Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Went to Joey's house today with EPBOTA which I guess would be cool if Joey didn't have a thing for EPBOTA which led to me feeling like a third wheel through the entire process. I have no idea what it is about me hanging out with EPBOTA, but when I'm with her I kinda feel overwhelmed. I suddenly go quiet and can't think of anything to say or do and I guess I tense up or something. Even when it's just me and her. I can't relax and chill around her like I can with Opal. I always feel like I'm trying to keep pace with her and be as outgoing and fun loving and carefree and it's just not who I am so I go silent instead. Either way, Joey's house wasn't all too enjoyable (though playing Rock Band was at least entertaining...had Joey and EPBOTA not been talking around me because I had no idea what they were talking about).

It kinda sucks when you realize you're at least decently pretty and that the only thing keeping you from getting a boyfriend or even having guys have crushes on you is your personality. I can't really change that. Fine, I could fake it, but it wouldn't do much. Besides, I'm so tired of faking everything. As pathetic as it sounds, I just want someone besides my family and friends to be like "You're cool. I like you." and to actually mean it. Someone seriously needs to make me think I'm worth the trouble cause I'm starting to think I'm not. Stupid life drama that made me grow up too quickly. It's managed to scare my dad and mom. They're both so worried about how serious and mature I am. Sometimes I think they wish I'd do something reckless and teenage-ish just so they could breath a sigh of relief and be like "Oh, good. She's still a teenager." I had to grow up to fast. Sorry, but it's why I am the way I am. Kinda hate it myself, but what do you do? sad Guess I'll just have to accept that I give off an air of "******** you". Didn't really notice I did until recently.

On another note, Opal and me have taken to hiding in the Art Club room during lunch as we're both sick of high school and bored out of our minds and since we keep getting booted out of every secluded little hiding spot, that seems like the best place for now.

I'm gonna go snuggle with L and retain my "screw that" attitude I've been directing towards my homework lately.