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It's hard to know where to start. It's a very unnerving thing, knowing you are pouring out your emotions for the world to see.

As for those, they are in turmoil at the moment. A large part of me has been torn away for the second time in my life. A second home, full of people I cared about and trusted, is gone forever. I can never go back to that time in my life, and everyone is trying to convince me I should be thrilled about it. I have reached what the world tells me is adulthood, and that I should accept it and move forward.

According to the "experts"(whoever they are), I have bypassed the most awkward and confusing stage in my life-adolescence-and come into a much smoother one. In some ways, I have, In other ways, now is that awkward stage. My conciousness is screaming at me. I wonder if my life is proceeding in a suitable fashion. I ache for my missing pieces. I'm plagued with worry, and sleep escapes me. I['m haunted, and I worry healling will never come.

How can healing come? Is there any way to make me complete and whole again? I don't see how, as long as I am barred from those I love. When my sister left, I never thought I could compensate for the emptiness it left in me. Somehow, our lives slowly untangled themself..ves from each other. I had to hide the part of myself taht relied on her, or else I would have become a pitiful, hollow shell. I was able to feign happiness. I even fooled myself.

After that, I found sanctuary in school. I made more friends. I discovered that Bradley was a friendly place, as long as I relaxed. After a time, I realized I was happy again, if not completely whole.

I found people I could talk to, who seemed to understand me. I trusted them more thatn I can say, and none of them ever betrayed taht trust. I grew to love them dearly, and they became another piece of me.

My senior year came. I was still happy, but deep inside I always had taht voice, counting down the days until I would be forced to leave forever. If the question had been asked to any other senior, they probably would have said the same thing. Graduation is an exciting and happy time in one's life.

Not so for me. The last week of high school was an agony. NO one truly understood mky pain. How could they? Hadn't I accomplished something truly wonderful? Shouldn't I be excited about a new beginning?

Having so many of the things I love torn away from me at once was one of the worst feelings I've ever had to endure. And it's one I'm still enduring now.

Now that I have begun college, the newest chapter in my new beginning, the color in my world has melted aaway. I drag myself out of bed with reluctance. I cringe when the thought, "Tomorrow is Monday" seeps into my brain. There is almost no one left in my life who truly understandsme. My entire soul is screaming for help, bu tI'm the only one who hears it. All I want is the happiness I had just five short months ago. But hte world denies it, so here I remain. Emotionally eviscerated, Empty and incomplete. Terrified aobut the future. I wonder now, how long I can keep my sanity at this rate. Probably not very long.