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its christmas...eddie's in the hospital again...and he's really sick this time....like..he's been in ICU for a week now kinda sick...and grandma is going back to the hospital...and i didn't get to see her and wish her a merry christmas...and i didn't get to give her her gift...or eddie his.....and nanny's gone now already....and all i want to do is cry....but i can't cry because if i do molly and kelly will cry....so i pretend to be strong.....i pretend everything will be okay...i pretend.....he wouldn't do something so cruel to her....that's what i tell myself...when i think that god wouldn't hurt gram that way...to take them both from her so close in time to one another....please.....don't hurt her like that...i have to be strong....