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This is the first page of my story. tell me what u think. sweatdrop mrgreen rolleyes

The Ny1 Thieves

Here is a group of thieves,
who have a master,and complete his evil deeds.
Through the night, they sneak and steal,
finishing their master's tasks, getting his appeal.
they made a deal,if they help him,
He will help them back, before the end of their friend.


"Gaiyate!" Miranda shouted at us. She only spoke Spanish, when she was
stressed.Well, I can see why she's freaking out, I mean she was the whole reason
we were out here. The whole idea of people's lives destroyed by her, wasn't exactly
appealing to her.
"Guys, seriously. it's of utmost importance, we've reached our destination."
"Oh, we have. Okay, chill. I'll take care of the guards. Heh, heh. Now, shall I
have some fun." Justin always showed off and overdid it, whenever he got the chance.
I felt something snap underneath my feet.
"Hey, did you hear that! " a guard exclaimed.
"s**t!" I swore under my breath.
" Nah, it was probably a goblin. You know how this is the number one goblin territory."
reassured the guard.
" Yeah, probably. Those things are so pesky, there is never any peace. They're
always off sneaking around. That's why there is guards always stationed at the front
door, so they don't steal anything. but, I'm not worried, because I have a laser beam
gun."
"Whoa, they handed out one to you. Almost no body was assigned on, you're
so lucky. I heard they hired some goblins to steal some from the Mage's Weaponry
Station. Hey, hey. Here's an idea, can I try it out?"
" Yeah, of coarse." the guard handed it to the other. "They're nuisances but they're very sneaky and stealthy. That's why they're hired twenty four-seven. But, i still don't trust them. I mean the other day I couldn't find my watch and I think that one of them..."
"Augh! What's happening to me? I... can't... move." Whoa. Justin had already began. His parents owned the weaponry station and he knew they worked very hard on the weaponry for our country. It must've ticked him off to know that some of their inventions were stolen, and here were two guards he could take it out on. May Justin have mercy.
Yep. he didn't give them any mercy. No matter how many times I seen his way of magic, it always caused a chill to creep its way to my spine. Especially now.
The guard's faces turned into a grey color and veins burst out of their head. While, they choked and gasped for air. They looked like they were drowning, but not peacefully and on purpose. But, of course they wouldn't die just be unable to move and they would have a hard time breathing. They looked shocked every time, as if it was their last few moments to live where now. I would never forget what paralyzation looked like. Never.