I Wish I Had An Eternity
Everyone says that eternity doesn't exist. Well, I just wish it would. For the whole time, it was more like a death to me. I had a decision to make, either to let go, or give up. It was a pretty hard choice to make because I don't do neither of them. It wasn't like me to let go, or give up. but when I was thinking about it that whole time, I figured that my time was almost up. That's why I wish I had an eternity, so I can have the whole time to think right and choose right. I was always lying to myself, and I hated myself for it. It was like I didn't know who I was, and if I don't make the right move, then I believe that I will regret it for the rest of my life. I owe a lot of people an apology because I made most of my life a lie and a huge mistake. I don't know if it's just me or if I'm just jealous and that's why I pretend. That's another reason why I hate to be me. Because the most worse thing about me is that I get jealous too easily. I mean, I would get jealous if my man says that another chick looks hot other than me. I mean seriously! It really bothers me too when I don't get attention, but sometimes when I feel moody, I don't want any attention.
But when I've to realize it sooner or later, my choice was a big difference no matter what. It might be a bad of big difference, but it was at least a difference, no matter how much I can say it. I won't regret anything that I've done, because I promised myself that I won't be able to forgive myself if I made a huge mistake. So making a decision like this was really wroth it, no. I might be just thinking for myself... no, I'm thinking of the others, because no matter how the resolution becomes, I'll hurt them in the end if I won't do anything. I know that this really is a waist of my time thinking like for a long time, but I know what I've done is right. If not, than every effort that I made a a waste. I would be laughing at myself if it was a waste.
All the time I was thinking... most of it would have to be a waste for some reason/ Why would a young person like me think that much for something called love. Was I insane? i'm younger than my best friend... and she didn't even have any love relationships, and she's all perfect little her. I'm not blaming her for anything personal, but she doesn't have to got hrough the same thing as me. And I really envy her for that. She doesn't have much problems like what I have, because she doesn't care most of the time. But I'm a very sensitive kind of person. I would feel sorry for a person eating lunch or dinner alone... even if he wasn't or was working. I would feel sorry for a dog staying outside in the rain and I might or might not help. It depends if the dog is dangerous or just plain to sad.
It sucks being me most of the time... or maybe all the time. I have a bad personality. And I wish I had time to make myself like me more. If that ever made sense. But I do have regrets and remorse in my life like everyone else in there love. I do regret saying and doing stuff to people. And maybe more than that. I really wish that I had time to make myself force or let myself tell them I'm sorry. But I don't have the time. And apperantly I don't have the courage to... or maybe I do, but I'm still timid, I tell myself that I have courage when I really don't. But like I said, I wish I had an eternity to last the courage and make sure all my mistakes were taken care of... Just for the ones I love...
Everyone says that eternity doesn't exist. Well, I just wish it would. For the whole time, it was more like a death to me. I had a decision to make, either to let go, or give up. It was a pretty hard choice to make because I don't do neither of them. It wasn't like me to let go, or give up. but when I was thinking about it that whole time, I figured that my time was almost up. That's why I wish I had an eternity, so I can have the whole time to think right and choose right. I was always lying to myself, and I hated myself for it. It was like I didn't know who I was, and if I don't make the right move, then I believe that I will regret it for the rest of my life. I owe a lot of people an apology because I made most of my life a lie and a huge mistake. I don't know if it's just me or if I'm just jealous and that's why I pretend. That's another reason why I hate to be me. Because the most worse thing about me is that I get jealous too easily. I mean, I would get jealous if my man says that another chick looks hot other than me. I mean seriously! It really bothers me too when I don't get attention, but sometimes when I feel moody, I don't want any attention.
But when I've to realize it sooner or later, my choice was a big difference no matter what. It might be a bad of big difference, but it was at least a difference, no matter how much I can say it. I won't regret anything that I've done, because I promised myself that I won't be able to forgive myself if I made a huge mistake. So making a decision like this was really wroth it, no. I might be just thinking for myself... no, I'm thinking of the others, because no matter how the resolution becomes, I'll hurt them in the end if I won't do anything. I know that this really is a waist of my time thinking like for a long time, but I know what I've done is right. If not, than every effort that I made a a waste. I would be laughing at myself if it was a waste.
All the time I was thinking... most of it would have to be a waste for some reason/ Why would a young person like me think that much for something called love. Was I insane? i'm younger than my best friend... and she didn't even have any love relationships, and she's all perfect little her. I'm not blaming her for anything personal, but she doesn't have to got hrough the same thing as me. And I really envy her for that. She doesn't have much problems like what I have, because she doesn't care most of the time. But I'm a very sensitive kind of person. I would feel sorry for a person eating lunch or dinner alone... even if he wasn't or was working. I would feel sorry for a dog staying outside in the rain and I might or might not help. It depends if the dog is dangerous or just plain to sad.
It sucks being me most of the time... or maybe all the time. I have a bad personality. And I wish I had time to make myself like me more. If that ever made sense. But I do have regrets and remorse in my life like everyone else in there love. I do regret saying and doing stuff to people. And maybe more than that. I really wish that I had time to make myself force or let myself tell them I'm sorry. But I don't have the time. And apperantly I don't have the courage to... or maybe I do, but I'm still timid, I tell myself that I have courage when I really don't. But like I said, I wish I had an eternity to last the courage and make sure all my mistakes were taken care of... Just for the ones I love...
