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I'm starting to realize that my friends can't stand me at all.

Like I think I pissed off my friend Yolie. She always has to hear about how lonely I am and how I suck at romance and how I always screw everything up with guys. And now I have a crush on her brother/uncle and now I think she might really be mad at me. And I've been asking her questions about him and such, but I think maybe I took it too far. I think maybe I should be silent about it for a while, or not talk to her for a while and maybe she'll forgive me. But I feel so guilty right now. I think she only put up with it becuase she didn't want to hurt my feelings, but I think she really was getting tired of it. Now i feel like s**t and I want my vocal cords ripped out so I can't talk anymore. But I don't wish such cuz it sounds like a painful experience and i would be took chicken to do it. lol, I can't even be emo properly.

And my firends Mike and Amanda. I feel they don't like me very much. I'm too emo, I worry to much, and again i talk about my love life and how much it sucks. And on top of that I express my insecurities about sex.

And my firend Jeremy. I know he just can't stand me. Again, i'm too emo and I talk about my love life too much.

I also feel i've been interfering with Jeremy and Yolie's happiness. I only go to see them once a week, but I even think that's pushing it. I don't think they really want to see me at all. Besides, what couple wants some stupid loser who can't even find love to tag along with them? I know i personally wouldn't mind another firend tagging along to hang out, but everybody is different. I don't think jeremy and Yolie like me to come and hang out anyway. I think they would prefer to be alone together. And now here I am taking interest in Yolie's brother/uncle, and I'm sure i've made it even worse.

here's the thing, happy couples don't liek single girls. They don't. They are annoyed by them. They feel that single girls want to steal the happiness that they have.
But it's not like I wanted to steal Jeremy and Yolie's happiness. I would never take that away from them. I just wanted to hang out with two really good firends of mine becuase I enjoy seeing them. Me and Yolie have been friends since Middle school and I want the friendship to go away just because she;s gonna get married. Is it my fault that I'm too ugly and too stupid to get a guy to like me? I mean I know guys like me, but the only reason they like me is becuase they know me. They don't think I'm hot becuase of my face, or my body. They think I'm hot because supposedly I have a great personality. but if I have such a great personality, then why the hell do I only have firneds who pretend to love me? Why are people only freinds with me becuase htey feel sorry for me becuase I'm lonely.

Honestly that's all I've ever had. Freinds who felt sorry for me. I think maybe I've had one or two friends who didn't feel sorry for me. like Crystal didn't, and Mario. Yolie use to love me, but now that she's with Jeremy, i don't think she needs me anymore to even be her bff. I think now she only feels sorry for me so that's why she still puts up with me. I feel like I'm just some negative peice of trash that is stuck to her side and she can't remove it without surgury.

I know I'm unhappy, I know i'm lonely, and I know that I'm a loser and I'm ugly and white trash and all that s**t, but isn't there anyone out there for me? Anyone who would think that I'm beautiful? Anyone who wouldn't back out on me just becuase I got depressed? Why is it only happy people are the ones who get rewards. Why is it always teh rich that get delivered from darkness, but never the poor. I'm sorry, but the bible is a LIE. God only favors the rich. God only favors the wealthy. He doesn't give a s**t about pathetic little brats like me. Well....I htink one god cares...after all he made sure I ate on tuesday when I had no money, but that's the only one watching over me. Don't get me wrong, i am greatful...but...i'm still lonely. No one cares about me. No one would climb mountains for me. No one would bake a cake for me out of the mere thought of my birthday, or call me just to say hi. I think only one person out my entire group calls me just to talk.

No one considers me someone special in their life. I'm no ones confidante, or special friend, hero, or soul mate. I don't mean s**t to the world.

I know Sammy doesn't give a flying ********, and Chad doesn't care for me much cuz I won't go out with him. Even though he's a nice guy, i really don't want to risk breaking his heart. He's cute and all, it's just that I will make even more people pissed at me if it doesn't work out.

I don't know...maybe i'm jsut being emo.

But I just want to apologize to all my freinds for being a thorn in your side. and just being the annoying tagalong. i'll stay out of your way and just continue to be a lone. but thanks for at least being nice enough to let me come along. But know this...I'm not stupid. I know what you really think of me, and I don't appreciate the lies.