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This is a rant. I’ll probably regret this later, as I’ll be in a better mood. But for now, it stays up. It's a bit weird, as I literally have two different sets of emotion on the subject, and I worked very hard to get both points across.

I understand that looking good is a part of society. Dressing up to go wherever it is you’re going is important for first impressions, etc. It even tells people important things about you. But see, I’ve never been one for society anyway.

I have no problem with looking good. I like looking good. But if I’m going somewhere that I go every day of my life, then I really don’t care that much unless I’m feeling particularly odd that morning. See the way I see it is if I’m shoved in a building with hundreds of teenagers every day, then I’m not about to get dressed up all pretty for them – because seriously, who am I dressing up for if not for them? The teachers? If they judge a student on what they wear instead of the work and interest and general intelligence they put in, then there’s a few things they need to work on.

I suppose that a few of my friends are concerned about me and think that my general slacking off in the clothing department (lolpun) is a very frustrating thing. Why, I’m not entirely sure, but I suppose that it at least means they care. But if I do not want to be concerned about looking as perfect as possible every day, then who freaking cares? I thought it didn’t matter what you looked like to friends. I love you guys, but I’m sick of you telling me that I need to do this or that with my appearance. Suggestions, sure, but not this demanding thing that it boarders on when I make it clear that I don’t care about appearances as much as you want me to. You may not realize it, but this affects me, and not in the way you want it too. This is not a part of who I am right now. School is about friends, fun, and learning to me, not impressing people. I don’t want a boyfriend right now. I have a good set of friends who (probably) don’t care about appearances anyway. So why would I freaking need to dress up? Who for?

Of course, part of that bit was wishful thinking. Some days, it's all very true. Otherwise, this is:

Sometimes I do try to not just look decent but look good, and yes, those days feel good. In fact, they feel phenomenal. I spend all day obsessing and then glow when someone compliments me. But you know what? It doesn’t always get noticed, or I do a bad job, and then it's just horrible. To be honest, I’m bad at it even when I’m not slacking. The only times you notice are if I a): am wearing new clothes or b): am wearing makeup. Think about it and you might just realize that it’s true. I’m sorry, you have the right to enjoy these things, but doesn’t it sound superficial to criticize someone’s appearance if they don’t have the two? I've tried so hard on some days to look even decent on days when I don't have time for those, and it always fails. I mean, even on a normal day I give it some actual time and thought before I realize it's not working, at which point I feel like crap for awhile until I forget about it. Yippee. I only look good when I'm wearing new stuff and crap on my face.

There is nothing wrong with dressing up. But it should never be forced, because then it’ll look forced or at least feel forced. I like me. Sometimes I have self-esteem problems, often stemming from the way I look on an average day even when I try (the worst part is, of course, when people claim that I "don't try" wink . I second-guess myself every time someone criticizes me on something. But what really makes me like me is not dressing up, but the thought that you guys like me too, without me having to worry about what I look like every freaking day. I hope you can get over my general ugliness for that.

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