Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Have you ever gotten so drunk, that you're pretty sure you're done so you go pass out, and then you wake up in the morning with a really bad hangover because you drank so much, but then you get up from your bed (that's on the floor, by the way) and within seconds, you realize, that irrefutably, you're still drunk?

Definitetly not as drunk as you were before, but you know that because you can't put on your shoes(which are slip-ons) in one try and you almost trip over some s**t on the floor and impale yourself on the coffee table in the room that, yes, you're definitely still drunk, and you think to yourself:
....Why?

Because now, not only do you have all of the bumbling s**t that comes associated with inebriation, but you also have a huge headache and light sensitivity, and nauesea, and none of the good reasons (or rather, more favorable) or side effects associated with having beers.

No, you've just got all the bad ones, and only that weird mindnumbing clarity that only happens when you wake up still drunk, that feeling that even though you definitetly have a hard time walking straight and probably shouldn't walk down those stairs, you can think straight and know before you even got up that you really ******** up, and then to punish yourself, you walk down those stairs anyway.

And then you curse yourself out for being a dumbass, because you get to the halfway-landing stair, and have the urge to puke, But you can't figure out whether you should run back up the stairs or down the rest, because the bathrooms are basically the same distance away on both floors, and regardless of which way you chose, there's still stairs, and there's still going to be a bad ending to deal with.


Yeah.
That seems to only happen to me when I drink chick drinks.

A lot of bad s**t has been happening lately. I kind of don't want to talk about it, which is sort of ironic with this being a journal and all, but whatever.

I haven't even looked at any of the posts I made last night, but I can tell you already I won't understand them, and I sunk to a new low.
********, I was laughing at myself as I was writing them.
And then I laughed more after I was done.

I want to cover my a** and say, "Well I was drunk, I didn't have control over myself," but I knew full well what I was doing. I knew exactly what I wasn't making sense about, what I was misspelling or saying too bluntly.

I was simply too lazy to edit the posts later and too ******** up to care about what my fingers were mashing. I even read the posts afterwards and laughed at how many typos I made, then refused to correct them because "half the fun of being drunk is shouting at the top of your lungs 'I'M DRUNK' to everyone within earshot".

Though to be fair, I was sort of oblivious to my grammatical errors, which make deciphering my posts THAT much harder. I think even I don't understand grammar when I'm that shitfaced. Must be why I like to type in short sentences with many spaces between them.

Regardless.

I don't even remember why I bought the beers in the first place.

See, my 21st birthday was on October 5th, but I didn't "recover"(haha what a stupid ******** word) from my jaw surgery until November. I never did celebrate my 21st birthday, and at this point there's no point in even setting a date because I have no one to celebrate it with. I kind of knew this would happen, but I guess it's my fault.
Anyway, I need to stop veering of topic here. I swear to god I must have some deep-rooted ADD that gets bad way more quickly when I've got the least bit of alcohol in me.
RIGHT
So for my birthday, my brother gets me this 12 bottle samuel adams sampler. And I'm so happy, because what a thoughtful gift that is.
But whoops, I hate beer.
I HATE BEER
I guess it's the thought that counts, and I did say thank you. But when it came time to drink that s**t(And that's what beer is all right? It's s**t) I knew I'd be coughing and gagging and making faces and I didn't want my brother to think I hated his gift.

He wanted us to drink together, because I got him sake for his birthday (which is in september). I think we were supposed to celebrate my birthday together too, but we never did settle on a date, and then thanksgiving happened.

******** thanksgiving.

I don't think I've ever had a thanksgiving go well when it's with my family.
You know what, holiday time just in general really sucks when it comes to my family.

Anyway.

My brother said some stuff to me that really hurt. I don't think I deserved it, but the statements were nevertheless true, and that made it sting all the more deeper.

My brother and I.... We don't talk a lot. And normally I wouldn't give a ******** what my brother says I guess. While we were growing up, we had some shitty things happen to us, but unlike all the TV and ******** movies, BIG SUPER BROTHER WHO PROTECTS YOU was never something he did. In fact, long after parents fixed up their acts, Big brother was still creating his own. He did a lot of s**t to me, I think he ******** me up worse than my parents ever could have.

But over the last few months it seemed like he was trying to make amends, trying to get that sibling love we never had I guess, and I dunno, hang out more.

So it was just, we were so close, and then BANG, "Wow you really think of me like that?"
And I cry about it for days afterward.

So I couldn't get the memories of "the good old days" out of my head, and I couldn't stop thinking about "Oh poo I'm never gonna have a brother I can connect with like every other family" and then I decide.
"You know what, my brother thinks I'm a crappy person I may as well just drink this sampler by myself."

And that was a few days a go. All of the beers tasted like a**. I sipped at all of them, picked the least disgusting (Boston Lager) and drank too bottles of that.

That was a nice, floaty, happy, contained drunk.
That was me playing it smart, bein' cool, only having what could maybe be equalled as 2 and a half beers.
To be honest, I don't even think I really was drunk, I think I was fooling myself because I knew that even if I wanted to go out and drink more I wasn't going to make myself drink the rest of that nasty s**t.

So anyway.
I drink that.
And that sets things in motion.
And some other s**t happens.
And last night, I dunno, I was pretty fine. I was cool, not emo at all for once because the drinking the other night had pretty destressed me, and then I was all, in the ******** middle of a skype chat, "You know what guys, I'm gonna go out and buy some drinks and get drunk tonight."
No real reasons.
"Be back in thirty minutes."

I've never been to an actual alcohol store before, but Roxy package is close than the super market and I didn't feel like driving that much.
They didn't have Sparks, which was my drink of choice two years a go the last time I decided to be stupid (for two full weeks without one moment of being sober, by the way. FYI: Don't ever do that), and I would've bought Jack, but I didn't realize how ******** EXPENSIVE Jack is.

I'm okay with vodka but the last time I drank it I got alcohol poisoning, so I've got this bad vibe with vodka now. I'd rather not drink any unless I've got a babysitter.
They didn't have any tattoo and I briefly looked for captain morrigan but they didn't have the flavors I wanted and ******** I was impatient and didn't want to walk around the store like a ******** because I didn't know what to get so I just got mike's hard lemonade, because I've drank that before and I didn't think anything super bad would happen and ******** if I was walking out of this damn store without any alcohol because I'd already made my mind up that I was getting drunk tonight.

And nothing super bad happened, which was good, but nevertheless I'm disappointed in myself. Typical hangover procedure, I guess.

I don't know what it is about fruity chick drinks, but it seems like you drink one and it just tastes good but you don't feel like you're getting buzzed fast enough so you drink more, and then before you know it, you've drunk the whole six pack even though you were TRYING to save the damn thing for AT LEAST two days, and the drunkenness just swarms over you like a huge flock of horse flies all over that damn manure pile that just got in a fresh new delivery of crap.

And then, if drinking by yourself at home alone weren't enough to be made fun of, you go into a skype voice chat so you feel like you're not a total drunkard who is just retarded and drinks alone, and then act stupid because there's no way to show off your drunkenness visually since it's a voice chat, and you keep just spouting stupid s**t until it invariably comes down to the point where your friends make fun of you for getting drunk off such a light load of MIKE'S for godsake, and you start feeling pretty bad for yourself, because it was mike's, and that's pretty low of you, but you don't care because HEY LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT--
what was that, Justin?? A drunk topic you say??
Sure, I specialize in those, let's go to the gcd and make TWO OR THREE OF THEM.

If I end up being known as the GCD Drunkard I think I'm just going to puke.
But I already did enough topics while proclaiming how drunk I was in one week that the damage is already done.

Oh well.