I feel lied to and betrayed.
My life totally sucks now..I don't care about it anymore. For the past few days i've cried and haven't figured out why. Eh..Why can' i be happy..i'm normally happy. my friends at school don't ever notice this..They only see the exterior wall i've put up over my emotions. All they see is a happy smiling face..Well that's over.
I've given up on many things cuz i don't want to make my friends sad or feel like they can't follow what they feel. Instead of telling them the truth i encourage them to still go. It hurts deep inside knowing how you truely feel and knowing that you won't ever actually get to try aswell. You just cut off your emotions. set them in the back of your head and hope to whoever can read your mind they can never come and resurface. yet they still do. Why? Because you had strong feelings before. Lifes a miserable game to peoples eyes. We see 'Game overs' Every single time you die. loose something or never achieve it. It's worthless. I like being known as the quiet individual in class. the talkative and seems high when i'm with my friends. But at home..i lock myself inside and pray to the reader of minds that i won't cry..never does..i end up on my bed sprawled out and whimper as i feel a huge lump in my throat ready to start crying. Then i feel the pain and guilt and betrayel and all the LIES! and let myself be captivated by these emotions ending by rocking back and forth atop my bed while silent tears scroll down my already pale and flushed cheeks. Life..it's demanding. Nothing to do. All your doing is being born. Growing up. Making offspring. And then dieing..you might not even make it past being born, or growing up. or making offspring..sometimes you wish you could just die...and hope no one ever remembers you.just drift off out of peoples minds. Be forgotten. It won't matter. They won't see you again..not even in the afterlife. Afterlife..There is no such thing. You just get put into the dirt of our mother nature who so kindly blows us up and gives us earthquakes nothing we can do about that. We are her fertilizer. that is why we are born. Too keep mother nature alive. She who everyone believes to be rich and powerful and kind. Who is a goddess is the foul thing that ends up killing us half the time. Cinders. Some die and become cinders. Later after you've been dropped to the ground. mother nature drifts your embers to the sky and soon that too disapears. Forgotten. Eh. who is anyone kidding we are all food and life force to her. We will all soon be dead. it won't matter what you accomplish. once your almost at the brink of death you won't be able to do anything more and then there is regret. Regret..such a foul word. only those wise who care as little can believe such a thing..
I have no regret in writing this..for this..is only one piece of fragment that i think about.
