Well, since this is my first entry, I should probably say that life for me has sucked latly. Im have been depressed for so long. It seems like everything just gos wrong for me. This is a song that I wrote, just trying to get my thoughts out. I originally wasnt going to show it to any one, but after thinking about it, I realized that I just didnt care.

It doesnt have a title, I dont know if I even want to name it. And yes, I do realize that every line starts with I wish. But thats because thats what they are, wishes. So, here it is:

I wish that I could hold you again,
I wish it meant something more to you.
I wish, I hadn't screwed up so badly,
I wish, I could undo everything.

I wish that I could hate you.
I wish that it would get through my thick skull, you never cared.
I wish I could run from you, try and never think of you again
I wish I could hold you one more time.

I wish I didn't think about you like I do.
I wish you'd get the ******** out of my head.
I wish I couldn't see you there, sitting in my mind.
I wish it'd all go away with a simple pull of a trigger. [The thoughts]

I wish that I didn't hate life so much right now.
I wish things would just work and fall into place.
I wish that I didn't have to do stupid s**t, just so you'd pay attention to me.
I wish you didn't get mad at me for trying to get your attention.
I wish you would go away, sometimes.
I wish that you would let me go away, and let me leave the nest.

I wish I still had my job.
I wish I didn't ******** that up too.
I wish it wasn't so hard, trying to make it in the real world.
I wish people would recognize when I'm doing a good job,
I wish people would stop saying I'm not doing anything at all.
I wish I got paid more.
I wish my boss wasn't such a d**k.
I really wish I still had my job, even if I hated it.

I wish I didn't feel like crap everyday.
I wish something would cheer me up for longer than just an hour or two.
I wish nothing would take that small happiness from me again.
I wish I could stop feeling like I shouldn't exist, like I don't want to.

I wish I could believe all the nice things people say.
I wish I wasn't so paranoid, and that I could believe them.
I wish that I couldn't tell when they're lying.
I wish that I wouldn't get hurt when that happens.
I wish I wasn't so twitchy, and paranoid.

I wish I hadn't done the things I've done.
I wish I could take it all back, and do it all over again.
I wish my life didn't turn out this way.
I wish it was good, and I did everything right.

But, most of all, I wish I was happy.
I wish I could change my life in an instant.
I wish I could make it all right.
I wish I had more time to do that.
I wish I wasn't so goddamned depressed.
I wish I could change it.
I wish I stopped ******** everything up.
I wish I was in someone's arms.
I wish it was someone that really cared, someone I enjoyed being around.
I wish they would tell me everything would be ok, even if it won't.
I wish they really existed.
I wish I could stop crying.