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I'll admit that today is not the best day of my life. It went from sick to pissed to apathetic to pissed again, to wanting to cry my eyes out.

"If I'm not throwing up while I brush my teeth, I'm throwing up after I eat my breakfast, so my stomach has had it by the time I get to school."

My mom thought I had morning sickness. Can you even get that if you're not pregnant? I told her I was a virgin, which I am. And quite happily so, but I'm getting sicker and sicker in the morning, and I don't know why.

After lunch, I'm okay, but I'm still insanely hungry.
And I don't know why, because I'm eating enough food.
But the thing is, I'm equating food to displeasure, so now I try to keep my time at the dinner table at a minimum, which means if I finish my plate I'm done, and even if I'm still hungry, I leave. Because I'm such a pathetic loser who can't stand talking to other people.

I've given up on making any more friends. The table I sit it at, the table I FOUNDED, for lunch, nobody listens to me. They all completely ignore me.
I suck at BPE, I suck at Writer's Workshop because I have no ******** motivation, and Law Enforcement is just a sucky class where I can't prove a point in the debate because I'm an idiot who just so happens to be pro-gay marriage and pro-government/religious seperation.

I'm seriously getting to my wit's end. My stomach is such a pain in the a**, nothing can touch it if it weighs more than a feather. If it does, I'm ready to bounce on the person, because it feels like they're poking my insides. So that means no seatbelt for me.

Everyone is ignoring me. I don't know what kind of insane thing I did wrong for people to suddenly start ignoring me so completely, but I feel like a freaking ghost.
Then on the car-ride home today, my mom mentioned-or, changed the subject to my 18th bday. Yeah, I'm turning 18 on October 5th.

My mom is trying to guilt me into having a party or something since I've "deprived" them of everything else. Oh, ok, so because I don't allow them to prance around large social gatherings to show me off like an expensive pair of sunglasses, I'm suddenly "depriving" them.

So they're trying to give me these hints so that I think I'm coming up with this idea for a party all by myself instead of them guilting me into it. I'm sorry, even if I wanted to, I couldn't.

I have no friends. I've been betrayed, here. No friends = no visitors to parties.
No friends = no get-together at a fair.
No friends is a huge gaping hole of s**t I can't do.

All I really wanted for my 18th bday was to sit down and smoke a cigerette or two, but my parents have such a firm grip on me they won't even let me expirement. I could've smoked since I was 16, but I didn't. When I'm 18 I'll be legally able to buy cigs AND smoke them, and even when I ASKED -OMG A SHOW OF TRUST- they said no.

Now I know they're looking out for me, but I want to at least expirement! Thye got to smoke weed, they got to smoke cigerettes, they got to be alcoholics.. I can't at least try it just to DO it?

For my 18th bday I want to be alone without restraints. Not loving enough is hurtful. Loving too much is even worse.

For my 17th bday, I did nothing. It was like any other day. I never heard the end of it. I was "depriving" my parents.

Now I don't even know if I can move away, because everyone's going "Tulsa? Wtf's in Tulsa?" You know what. NOTHING. NOTHING is in Tulsa.

And maybe that's why I want to go. So I can be a big glop of nothing.