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We got our Christmas tree today. We meaning my dad, my grandparents, and me. My aunt, uncle, and cousin didn't wanna come. I kinda hate them for it right now. I've had this feeling like if I don't have fun and get together with my family, I won't be able to for much longer. Maybe it's just cause I'm going off to college soon. I don't know what it is. Whatever it is, it's making me feel like s**t. I really didn't have a good day. Decorating the tree was fun, but I was still so tired from Championships yesterday that I didn't really have any energy so I wasn't into it all that much. I felt bad. Dad looked a little bummed. confused God, what's wrong with me?

On the bus ride back from Championships, I was sitting next to Karri and a boy in band came over and sat next to us and was obviously flirting with Karri and at first I was pretty much whatever. But after a little bit, upon realizing how completely this boy was ignoring me, I couldn't help but think about how Karri's kinda rude and a little conceited and bitchy and not all that amazingly pretty and I began to wonder how she managed to get a nice guy to flirt with her but I only attracted pervs and jerks. That thought process led me to thinking about how one guy started talking to me about Lauren because he liked her and how Pyrite asked me about Kaylee and how Lauren asked me about this one boy she liked and it just seems like everyone else at least gets someone to like them or likes someone and I'm just stuck here, apparently with some invisible wall that I've built up and can't see, but I guess it manages to keep out the general human population and it's really starting to depress me. I'm feeling unimportant and easily replaceable again like everyone I know would be sad if I disappeared or died but that it wouldn't really effect them all that much. They'd cry and whine for a bit, but they'd get over it and move on and I'd just be forgotten. I'm so sick of feeling this way. I don't even give a s**t about school anymore. I just don't care and it's starting to scare me. I don't know what's going on.