It sucks man. It makes me wanna break the law.
*pulls out booze*
Pull up a chair and sit for a spell. I probably dont even know you, or why your reading this. I dont even know why Im saying this. I guess because of the reason that I stated earlier. Life really does suck. You try and try your hardest, and its still not enough. If you arent perfect and stay on top of everything, reality comes and bites you in the a**. God damn...
*takes a drink*
So lets start with me. Since about 3rd or 4th grade, I havent been right in the head. There's this voice. People are like "Oh its alright, I have a voice in my head too!" No, really. There is someone there. He has his own personality, name, everything. His name is Vlademir. People always think Im lying. Well, no Im not. I went to a psychologist. He diagnosed me with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Look it up on google or something. So he takes over, and I have no memory of it when it happens. Sounds like something out of a movie, right? Ha, if only. No happy endings for me. Im probably gonna die alone in a rundown house. But more on that later. So back to Vlad. Me and him talk from time to time, usually in my head. Sometimes out loud. And because of this, nobody generally talks to me. They think Im crazy. Im not crazy. I promise. Insanity is the degradation of the mind, usually from some type of disease or foreign substance. DID is caused by...Well, I dont know. I know I dont have a disease, and I dont do drugs or alcohol. So now, onto my school life
First, first, I started out the year pretty good. I asked out this girl I liked, she said yes, I was like "Alright!.." Im all organized, have all my school stuff, do all my homework. Then I get sick. Ok, one day of school, right? No, like 4 days. SOOO much homework. It just keeps piling up. Eventually it drags down my grades. But I get good test grades, so that even it out. So everything goes great for a while. Then BAM! Gotta go to the doctors. I havent told anybody about this event, but gotta put it down. I have pneumonia. My left lung is filling up with fluids. I go into surgery over the weekend.
I go back to school on monday with fresh stitches, and I dont want anybody freaking out. So I dont tell them. I dont dress out in gym so people dont see the stitches. When the grades go home, Mom finds out Im failing gym. That ******** up my social schedule pretty bad. So cant go anywhere for a while. Im cool with that. Ill do the time, and get on with it.
Well, then, I totally bomb like 3 tests in a row. Im now failing 4 classes. That really sucks when my parents find out. So now I cant do anything for 3 months instead of just 2 weeks. Im pissed.
So I go to school. At lunch, my girlfriend breaks up with me right out of the blue. She said that she "Doesnt like me as much anymore." Normally it wouldnt faze me, but with all the current trouble and the pain killers Im taking, it hits me pretty hard
So now Im pretty much alone, because my parents hate me, Im single, and I dont have that many friends. But Im used to being a loner. So I go for like three weeks like this, in isolation. Im starting to bring my grades back up, and I think about asking someone else out. There are three girls at my school I was considering, one of them taken, one of them a Junior (Im a freshman btw) and the other probably doesnt like me. But I go for it. I ask out the third one, the one that probably doesnt like. You know what happens? She laughs. She bursts out in laughter. Yeah, that makes me feel good. She thought I was kidding. When she saw I wasnt laughing, she laughed even harder at the fact that I even considered asking her. OK, yeah, I know Im not the skinniest guy in the world, but its not like Im fat. Im only like 20 pounds over the average guy at my school, and alot of it is muscle mass from wrestling. She literally falls on the floor laughing. So I just walk away and try to forget it. NOOOOO. All her friends have to come up and start laughing at me as well. I honestly felt like punching on in the face, even though theyre girls. Well, you know what? Im just gonna let it go. We're done with this topic.
Actually, we're done talking. I dont even know why Im emptying my entire life into a page of text for a random stranger to read.
View User's Journal
Like...munchies man...Im starving...
The voice in my head doesn't control me... But he has some good ideas...
When Hell is too full, The Damned shall walk the Earth
Maybe if my signature is witty enough, someone will finally love me.
When Hell is too full, The Damned shall walk the Earth
Maybe if my signature is witty enough, someone will finally love me.