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dear you;
ahh, flirting with me. you came as such a surprise. as always, your player side shows. and as always, you couldn't ever fail in trying to make me smile, girl.
you'll always have a piece of me. remember this.
we've moved on, whether or not you even had anything to move on from. and now, i'm left with memories. incredible memories.
and that's all i ever want from you.
but i've said it once and i'll say it again: i still miss your cute presence in my life.

you and i were amazing.
i was once in love with you.

- - -

dear you;
your voice was so familiar. i wasn't even startled. i just went along with it.
i think your player rubs off onto me. hell, it's how i got to get smooth with you in the first place. got a chick like you to fall for a chick like me in the first place.

dear you;
i pretended to be naive. i bet it didn't show.
i could tell your voice any day.
besides... i'll never throw away the one amazing memory we had.
sunday.
that phone call was second to best that i have ever experienced.
no-- that conversation was second to best i have ever experienced.
i can still remember how high you and i became. the tension. the passion. the connection.

i won't tell anybody this.
but i think it's just kind of destined,
that the day, the day i reminisce,
is the day you talk to me once again.

yeah.
we were driving today, after this incredible day,
just laying in the dark of the car, relaxing with our own thoughts.
skylights and highlights.
and i thought of everything,

and i thought of you.

and then i hear your voice.
you came as such a surprise.

all i want from you is friendship.
i think now, maybe that's all we should have had.
...LOL. so kidding.
i'd do it
all the ******** over again.
right to the ending. the perfect ending, the perfect break up. the break up so clean and painless but still full of loneliness. no strings. pure closure.
it was just... beautiful tragedy, for me.
and that's all we could have gotten. you and i would not last. not with a personality like mine, and not with the lack of determination of yours.

you showed me so many things, girl.

and you also showed me,
that amy was all i ever needed.
and the girl that i would want
the most.

- - -

amy.
shanice.
steph.

the three loves of my life.
and i could put tori and desiree there, too.
but i don't feel it.

and who do i want the most?
amy.
the girl i have right now.
the girl that i've loved for nearly two years.
the girl that has worked with me to create this amazing relationship that can withstand so much, and has withstood so many tribulations.
the girl i share so much passion for, devotion for, experience with, and trust with.
the girl who, although my heart has pieces of others, she holds the biggest, brightest part.

mmm.
amy faith elizabeth ferry.
that's the girl.
that's her.
she's mine. (:

/happily ever after.

- - -


UGH.
....:/

i freaking dreamed about dorian. AGAIN.
AND IT WAS THE SAME DREAM AGAIN.
buses.
walking.
no smiling.
boyfriend.
buses.
first day.

aghidshgsfkh.
it's a little different each time.
but basically the same.
and this time she ACTUALLY said it straight up;
"i don't want your friendship."

ughjsosdjj.
and i'm actually kind of believing it.
if i put the pieces together, it kind of makes sense.
... :/

whatever.
i lost a best friend, dls.

- - -

ah, man.
i miss her.
i'm even dreaming about her?
i've never dreamed about ANYONE that i missed/had a conflict with.
and this is the third freaking time.
ugh. |:
it's not even ENORMOUSLY serious to the point that i'd dream about her. it just hurts thinking about the possibility.

ah man. :/
i can't even express how i feel about this right now.

- - -

dear you;
yeah. i'm not thinking about you, today.
see, it comes and it goes.
you're not that big of a deal in my life, anymore.

goodbye.