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I've been seeing the same face again. That man with the white hair. Not an old man, he can only been into his twenty's, but his hair is white, like the pigments of color had left it. I almost wonder him to be albino, but he has blue eyes, something like the sky in summer. Not like winter ice, because they aren't cold me. I feel something in those eyes. I can't be real, because people like that don't exist in this world. Only in the fantasy stories you read because you need excitement. But still, I can't shake the feeling as though I know him. It's funny, because this time I noticed he was wearing a necklace, it was so similar to mine, but his was carved of something clear, it almost looks like ice, maybe a diamond, but diamonds aren't that big. So unrealistic. I should just drop it.
Then today as I was getting on the bus from class a man stopped me. The homeless here are crazy, though he looked more like a student. Some of the students are crazy though as well. He kept saying strange things to me. Asking what I can remember, asking what I was. It scared me because I still don't remember anything. I just remember the forest. It was so bright out, and full of life. Sometimes I get other pieces, like I remember the smell of lilacs, or there's a field too. I don't know where it is, maybe from my childhood, but the doctors don't know either, they can only bring me back so far. Anyways, the man left quickly. I'm not sure why he signaled me out. Maybe he knew about the accident and thought it would be a sick joke. But I thought I had gotten away from the people sympathizing. I haven't told Claire yet. She's been acting odd lately too. Constantly questioning where I was, or inviting herself to come along. Maybe I'm just being anti-social. But I want my space. I just don't feel right here in this city. I only have a year left of schooling, and I love architecture, but I want to go somewhere with forests. Like the ones I keep dreaming about. Maybe I'll find some answers there. I don't know why forests would draw me in, since that memory is supposed to be the last of my parents. But I don't remember them. They are just figments of my imagination. Sometimes I try to make them seem real. Make a memory of them holding me or telling me how well i did in school, but it all seems so fake. I don't feel as if they ever existed. Even the photographs, I stopped looking at them now.
Maybe I'll see that man again. As crazy as he was, I want to hear more. I feel like I'm living in some matrix s**t. Like the world around me one day will dissapear and I'll see what's actually going on. I don't think such thoughts are normal, oh well, not like I claimed to be anyhow. Time for a nap, I've been so tired lately. I hope I'm not getting sick.
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I think I'm going crazy. Every time I have a strong emotion, I can feel something like pin pricks on my back and into my finger tips. It doesn't hurt, it's just a strange sensation. And by the time I notice it, it goes away. Claire seems to have noticed, and asks me if I'm okay. I don't know why, but I've been more cautious. This journal, I've been keeping it on me at all times. I just started to notice if things in my room have been disturbed. I want to see that guy again...I want to hear what he has to say.
(Going to try to write a day to day thing with Aero. I wanted to do something where she was in a more modern world, so I figured out a way to pull it off. I'm kind of integrating her into my life, and things start to happen that don't make sense for her till she either makes it back through the barrier, or Fell, the man she's been having dreams about.)
 Anrui4 · Fri Dec 05, 2008 @ 08:27pm · 0 Comments |
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