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I have this dream where I have breakfast, grab my lunch, and go to class. After class I go straight home and study. I read until late in the evening and then make dinner. Afterwards I sit at my computer and write. I snack on peanuts and juice so I don't bite my nails. When I'm done with my responses I just keep writing.

I don't care about money. I hate it. I want to be freed from it. I hate the idea of working for it. I don't believe I'm meant to have it and the pursuit of money brings me no happiness. I can't live with the idea that my life is associated with such a miniscule dollar value. I want to write. The truth is, I don't believe it's going to get better and I'm scared. I believe in God and I know He has a plan for me. But I'm failing at what I'm doing. I'm pretending that I'll be happy once we're married but whatill it really change? Class will be over and I can try to take a second job. Or quit my first job. tWe'll learn a few things and then it will be september and a whole year of the same struggle except there's no one to help us. Somehow in addittion to everything else we have to cook and clean and shop and wash and pay for every little thing. Rent will go up and we're struggling now. It's going to get worse.

I just want to be with you...Why is that so hard to do?