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I've been thinking, and I don't want to be strangers anymore

My family has been an issue for quite a while now, and I don't know what to do. I want to make amends with the people that have issues with me, and I also want to help those who need guidance. They may not listen to me, but I want to do what I can, anything at this point, just to make some sort of difference. I can't take this hate anymore. I'm beaten inside; my heart hangs by a thread.

I sketched a drawing yesterday. It was a heart broken in three parts, and it was held together by strings (I was thinking like leather string... the punk-rock girl in me wink ). It made me realize, that that's how I'm feeling right now. My heart is broken for my mom and my brothers and sisters. I, like mom, cannot bear another difficult Christmas. I want to have a good Christmas, for once, since dad died. That's my goal - the first good Christmas since 2001.

Strange, isn't it? It's been seven years, and it still hurts. Not directly, his death I mean, but the effects of his passing still lingers all the time. And, nobody wants to change their attitudes. It's frustrating, depressing, and hurtful all rolled in together. How can I make this better? And no, I don't think counseling is what we need; we're a family, and we can figure this out ourselves. It's the individuals that need to change, and it's possible if I have faith and pray.

I ask that you help me in my cause. I pray that our wounds will heal.
~I pray that my mom finds the strength and faith within herself to overcome these barriers; I also pray that she finds someone new and wonderful to love (she's been in need for quite some time).
~I pray that my brothers will resolve their issues; more specifically, directed towards the older brother, for he is stubborn, lazy, selfish, egotistical, bossy, threatening, and depressed.
~I pray that my sisters, more specifically the older sister, accepts the new family members and forgives my brother for whatever she has against him.
~I pray that my newly acquired sister-in-law accepts my apology and friendship, in hopes for a better future and relationship between us and her children.
~I pray that my family does not fall apart; the last thing my mom and I need is to lose the only family ties we have left that keeps us going.

If for only one night, please send a prayer to our Heavenly Listeners. Thank you, friends; I love you all, and I look forward to seeing y'all in the next couple months.

Peace and Love always,

Anna Janine
aka: Patrick's little sister
aka: BA 26 retreatant-Rydell Ranger
aka: "The Skit Stalker" xd

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