tbh: those are the ONLY two i can't live my life without.
- - -
i'm not that amazing, lmfao.
gtfo.
actually, i know i'm pretty much kind of the s**t.
but you don't see it that way.
you're lying every single time.
i hate how i got associated with your crowd last year.
they kind of keep sticking, like flypaper.
- - -
i'm getting upset with you.
i could give up on our friendship right now.
i don't need ours.
you've hardly been anything like my other best friends in supporting me.
:/
whatever.
- - -
TODAY WAS AMAZING.
I LOVE MY LIFE, LULS.
biggrin
shanice totally ******** cried when she saw my outfit.
no ******** s**t.
i'm still not sure if what i saw is what really happened lmfao.
but.
yeahhh. (:
i looked pretty ******** gorgeous today, at the NHS ceremony. (:
HAHA
AND IT WAS FUNNY
ME AND DAMIAN WERE TALKING ABOUT CIGS
AND YET WE'RE IN THE ******** NHS.
AND
CHERIE TALKED TO ME
WHO WAS PROBABLY HIGH HAAAA. biggrin
fun fun.
david looked cute.
i shoulda talked to marissa more.
and.
hmmm.
what else?
there's something else.
well anyway.
today's a good dayyy.
- - -
haven't been on dls in a while, anyway.
i have some things to say.
one;
i said:
ikr. vuindr fyc vilgehk ramm. uh dra fyo du vuindr EEE CYYYF RESSS. dryd ikmo, cdibet meddma lihd fru cduma so bmyla. yht e fyc sateydehk soamv eh so rayt du lyms socamv dra ahdena baneut. e drehg es paddan huf. pid ikr. e ryda drec zaymuico, cryhela. yht ypuja ed ymm, drec ec gynsy'c tyhla. sa yht zahhy, sa yht dryd... meddma ikmo vilg. famm, yd maycd e ryja so kuut muugc. RYRY. hajanseht. oayr.
she said:
Mum. oui kud suna dryh kuut muugc pypo kenm.
oui'na fyo suna dryh ouin kuut muugc.
e'ja ujan ed, naymmo.
e zicd ryda ruf cra tuach'd secc sa, YVDAN AJANODREHK. zicd secc sa. zicd secc dra beala uv ic dryd dneat cu tacbanydamo. dra bealac uv ic dryd lnaydat y raynd cu pek yht fyns, dra dfu uv ic ehdandfehat.
e lyh'd pameaja e syta oui pecaqiym.
e lyh'd pameaja ruf ikmo ra ec.
two;
i'm so ******** excited for all the community s**t/clubs/sports i'm doing.
this is so, so good for myself in the long run. it's a sense of pride and security.
i kicked myself last year for not doing ANYTHING.
and next year, i'll be in gsa again,
and and,
omadghadggod.
i'm so excited for this.
for my life.
for my girl.
for everything.
third;
SOO.
in eighth grade i was recommended, recommendedddd,
to be a peer ********' mediator. (:
out of all the successfully trained mediators, i was one of the few that actually got cases.
two,
cases in fact. (:
payne said i'd get a continuation when i hit freshman year,
but i didn't pick it up.
nowww, i'm applying again. (:
my application looks so good.
and my background looks really good.
and i know exactly what to say, because i've had this job before.
and i'll might even get props for being in the training again.
but really, it's not for any of that ego s**t,
i want to be helping people, solving conflicts,
and learning how to help my own conflicts.
the training itself will be good for me.
and it's just plain a extracurricular activity. which will look good. which is what i was talking about earlier.
four;
i might actually
get ******** chemistry with kylea,
ANDDD french with dorian and shanice.
and hell, megan too will be fun. i always liked her.
and patrick will be there.
but,
that means i don't get to see david anymore.
and i just,
i feel bad, because he talks to me there. and like... no one else.
not saying we're close or anything.
but if i was in his place,
i would,
i would--
ehh. :/
and i'm split between the fact that maybe,
MAYBE,
i didn'ttrymybestinchemistryhonors.
BULLSHIT.
imightbegivinguptoofast.
BULLSHIT.
no.
yes.
maybe.
ugh.
i don't ******** know, when i look back on it.
i...
eh.
with that possibility, i REALLY NEED TO CRANK AND PULL.
because, i will NOT let this exemption of a challenging course make me into a person that like,
runs away and gives up, and falls apart in front of a challenge.
...
but maybe i'm already on that road.
i don't ******** know.
i'm just-
i'm just not taking that ******** class.
i'm not letting it drop my gpa THAT BAD.
it moves way too fast,
and it doesn't feel right.
i won't let myself become that person.
even after this.
that,
that i promise.
- - -
i love
the s**t
i hear
about
you
all the
time.
- - -
i can liveee~
with or without youuu~
- - -
mmm~
i can't wait to apply for the ap street team.
that'll just be
one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life.
and i like this mindset/recurring set of topics, lately:
life.
life.
transitioning to college,
and then my career...
a lot of things are coming into focus.
i'm seeing a new world, here.
a new world full of so much potential, opportunity, and just.. happiness.
and it's not even all career-related.
********,
clubbing, drinking, more concerts, more freedom, cars, money, a home, a dog...
oh my ******** god,
i will,
get to relive my old hobbies, too.
skateboarding and guitar.
mmm.
so...
so much to look ahead to.
so much to look back at.
i feel pretty good
about everything.
- - -
you're so easy,
you're so sleazy,
bending backwards for a roll of fifities.
- - -
e ryda oui. e ryda ruf rummuf oui syga sa. e ryda ajanodrehk oui tet.
e't drnuf ed ymm yfyo. hu-- zicd dra byeh.
zicd dra fundrmacc drehkc fa tet dryd hajan sayhd yhodrehk, yhodrehk du oui.
- - -
OHHH.
SO
I TOTALLY STILL MAKE 6'S ON ESSAYS.
man, i'm so good.
and i only say that because i'm so proud of that.
i always wanted to be a great writer. it used to mean so much to me.
and just because it doesn't as much anymore, doesn't mean it's not a great accomplishment.
- - -
taking psychology isn't just another class.
it's like learning philosophy.
it's reality.
it's learning about life.
about us.
it's guiding.
it's intriguing.
it's self-changing.
- - -
growing.
changing.
seasons.
bloom.
light.
flash.
fake.
new.
run.
- - -
i had the text message all written out.
"i definitely, definitely waste my time with you."
and i ******** meant it.
but i'd ******** regret it when we're back on our good s**t.
but you know.
because it keeps on happening,
it makes me wonder.
whatever, man.
just ******** you.
******** you for now.
you'll make it up and i'll be naive and let all the smiles and hugs pour back in.
when i'll just be ******** up over you again.
i just saved the message in my drafts.
- - -
writing like i know,
i know i've killed this song to you.
- - -
i hate you.
i hate you so much.
i can't handle the hate myself.
it kills my character,
it kills my heart.
this fire.
i despise everything of you.
- - -
becca;
fryd ev cra teat?
i said,
e fuimth'd lyna.
becca:
naymmo?
i said,
e't lyna y meddma ped, palyica ed'c ran. yldiymmo, e't lyna y fruma mud. vun ran yht ran puovneaht. pid e't pa cu, cu nameajat yd dra cysa desa. cu nameajat.
- - -
just look at the fact, man.
i smoke.
i drink.
i've had sex.
the taboos of society.
but who am i?
i'm a productive member of the community.
i'm in the national honor society. 3.7 gpa in college-level classes.
i'm happy.
i'm emotionally and mentally healthy.
i have a future.
i have amazing friends.
i have an incredible romantic relationship.
i haven't been arrested.
all while smoking and drinking.
what does that mean, then?
just put it together.
i just love reppin' for the culture.
hip hoppers and scene kids aren't all ******** ups.
- - -
"i'm stubborn with the thought that failure was never an option."
- - -
i want someone to.
just so i can know the world knows.
- - -
you know what to do.
and i almost felt a grasp in my breaths when i took those steps away. i kept walking. i wasn't going to give in. no, not this time. this is the time i deal. you have to see, and i have to press these hard steps to make you see.
you know what to do.
i know you do.
- - -
still, you'll ask the same question, "what am i supposed to do?" and when that's been asked, i wouldn't hold any surprise in myself.
because inside, there's the knowing of the possibility that you'll never change.
cycle, cycle.
again.
- - -
i didn't dare to give you what you wanted. i made these steps knowing your every move along the way.
i've got your monopoly piece on my playing board.
so i laughed with them, flirted with them, and bonded with them, with all genuinity to fuel my purpose of getting you to realize.
and you'll realize.
oh, you will realize.
and you,
you stood feet away,
with a half of your eyes blinded,
and half paying a bitter, jealous attention.
- - -
hey, i'm nothing like you.
and i've got nothing to lose,
and nothing to prove.
think again.
- - -
real ******** secret:
i feel obligated to call you my best friend.
obligated.
- - -
so,
did you ever hear about pheromones, girl?
pheromones?
uio htu’d juam ers. iuo juma cre buaahcsnur. umm.
hahahahahahhahahahahahhaha.
little ********.
- - -
i love my friends.
i love my girl.
i love my beauty.
i love my grades.
i love my past.
i love myself.
i love my future.
i love my life.
- - -
i was listening to my ipod,
playing the perfect song for the scene.
- - -
i ain't even throwin' that jacket when it's torn and shrunk.
all my ex-girlfriends have worn that ******** jacket man lmfao.
everybody digs that jacket.
wish i could stretch it or something.
maybe i'll google how to.
i wanna still wear it.
- - -
Yht ev oui ajan cyet oui secc sa drah tuh'd cyo oui hajan meat.
E's fedruid oui.
Cu damm ymm dra Ahkmecr puoc oui saad, ypuid dra Ysanelyh puo pylg eh dra cdydac.
Dra Ysanelyh puo oui icat du tyda.
Fru fuimt tu yhodrehk oui cyo.
- - -
Hajan kuhhy kad ed nekrd, oui'na hajan kuhhy kad ed.
Hajan kuhhy kad ed nekrd, oui'na hajan kuhhy kad ed.
Hajan kuhhy kad ed nekrd, oui'na hajan kuhhy kad ed.
Hajan kuhhy kad ed nekrd, oui'na hajan kuhhy kad ed.
Hajan kuhhy kad ed nekrd, oui'na hajan kuhhy kad ed.
Hajan kuhhy kad ed nekrd, oui'na hajan kuhhy kad ed.
Hajan kuhhy kad ed nekrd, oui'na hajan kuhhy kad ed.
Hu suna cuhkc ypuid oui.
Yvdan drec uha, E ys tuha.
Oui yna, oui yna, oui'na kuha.
& i smile.
- - -
i want to man.
my heart says like, "DO IT."
and everyone else says to.
but my brain is so set on "No."
and,
i'm edging toward what my brain says.
because my brain is always right.
lmfao.
aahhhh.
i need to throw my phone away.
it's too tempting haha.
i bet you,
i'm going to give in to my heart tomorrow.
and call her.
BUT I SHOULDNTTTTT~
but i will.
wait.
no i won't.
yes,
i will.
no, i won't.
ugh, ********.
- - -
but either way, i win, regardless or why or how.
- - -
i seriously ******** you up in that today.
i'd like to see you defend yourself.
and not because i think i'm right or wrong,
but because you just.
you need to ******** explain this bullshit to me.
because i honestly don't see it any other way.
and neither,
does anyone else.
- - -
(this is the end.)
this story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear. (this is the calm.)
calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath. (we are the risen.)
i am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea. (after the storm,)
i spoke the words but never gave a thought of what they all could mean, (...rest in the sea.)
i know that this is what you want, a funeral keeps both of us apart. (washed up on the beach...)
you know that you are not alone.
i need you like water in my lungs.
- - -
Cmaab ymuha duhekrd fedr hu uha rana zicd po ouin ceta.
Ruf tuac ra vaam, ruf tuac ra gecc?
Ruf tuac ra dycda frema ra'c uh ouin mebc?
E lyh vunkad oui.
E ghuf oui fyhd sa du fyhd oui, E tuh'd fyhd du,
Pid E lyh'd vunkeja oui.
Cu frah drec ec ujan tuh'd pmuf ouin lusbucina pypo.
E lyh'd vunkeja oui,
E ghuf oui fyhd sa du fyhd oui, E tuh'd fyhd du.
E lyh vunkad oui, pid E lyh'd vunkeja oui. E lyh vunkad oui, pid E lyh'd vunkeja oui.
E lyh vunkad oui, pid E lyh'd vunkeja oui.
E lyh vunkad oui, pid E lyh'd vunkeja oui.
E lyh vunkad oui,
pid E lyh'd vunkeja oui.
cunttt faceeee. (:
- - -
Cmaab ymuha duhekrd fedr hu uha rana zicd po ouin ceta. biggrin DD
Cmaab ymuha duhekrd fedr hu uha rana zicd po ouin ceta?
Cmaab ymuha duhekrd fedr hu uha rana zicd po ouin ceta. (:
- - -
"i never told you everything,
and every memory along the way."
- - -
tell me once again that you'll love me to the death.
and should I die, you swear that you will come for me.
as I fade away you reach out your hand.
and please, don't let me go.
and i mean this. and i mean this will all my heart. with so much passion, i mean this, that tears almost reach my eyelids.
this is not romance.
this is not friendship.
this is you and i.
this is everything i need us to be.
this is the silence.
this is the cold.
this is the glory of these three days.
- - -
my best friends:
rebecca edwards
and shanice jones.
these are best friends.
my best friends.
these are people who,
i share the deepest connection with.
and each are with great disparity to each other in personality.
yet,
i'd tell the both of them everything.
i've shown them everything.
i can rely on these two.
i love these two.
i've shared years of memories with these two.
i'd share my life with these two.
i'd give my death will to these two.
i know i can trust these two with absolution.
i know i can be my true, genuine self around them,
and i would be sure to have amazing, great, hilarious, crazy times and moments that come so naturally and easily.
we go stupid and act a fool.
we talk and talk deep.
these are the only two people,
that i know i will live my entire life with.
and that certainty,
is so overwhelming,
and so secure.
these two people i cherish most in my life. these two people.
i'd die for these two, without a second of thought.
these people are not any other friend.
these people are not any other close friend.
these people are, i guess you could call, almost soul mates.
--and that sounds gay and cliche, but so fitting.
that is how deep of a friendship, of a trust, of a connection, of a chemistry,
that i have,
with rebecca and shanice.
and i cherish it with all my heart.
they keep me sane.
they keep me happy.
they keep me straight.
i wouldn't be the same without the two of them, any which of them.
guys, i love you.
and i know you know that i do. i wouldn't even have to say it.
and i can't say that about anyone else.
- - -
******** ********!
******** you, shanice!
******** ********, i thought i could ******** forgive you. I WANTED TO.
my heart told me to.
everyone told me to.
BUT MY ******** BRAIN SAID NO.
MY ******** BRAIN SAID YOU'D DO THE SAME ******** GOD DAMN ******** s**t.
AND I WAS RIGHT.
FOR THE MILLIONTH GOD DAMN TIME IN A YEAR, I WAS ******** RIGHT.
******** you.
i don't care if you don't ******** care.
i don't care about the mindless s**t you spew.
******** you.
i don't want to ******** lose you as my best friend.
but right now i really don't ******** know.
you've treated me like ******** s**t this entire ******** month, or two months.
god.
i just want to ******** cry.
i call you, and look what happened.
look what ******** happened.
i didn't even think you'd do that.
god ******** ********.
god, i feel like ******** crying, and screaming, and just running away.
i can't ******** believe this.
i can't ******** believe this.
god.
oh my ******** god.
son of a ******** b***h.
i hate you.
right now, i hate you.
and you won't care! of course you won't care!
god, what a ******** jerk. a ******** cold a** ******** ********.
i take back all the ******** s**t. i take back ******** everything.
******** ******** you.
GOOD LUCK WITH THE s**t YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS WEEKEND.
I HOPE THEY KICK YOUR ******** a**.
I'D BE ******** ROOTING THEM ALONG.
god.
ugh.
oadgjkjdlkghskl.
i should have-- i should have--
UGHHLKAHDKGADH.
********!
why the ******** did i forgive you? why the ******** did i give in? why the ******** DID I ******** DO THAT?
GOD ******** DAMN!
i should have let myself ******** miss your ******** sorry a**.
but it's not like YOU DESERVE MY MISSING OF YOU.
GOD!
lkjshdlkghsldkgksfh.
******** hell!
i shouldn't have called you.
because of course you don't give a damn whether or not we're talking.
god.
******** you.
you lost me, shanice.
you lost me tonight.
you ******** lost your best friend.
it's YOUR FAULT.
KNOW THAT. IT'S A FACT. KNOW THAT YOU LOST ME.
god.
and last night, what i said about you?
oh my ******** god.
how stupid was that.
ugh.
i just want to call jess and ******** cry.
of course you don't want to fix anything.
how stupid could i ******** be!
ljfl;fdl;hjlk;fdh.
god.
oh my ******** god.
i just need to cry.
i just want to break down and cry.
god!!!
******** you.
******** your sorry a**.
say goodbye to your best friend.
it's over.
it's done.
i'm tired of you.
klsjdglkfkljgfh.
...
why... why do i do this.
why do i do this.
why do you do this to us? why do you do this to us?
ha.
wow.
i actually feel like calling you back, again.
just because i was the one to hang up.
just because i want to scream it to your ******** face.
maybe you ******** need that.
- - -
ah.
oh man.
thank you, shanice.
just.
it's good now.
- - -
all you had to do was set me in my place.
i NEED to talk to kylea or becca about this.
my ********' therapists man.
i mean,
oh my GOD,
this ******** terrifies me.
- - -
"wow, you remember."
"what can i say, a cute girl's face catches my attention."
"...you're spittin' game and it's working. you miss me?"
LOL.
i still got the skills, dls.
'course, 'course.
lmfaooo.
/totally playin'.
- - -
YOU'RE SO GEEKY LMFAO.
but i love you.
ahaha.
"mrs raymond... is there anything over asian rituals in chapter eleven?"
"The Players."
"TAIguh River."
-shanice chokes of laughter-
haaaa hahaha. (:
i dig our inside jokes tremendously.
you're too dramatic that it embarrasses me.
- - -
i adore culture. it inspires me. i love people. people is culture. culture is people.
the punk culture man, hip hop, the love revolution,
riot girl, slang, the generations of music,
film, controversy, art, sexuality,
idealism, realism, philosphy, libertarianism,
in africa, america, europe, everywhere,
all across the board.
i love culture.
i love it.
that's my life, man.
that's my life.
i'm just so inspired, right now.
i'm so motivated about my future.
i have so much direction,
yet so much absence of it,
but that absence leaves a wondrous realm of possibility after possibility.
i have so much time,
and so much potential.
hope.
- - -
i'm hittin' s**t up right now.
lookin' at belmont, central florida, atlanta, florida state, and just random research s**t.
i rrrreally hope that ******** uf has the courses i want. :/
ugh.
they have a music department,
but it's like, ******** concert and band shiz.
ughhh.
there's NOTHING on music business or cultural perspective.
blahh blahh.
well, let's not get there.
right now, i've got a couple interesting things--
mass communications; public relations, radio-television.
telecommunication.
musicology.
pop music and the cultural perspective.
cultural diversity in the u.s.
history of jazz.
and then there's some really fun s**t i wanna take just to learn--
personality psychology.
philosophy.
WOMENS STUDIESSS.
sociology.
soo. i'm excited.
but hella scared of the possibility that i could ******** up the most genuine goal of my life.
but ******** that, man.
failure ain't even an option.
this is exactly why i'm busting my ********' a** off to get a's.
why i'm taking college classes now,
pushing my gpa over 3.7, 3.9, 4.1.
it's not for the glory, or the ego, or the rewards,
to be in nhs, top student, honor roll, or whatever.
that doesn't mean anything to me.
why i'm doing this is so i have as many doors open for career.
does that even make sense?
high road.
- - -
please don't think i care.
because i stopped caring since midway last year.
i already knew you and i wouldn't even talk after high school.
you and i have never had the same depth as i had with shanice or becca.
they made me realize what real friendship is.
you think you're my best friend?
think again.
letting you go has been easy.
it's not even that;
you weren't there for me these past two months.
you've been hardly there for me at all.
and that made me realize a lot of things.
becca was.
hell, shanice was.
yht oui'ja paah yhhuoehk drec oayn.
UVYSM.
onnucccc.
goodbye.
- - -
i'll always miss you.
i'll always want to be more with you.
heh,
i remember you saying i was your best friend?
i don't even know, man.
you're so confusing.
i just don't want to lose you.
not completely.
and if i already lost you this year,
i hope we share a class next year.
or the year after, if you end up staying at ophs for more than just three years.
ugh.
i don't know.
i always valued you, man.
you were a chill a** chick.
i still have this like... unfilled void where i'd just come onto the bus and tell you everything.
you just listened to me.
you just made me laugh.
you were a great friend.
this is so cheesy.
you probably don't even feel the same way,
dorian.
and i'll never tell you this.
but i always felt just,
best friends at times.
and then hardly even.
but i don't know.
that's so very likely the two of our concepts of friendship colliding,
or just my sensitivity,
or your absent-mindedness.
whatever.
we'll see how things come out.
you'll always mean something to me, though.
/gayyy.
- - -
LOLOLOL.
if shanice ever reads my posts.
she'll understand this one completely;
"i can tell he was a player, but he knows just how to make you lose control.
somehow i knew shawty is a killer, but I really want him, and i got to have him tonight.
straight heart breaker, but it really don't matter, 'cause I really want him tonight.
the way he licks his lips; i'm in an infatuated state of mind. he's so hard to resist.
i gotta tell you, baby boy is so fine. just got to have you."
- - -
whenever they're both asleep and not picking up,
i just get bored, and starting missing talking to you.
i've wanted to call you so bad many times.
but then i think how you never even call me back.
so i guess... you don't even like, want to talk to me at all.
whatever...
you probably don't even read my posts anymore.
i hope somehow you find this one.
- - -
so i wrote about you.
i guess they'd call it songwriting.
i wouldn't call it that.
- - -
well,
i hope.
i just hope.
and i'm fine with hope.
- - -
so she comes up to me right after the bell rings.
with a smile.
with this joyful vibe.
hands me a note with the name, "mon chou."
that's always our thing.
dawg, yo' rappin' skills was off the chain yo'! LOL.
sorry 'bout last night. i don't really stay up late anymore.
i was worn out from b-ball tryouts.
i'd call you back tonight but i won't get home from my meet 'till about 10 o'clock.
i'll try though. (:
but i won't talk about what happened saturday night.
i haven't really talked about it with anyone.
kim knows as much about it as you do.
i don't think i wanna talk about joy either.
but anyways, what's happening with you?
everything ok i hope.
it's things like this that keeps me coming back to me.
she does care.
it's so fluctuating though.
but the fact that it's there,
is just,
i don't know.
it's reassuring, and means a whole lot.
i love shanice to death.
best friend for years, yo'.
and;
she actually acknowledged last night, which is something she never does,
she said sorry,
she said nobody really knows either,
and said she'd call me back.
LOL.
wow.
just.
total change for now ha.
- - -
I DON'T CARE LOL.
YOU ANNOY ME.
can't you see i'm tired?
- - -
i get so many compliments through the day.
- - -
why did i dream about you?
ugh. ******** UGH.
i've dreamed about you three ******** time this week. :/
two of them was that we talked everything out, and were friends again.
one of that, was you said you still loved me.
the other one,
was,
hm. :///
- - -
you know.
this won't ******** ever ******** happen when i'm eighteen.
******** parents.
- - -
can i be here for you?
no-- i need to be here for you.
then i'll just end up being like alyssa.
i won't.
i'll do what i need to do, for us. for you.
i'm here for you.
100%.
hell, i can't even just... explain all the things you've done for me.
you're such a great best friend, becca. you truly have been, for 3, 4 years?
oh my god.
i don't know if i can live up to it.
ha, you're so much fun. (:
and just such a great mentor.
you're my hero.
i hope i can do for you, what you've done for me.
- - -
i'm worn thin.
there's something inside of me.
because of you,
because of them,
because of myself.
i'm insecure and so alive.
so vulnerable.
so desperate.
so in control.
i need to talk to you, face to face.
soon.
or i'll seriously break the ******** apart.
and i can't even tell becca until you say whatever it is you'd say.
- - -
"would you like the company, or are you sick of me?"
- - -
"it's the kind of movie teenagers wish they had at least one of."
yeah?
i have that every day.
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& hit it.
use the archive button to navigate, yo. (:
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