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Geez...
I'm not in the mood to post on forum or guild anymore, I'm not in the mood to play as long as I want all night on Ragnarok or any MMORPG like Trickster or Flyff anymore...
I'm not in the mood to talk w/ ppl in live or by msn anymore...
Feel like going inside of a shell...
these 2 lasts months I've been reading just mangas..... seen like I forgot most of things about math, physic and chemistry that I had a hard work to memorize... =.=

Looks like MAYBE... I'll pass in History course... MAYBE on 3th call....
While I don't have an idea I should look for some other courses for college tests again... (like Anglo or Etapa or COC) and try to get some disccount...

The person who I'm most mad at the moment is my mom....
She can't leave me alone for too long and start to yell w/ me or complain that I don't do any chores.... =.=
She complain about my studies too...
Then sometimes my dad come to complain too, about studys...
I know! I'm 23 years... Good for nothing doing absolute nothing of my life, w/out any plans and just... idk... =.=
I'm neither sure about what I'm trying to do (do a college of History that isn't something that I'm willing or try another year or course for colleges tests?! (Dad said to do the second, mom the first option)...)
The worst is I feel that I can't decide by myself...

Dad said that I should try to live outside house to grown up because I'm stuck in front of computer always... He thinks maybe the reason to me don't study in house is because I'm always fighting my mom...
I fear to go out... =.=
And don't feel doing that while don't need to go to some college in other city....

I know... my young sisters are already doing that.... because they already are studying on a college in others cities.

This feeling of wasting time make me want to study on Histry course... althrough the college is 3 hours from my home....
The feeling of wanting to run after something that suit me better make me want to try studying for college tests again...

I feel down and not sure about what I want anymore.... =__=
I stopped to go in psychiatrist (not sure if this is the right word)
maybe that's why I'm writing here w/ more frequency...
And adding the fact that almost anyone read, make me feels a bit more free to write..... even if I leave it public...

I wish I could be more hardworking... but I'm most like a runner away from problems...
Mom's said once "Iji wa nai"
and when I start to agree w/ every bad stuffs that she say I'm or I'm doing, she complains to me to stop to pity myself...
I don't feel like I have any right to say "I'm not" and don't feel any strong will to complain... even about piting myself...

Maybe I don't care... Maybe I care...
I wish I had the guts and will enough to change...