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I don't really know where to start.
I don't have any good friends. I have friends, but they're not good. actually most of them are fakes. One of my friends told on me with one of my most personal secrets, and yes, I feel betrayed. She was my best friend. well I think she "was".
I'm transfering schools, because I'm avoiding the people there. 3 to be exact. Or perhaps more. I'm just not happy there anymore. and I want to forget them. All of them. and start over. I feel as if they destryed half of my childhood. But I admit that it was me who was wrong. It was wrong of me to trust them. It was wrong of me to hurry. It was wrong of me to do all those other crap. I know that i'm young and ignorant. But, I want to forget that and start other. I just hope that our paths would never ever cross again.
I rather go somewhere else than stay and take in all their crap. I hate it. I hate them!!!!
Unfortunately, there's one of them whom I try my hardest to hate and forget, but doesn't work. I dont know why. I keep telling myself that I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. It doesn't work. that is why I am running away from all of this. I know it's very shallow and cowardly of me, but it would save me from a lot of pain. Who know? maybe when I transfer, I would be able to find a new set of friends. 3nodding
It won't be hard to adjust. but still, nothing could ever replace Kostka.
I just want to forget that "certain person". I hope I do. Cause right now, I always wake up in the middle of the night and find myself crying uncotrollably.
I can't explain why. I cant explain my feelings. Only God trully knows what would happen next. "There's always a reason for things to happen" people say.
So maybe God put them in my life for a reason. But that reason, I don't really know. I cant figure it out. I hope I do. Right now, I feel abandoned. Yeah sure, I have a very loving family. I love them. and I appreciate all the effort they put to make me happy. But there's something missing. I dont know what. maybe someday that space would be filled. I'm not sure what it is. and I dont want to take guesses.
Yesterday was our field trip. the last one i'll ever have with my kostkan family. I dont how to describe it. if it was hell or not bad at all. I think kind of both. anyways. it's sad. I dont know the truth. Because I dont trust anyone anymore. I have to stop trusting people. I know that I'm cofusing you guys, but I'm just righing what's on my mind. and it's very cofused at the moment. My mind is cofused and my heart is dead. i know that there aarte worse things that could happen. but this is a very emotional crisis for me. Something that teens go through. Right now, only God understands me.
bottomline: I'm ruuning away from my problems aka: those stupid cool kids. who bullies me emotionally. and 'him' .
ok. that a wrap. comments are welcome. and I dont mean the bad kind.