Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

im soooooo sad right now I wannna die so bad.I have nuthing to live for now I have hurt everyone I love and care about.I broke up with one of the best guys I think ive ever talked to in my life and I was stupid enough to let him go but I always wish I hadn't.Im happy though for Justin and Victoria.They are good together you know.Im just so pissed that everything is so stupid and all the decisions ive made and im sorry for hurting everyone around me.Im especially sorry for Justin all he did was love me and I broke his heart im truley sorry for that I hope he'll forive me.I dont blame him though if he doesn't.I dont blame anyone for my pain I blame noone but myself although it still hurts I make myself live with it.It just hurts so bad I want to end it but for some reason I just cant do it.I geuss its because of all the people in my life I really care about.I don't know but what ever it is it really makes me think about what death would be like and why I cant do it.Why I can't just take the knife and end it all.I miss my dad Aaron Lee Stevens too,his death was very tradgic and im so confused because everyone always talks about how it was an accident and he didn't mean to but how can I believe that when he commited suacide.I'm so confused I am always miserable I wish I could just end this all.All thepain,all the crying,the misery,the depression.I cry myself to sleep every night that is if I cant even get to sleep.Noone truely knows my pain I mean they do know some of it but they dont know everything.I don't think anyone wants to know every thing thats wrong with me.It would truely kill anyone to know everything in my life that was wrong with me.So I keep alot to myself.I suck it up and deal with it like my mother tells me to everytime I get sad.Every tear that is shed means nuthing to anyone it kills me.Im slowly dieing but noone will ever know that I hide it as best as I can

I don't run away I walk away slowly and it kills me that you dont try to stop me.