Outside the window looking in, you see a family of four.
Ready for Christmas you see a hundred lights times fifty-five more.
Standing in the cold, all sad and alone,
You wish you were in a house with a family like mine.
Well, inside the house looking out,
Being alone is looking just fine.
These walls are scars with old wounds so deep they won't heal.
They've seen events that our family only tries so hard to conceal.
The tablecloth is splattered with anger
The floor is thick with hate.
I'd like to see a vacuum try to save the floor from this state.
This life I've been forced to live, this life no one has seen.
This knife of anguish penetrating within my skin, a knife I am forced to clean.
These walls tell a story,
The window you stare through sings a song.
A song of battles where emotions warred
In a battlefield of injustice so wrong.
Dad, I'm talking to you now.
You were the calm one, the reasonable one who was always fair.
Out of them all, you are the one I love the most,
Nothing more to say here; I can't describe how glad I am that you care.
Sister, little sister, as young as you are
Your ignorance that I am so jealous of shines brighter than a star.
I wish that we didn't have to feel like we had to kneel
Before the heel of the one who controls us with a mind of steel.
I'd like to address my "Mom", though she doesn't deserve that title.
Heartless, cold, angry, and b***h are the most respectful words I feel you are entitled.
You say you loved me, but that was all a lie.
I've known it before and especially on this cold December night.
You claim to be calm, yet your voice shakes the room.
You think that yelling and screaming will make me listen to you.
You describe me as an irresponsible, disappointing teen.
I know I'm not wanted; go and ******** disown me.
Just as long as I'm not your property.
Property that you attempt to perfect.
Property that you dissect and inject
With your disease of utter perfection
Trying to make me another part of your collection.
You have no right to tell me what to be.
You think all hope is lost and that I'll die when in only one class I have a D.
69-point-84 percent to be exact.
But you believe I have no future based on my past.
You look at me, disappointed at my imperfection,
Your eyes say the words though you make no sound.
I'm done trying to live up to your standards
Standards that make me want to burn this house to the ground.
I slip up a bit, and you're on to me so fast
That your "love" for me doesn't ever seem to last.
You think I'm believe you are being a mother?
You never were drunk, but you never seemed to be sober.
All of this "love" and "family" crap is a load of s**t.
Hit REWIND and listen to the verses I spit.
I know you don't appreciate me one bit.
One more lie, I'm gonna go into a fit.
You took away everything I own, but I won't sit down.
I will stare your injustice in the eye and frown.
I lost it all, but I'm still strong
You will never break me, don't get me wrong.
You don't like it? Too bad, this is what you bought.
The price you paid
The loss you gained.
To busy screaming to wonder what have you wrought.
I know there is a certain commandment in the bible I can find.
"Respect thy mother and father" or someting along those lines.
Well God, what the ******** do you do
When you try so hard but no one respects you?
We yell and we scream, adding more scars to the wall.
More hate on the floor,
More injustice at the door.
More prayers of forgiveness to the Lord.
God still loves us.
God will help us.
BULLSHIT! There's nothing an immortal entity can do about us.
I will come out and say it
I'm not the only one who can relate to it.
I'm not loved by you, what else am I to do?
Damn it all to hell, I ******** hate you!
Stranger at the window, you're lucky you don't know people so unreal and unfair.
I ran away that night, wearing socks in the cold and bitter December air.
We lock eyes, and they tell you a story
One that these walls can tell you without much glory.
You understand I need to do this, this is what cold nights and lonliness is for.
You step aside as I run through that open door.
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Brian's Poetry
Here are some poems about how I feel, how life is going, etcetera.