s/50s.




all in all, today has been a grand day. c:
even the beef with shanice. :s

- - -

when i'm in even just a decent mood, i smile and laugh constantly.
i'm contemplating whether it's too much.
eh, they're at appropriate times..

personally, i'm fine with it.
have life fun.
but what if it looks creepy/annoying?

i shouldn't care.




i'm hungry. :c

- - -

candace asked about sleeping over.
aw.
and.. it was such an old topic.
so it's like, she remembered. (:

i'll only do it with shanice there.
hm, well, maybe i don't have to.
we'll see.
it will be a lot better with her there, though.

- - -

yeah.
i know, i know.




when i looked at you today, i fell a little bit deeper.




i think the most tender part of all this is, i know you know.

- - -

i've come to a conclusion, dls.
that i might not be rich when i gain my career.
for now, anyway, if i stick with the music business plan.
because i don't want to work with mainstream artists, because it's not mainstream music that i feel a passion for. it's the underground bands. but mainstream music is where the money is.
idk, i'll ask greg how the variation of pays are.

but, if it comes to the decision of money v. fulfillment,
i'm going to choose fulfillment, dls.
goodbye to the electronics and big houses, i've settled for genuine happiness.

but, then, what am i doing? i'm getting overly high gpas and overacheiving for an occupation where it's not necessary.
if i was aiming to be an engineer or some doctor, or an occupation in a different field of business..
hm.
well, we'll see.
'cause, i could always have a change of heart.
and it's never bad to challenge yourself, anyway.

in a related thought, this is very hypothetical;
if i took myself out of ap & honors classes, i'd totally make a bunch of more friends. c:
'cause i just fit better with the crazier kids, instead of the ones who're all careful and conforming.

i hate to say that, but yeah, there are more conforming, normal kids in higher-level classes.

- - -

still don't know when i have ever, ever slapped you.
i'm sorry. :ccc

it's never happening again, i promise.
see that i know where to place myself when i know what's going on.

- - -

i remember when we went to the small stage at warped tour;
there were all these kids just listening because the band was pretty much never heard of.
but there was one guy who was rocking out like he totally knew all the songs.
it was pretty chill. c:
some people might think it's awkward and standoffish, though. baha.
and, that's probably how it's gonna be at the LIGHTS concert.
'cause, it's such a small canadian indie band, coming to a tour dominated by american listeners and punk rock/screamy s**t.
hurr hurr, i'm excited.
i'll laugh if i end up being that guy. c:


- - -

concerts transcend 'fun'.
they're such high-energy, incredible experiences.

- - -

i love when we do dbq's, actually.
because, then we get to talk and talk and talk. c:
i mean, i was talking to candace and leaf on and onn,
and even bertha and madi were entertaining.
and, then i got to talk to shanice and jordan.





today was a great day.





stop thinking about it, rachelle.
you're too anxious.
you always get this way.
and it's holding you back.
stop.
stop.
stop.
stop.
stop.
stop.

better
next time.

- - -

i'm sorry linda had to see me that way.
i'm sorry.
that's not who i am.
that's not what i wanted to do to you.

i'll make it up, i promise.





i'm going to give you the cigarettes, and leave.
give, leave.

i don't care.

- - -

i don't care.




i carry you with me.
not amy, you.
it's almost a stab of guilt.
it's almost a missing.
i made a mistake.

i can't even say your name.





i love how, some names of objects i was taught as a little kid still stick with me.
and their pronounciations.
and, they're a little bit wrong, but in the cutest way.
haha, aw. c:

- - -

this isn't in that reference;

i will let go.
i will let go, and one day, these chains will unlock.
i will be free.
and i will be free from the thoughts.
i'll relax.
i'll be who i was born to be.

- - -

NO.
BECAUSE I'M INVOLVEDDD, LOOOOOL.

cuh, i just adoreadore fifth period.
i dooo. c:




i hope this is like, an ongoing theme, fifth period always being my favorite period, and the one special to me.
'cause, last year it was.
and the year before.

i'm kind of disappointed that this year is turning out to be not as great as freshman year.
..what if freshman year ends up to be my best?
because, then it all goes downhill from here.
not to say this year isn't bomb.
but freshman year,
******** god,
freshman year was life, bahahaha.
oh, man. <3

we'll see.
we'll see.
besides, the best times are always in the second semester.

- - -

time together is just never quite enough.
when you and i are alone, i've never felt so at home.
what will it take to make or break this hint of love?
we need time, only time.
when we're apart, whatever are you thinking of?
tell me, darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?





<3.




some things in relationships, i never reuse.
i cherish them, and keep them sacred, only for her.




for such a long time now, everything's been so great.
just, so great.
i know there were deep lows back in december, but they're over.
i'll keep in mind all the highs and lovely moments i've had lately.
so many real smiles.
so many times my heart felt like it'd burst.
i'm so content,
with life,
with love,
with friends,
with people,
with the future, past.
and, with myself.
i feel so beautiful.

if i had an aura, it'd be yellow.
you'd see it like the brightest star in the dark sky.

- - -

maybe because of you,
or maybe because of everything else;

i now believe in miracles.
i now believe there are no coincidences.
i now believe i never "can't".
i see magic in my life,
i feel warmheartedness.
i feel whole.
the things i'm feeling are beautiful.

basically, life has boosted 100% in the past couple months.
and before then, it was great.

- - -

let go.
move on.
this is your life.
you're only destined for greatness.




i'm changing my signature.
if you never saw it, it said,

"i won't give in, even if there's nothing left from here."


i don't put in signatures meaninglessly.

- - -

I CAN NOT STOP LAUGHING IN FIFTH PERIOD.
s**t is bomb. c:
i totally diggg that class.
leaf, shanice, candace, and jordan,
and i can talk to pretty much everyone in that class if i wanted.
in fact, third period is pretty slick too.
i swear to god, ap kids are so much crazy fun. c:
i mean, the ap trips every year?
why do you think it's so wild?
and, the best part is that teachers actually trust us and s**t.
that's why we have so much privelege to do things we actually want to do.




i don't mean to inntimidate people.
in fact, i try to be pretty ********' modest.




how about,
when i gave mr. fagan my essay,
he looked at me and asked me if i was a genius?

- - -

OKAY, SERIOUSLY;

if you judge smokers, drinkers, or anything based on the extremes dramatized by publications,
then you're making a mistake. :/

not everyone who smokes and drinks is ******** up in life, heading on some downward spiral,
and not everyone who chooses to have casual sex also chooses to have unprotected sex, and therefore must have a hoard of std's in their system and doesn't respect themselves.







seriously.

- - -

i can't fix things or take things back.
the only thing i can do,
is make sure it never, ever happens, again.

and i mean that so much right now.


i'm sticking by with shanice.
i'm sticking by with becca.
'cause if i go any further into that mistake,
i will lose everyone.


...

- - -

i'm so happy lately.
so, so happy lately.
and i've posted this in dls a billion times, now.
god, i just can't help it.




...no,
i REALLY don't mean to intimidate
anyone.

please? :c




my heart's about to burst.
in the warmest way possible. c:




she catches all my tears.





i really love dorian.
..like.
i kind of really think dorian makes me, mad happy.
and, when i think about it, it's kind of like, platonic feelings on overload.
but i'm not in love with dorian. .___.

maybe, i'm just excited everytime she's around,
because she's so not there.




shanice,
you meant something when you said she'd "appreciate it", right?
you meant..
you meant she's actually been talking about me.
..does she miss me?
that's what you meant right?

right?
D:




i pray you're okay.
i hope you never had to feel what i had to feel.
please. :c
not you.
you would never deserve it.
oh, god. </3

- - -

ugh. .____.
i love you!
you amaze me.
you bring me so much happiness.
happyhappyhappy.

- - -

will i monday?
i will.
i won't.
i will?
no, i won't.

- - -

with this warmer heart,
it's also made me kind of like,
i think,
really sensitive?

there's a confidence boost, so it's not in the i-get-offended-easily/bitchy kinda way.
..but, when even hearing just the least sensitive thing, i'm all jfhklfhklhDD: about it.
and so concerned.
like, in english, we read this thing about a lack of emergency volunteers in alabama or some shiz,
and that if the rate continues, more people would die. :cc
and i was just like, mad worried.
and, whenever i see an ambulance,
it's like, "oh my god, someone's dying right now. i hope they make it!"
when i see couples embracing and kissing, it just makes me go AWWW, and then i'm smiling hard.
..and, just a bunch of gay things.
idk, i never did it before.

- - -

jesus christ.
how badly have i underrated the post-hardcore genre?
i mean, a lot of bands suck,
but heck, a lot of bands in any genre suck.
i mean, alexisonfire and i am the avalanche?
s**t's beast.
i've totally forgotten these bands?

grr.
******** having over 4000+ songs to keep up with. s:

- - -

all in all,
i really just adore my taste in music. c:
i've got so much s**t, and so much s**t that i'm mad crazy about, and so much underground s**t, and bands that i've seen live. c:
yay.

....................... and ********' zack said he doesn't even listen to music?
... are you serious?
call me narrowminded,
but i can not imagine someone not haning any interest in music at all.
and just, besides that,
i have a ******** passion overload for music.
wow.
just the disparity in that, man.

bahaha. but it was during our matchmaker test lmfaaaao. c:
'cause there was a question about it.
which doesn't have any "are you bi, gay, lesbian, or straight?" on it.
so, i'm gonna be paried up with a boy, like every year.
ahahaha.
and just, every time they give us these tests, we have a blast doing it.
because the choices/question concepts/set-up are just hilarious.

- - -

talking to jordan about his love for deathcore/black metal and my love for metalcore was nice.
'cause, it revealed what metalcore is.
i was always confused at how to descibe it,
and why i don't like some generally metal bands, but i like metalcore bands.
and, it's because what i like so much in metalcore, are the thrashy definitive guitars, and the heavyyy breakdowns.
it's just the most insane, invigorating s**t, other than crunk. c:
hurr hurr. c:

- - -

i wouldn't say mayday parade is overrated. maybe i'm in the wrong networking circles, but you don't see mayday parade very much in the mainstream.
you're really hit with pop punk bands like all time low, hit the lights, and the maine, though. read any alternative magazine and they'll be shoved in your face. plus, they're all really flashy advertisements/photographs, so it's hard to overlook.




i hate using the pop punk genre.
because it's kind of like an oxymoron, looool.
especially with the bands that dominate and define the genre.
but it helps describe something to someone because it's so popular,
so.
oh well.

- - -

...huh.
huh, okay.

now, i ever said, if mp ever made another music video, it had to be 'miserable at best'. it just deserved more publicization.
and, they did it.
now, i turned off the lights, sat back, and analyzed the video.
i mean, god, this video really had to do the song justice. i was more worried than excited.
it's hard to create a video for a song like that.
i mean, just look at 'konstantine' by something corporate.
try making a video of that, aaaaah ha.
and, brokencyde's debute music video!
what a tragedy!
it's such a crucial time for bc13 to make the right impressions, and just, that video implicates that they're so plastic and.
:/

i would criticize the fact that they actually shortened the song,
but hey, the band isn't littered with cash, and it's a five-minute song.
that's a lot of money.

eh, not bad.
not bad.

and, LOL at playlistnet review,
"A Lesson in Romantics…I would say that its better than the last two albums Fall Out Boy wrote…fans of this style will eat Mayday Parade up; something that they’ll no doubt have to get used to as they climb the ladder."

'climb up the ladder'.
hurr hurr.

- - -

carefully careless. (:
carelessles careful. (:

- - -

alternating or overlapping vocals really win my heart.
or ears.
whichever.

- - -

it's about time i get a flannel.




i think it's hilarious, haley.
why does she talk to us when she knows we're gay, and she's homophobic?
i mean, right?
or, is she just the type that'll talk to anyone, regardless,
or, she's cynically sarcastic with everything she says?

pfft, idfk.
she's a mystery.
she's nice to talk to though, so i don't give a damn.




tbh dls.
i would choose staying in a class, instead of switching into a necessary higher-level class,
if it were that that class, i shared with a friend.
even a semi-close friend.
that's what happened with david.
that's what happened with leaf and lei.

- - -

i know how i feel about mayday parade, now.

i only really like the vocals and lyrics.
'cause their guitar and drums suck, bahaha.
and, in a lot of songs, the lyrics and vocals are mediocre.
but in a few songs, it's just really amazing.
that's why i don't like the band, but i really ********' love a few of their songs.

and, it goes to show how much i value vocals/lyrics.
'cause the song itself sucks otherwise.


- - -

metal is one of the hardest genres to get into.
heck, it took me a year to get assimilated.
but, i wish everyone would give it at least a try.

- - -

does brand new still play yfw tracks?
it's their most popular, but i don't think even they like that type of music anymore.
'cause they've matured so much.
hm.
we'll see. c:

- - -

how the ******** do you dance in an electronic/indie concert? s:
i've only been to hardcore or otherwise high-tempo concerts.
idfk, man.
hahaa, i might look like a fool.
well, we always start that way.

- - -

brent is so ******** awkward and strange, and just everything outcasting.
but.
today, he was HILARIOUS.
OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD.
ME AND LEAF LOOOOL.
oh, god.
it was so ******** hilarious.
i cracked up so hard.

- - -

"i've lost interest;
i don't care anymore."

...

i thought that was you.
i feel small.
i felt scared.
i turned off the volume and my heart went silent.
my eyes froze.

...... you're probably saying things like that, anyway.
but if i don't see it, i don't feel it.
i used to have to pretend, but now it's genuine.

- - -

wow.
i, for a second, thought i might have a crush on dorian.
but then, i thought, it was stupid.

but dude, this is some intense platonic feelings.
hahaha.
maybe, if i talk to her again i can find out what it is, and where it comes from.
but, aw, i love that chick. (: