The First Redneck on the Internet
By: Cledus T. Judd
Lord have mercy I was in a mess
My wife run off with my tv set
Didn't bother me none she had to go
Cept I was gonna miss all my tv shows
So I looked up to heaven
Got down on my knees
And I cried "Dear lord, will you help me please?
I need a tv by tomorrow night,
Cause Rick Flair's involved in a title fight!"
Well I guess my tithing finally paid off
Cause early next mornin' shoulda seen what I saw
I reached in my overalls for my inhaler
They was a big brown box right in front of my trailer
I used my truck keys cut open the box
I was hopin for a Sony or a Magnavox
I looked at the name thought "Oh my gosh,
This must be a new 'un called McIntosh!"
My last TV was a whole lot wider,
But this 'un here come with its own typewriter
It had all the letters from A to Z
I guess you just typed in what you wanna see
I thought I punched WWF
But the tv screen said world wide web
I broke out in a cold cold sweat
I was the first redneck on the internet!
He was the first redneck on the internet
A bona fide
Countified
Cyberthreat
He went online
Jest one time
And now they'll never ferget
The first redneck on the internet
Well it was all so new guess I shoulda taken my time
But I slammed that mouse up in four wheel drive
Last time I did so much pointin' and clickin',
I had a 22 rifle, a-shootin' at chickens!
Then all of a sudden it occurred to me
The power I had with this fancy TV
I could get back at my ex wife
With the touch of a button, I could ruin her life!
I got the number off 'er master card
I bought a lift kit and four new tars
I had her power an' 'er water shut slap off
And I sent an email to her dad blame boss
Lettin' 'er know that she told me
She'd have his job by the end of the week
Chorus
Well the moral of the story as a matter of fact
In a coupla days I got my TV back
She said she'd like to come back as well
I told her to go straight to AOL
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