Okay, so since there's really no spot for this beforehand, everything seems all lost and confusing right now in the abyss of my journal, I'm going to post them here. Okay, whew! It took me forever to fix this back into gaia format, but its okay, I didn't have much better stuff to be doing anyway. So...here's the first three chapters of my story and be warned that its only like my draft maybe 2/5 I have serious narcisistic qualities and I know that after I finish this story these may change immensely! Enjoy!
Intro
Looking into his milk chocolate brown eyes, I felt like crying. My heart throbbed as if it was slowly cracking, each tremor of my body adding more scars. I couldn't remember ever feeling this much pain, as if my soul was splitting in two. One half wanted to go with him, so I could never be separated from him, the other half cried because it had to stay with me. He had taken me in, at first sight, and I came to love him.
They say that you always feel this way after breaking up a relationship this strong, but how could that be true? The physical pain of my heart, the mental anguish of losing half of myself, how can anyone live through that? He was my other half most of what finally made me whole, how can a person live as a half after being whole?
I saw his beautiful lips move, as if he was trying to tell me something, wisps of white smoke coming from his mouth in the cold. I strained my ears, feeling a wetness beginning to grow at the corners of my eyes, but I couldn't hear his sweet husky voice. I panicked realizing I would never hear his voice again, my body trembling violently.
Why hadn't I seen this coming? Everyone had whispered it when they thought I couldn't hear, written it on all the bathroom stalls, 'They'll never last, its too perfect.' They all said. I never listened, knowing just how wrong they were whenever I stared into his knowing brown eyes and he into my own green ones.
I watched his cropped, unorganized black hair dance across his face, which had reddened slightly from the icy wind. I yearned to reach up and run my hands through it, to embrace his solid, warm form. His long brown jacket billowed around him, giving him a new mysterious look that I wasn't used to.
I shook my head slowly in disbelief. "No..." I muttered, my eyes clouding with tears, blurring my vision of him. Shrieking quietly, I furiously rubbed my eyes, not allowing those tears to block my view of him. I bit my lips staring at his; they were set in a hard knowing line, telling me I wouldn't see them again. I knew that he had already made his decision, and I didn't want to hear it.
I felt myself being torn to shreds and I began to whimper, tears now flowing down my face. I reached my wobbling hand feebly towards him, hoping for one last time to feel his comforting warmth. I saw him tentatively reaching his own hand towards my own slowly, and I felt my heart lift a little. Then, he seemed to realize what he was doing, and he whipped his hand back and stuffed it quickly into his jacket pocket.
My heart crashed from my chest and shattered onto the ground. Its thousand pieces flew around me spreading themselves out into the snow, never to be found again. I bit my lip, and there was a coppery taste in my mouth, to keep from screaming. Briefly I saw pain flicker across his face, and deep into his eyes. But, as soon as I saw it appear there, it was gone, disappearing to become stone. He turned angrily then, his back now facing me, and marched rapidly away from me.
I saw his back, and my lungs seemed to collapse, I couldn't breathe right, and my breath came in gasps. Puffs of my breath rose into the air, what was once warm freezing at once. I began my already lost battle, I stumbled and awkwardly ran, trying desperately to catch up to that back. If only I could just embrace him one last time, and feel his arms around me.
The fog that had been settling on the ground before blew onto the field, and I could no longer see him in the gloom. I tripped and collapsed onto my knees, my salty tears beginning to freeze on my face. Wobbling I fell onto my side and rolled over facedown into the snow. There, under the shelter of the cold fog, and the engulfing snow, I screamed, but no sound would escape my tortured lips. The sound bubbled up my throat, but would not pass the barrier of my lips. Now, warm tears rushed out of my eyes into the snow. I felt my body becoming numb, the feeling of never being warm again seeping down to my bones. But, even with the unbearable cold outside, it was warm compared to the barren iceland my heart had become, it was a blizzard there, and there would be no survivors.
Chapter 1
It hadn't always been that heart-breaking. The first day I met him changed my views on life forever...
I trudged wearily to the school on only my third day of my sophomore year in this new private school. My parents had just gotten new job offers in this distant state. Everything that I had always known growing up, the best spots for pizza and ice cream, where to shop on a day off from school, all of my always surrounding friends, all left behind, like the cobwebs in the basement. To say in the least, I was not happy to be here.
I pulled my already worn school map out of the front cover of my planner, where my schedule was still taped neatly over the school emblem on the first page. I unsuccessfully tried to unfold my map, ripping yet another long tear on the map. I groaned, I was going to need another map soon. This school was infuriating me; it was so big that it was a challenge for me to just find the parking lot. So far I hadn't made it to any of my classes on time (though I had been close), and I still hadn't managed to find my physics classroom. Between being unable to find the right building where the lockers were, and losing track of the buildings every morning, so far my 1st period teacher was beginning to not like me.
A few feet in front of me, I spotted a bench. I walked to it like a starving child walked to a big piece of chocolate cake, tripping on several invisible objects along the way. Arriving at the bench, I tossed my things onto it in a large heap, my jacket slipping off my backpack into a puddle on the ground. I scowled, but continued to open my map with two hands this time. Turning the map this way and that way several times, I finally got it facing the right direction. Looking back and forth between the map, and the spot that I stood at, I looked for the building on my map I had colored with a yellow highlighter, the building for all the lockers.
Most students didn't use this building, but I would rather try to get around this school without my map than carry all those lead-weighted books around all day. I finally discovered which path I needed to take to get to the building, so I carefully folded my map back up, succeeding to almost rip it in half. I leaned over to rescue my drenched jacket from its puddle, when I saw a sign bent and ripped at the corner sitting on the left side of the bench. The sign read 'Wet Paint.'
I wanted to scream, and what a great impression that would make in this new school, a crazy girl standing with white paint all over her backpack, screaming at the top of her lungs in front of the school (although I wasn't quite certain this was the front). So, I tugged my backpack off of the bench, and narrowly avoided dropping it into the same puddle with my jacket, and surveyed the damage. The entire bottom of my backpack, where it had lain on the paint was covered in sticky, gooey white goop.
Resigning myself to having a bad day, I viciously pulled my jacket from the puddle and wrung as much water out of it as I could. Then, I dragged my backpack along behind me through the mud and rocks up the path.
Violently scraping my shoes on the rug in front of the building to get the mud off, I managed to accumulate several giggles from some preppy girls leaning lazily near the doors. I shot them a death-glare, and they moved on, muttering angrily. I wasn't doing so great in the friends department here, based on my current association with people so far. I entered the building and wandered around corners, through hallways, and past other slowly walking students for almost ten minutes before finally locating my locker. I had arrived at the school early to give myself lots of time, and so there were only about fifteen kids wandering around the locker building.
I shoved my damp jacket onto the top shelf of my locker and ripped open my backpack. I pulled out my pencil case, notebook, planner with my map and schedule, and my history textbook, then pushed the paint covered, swollen backpack into my locker and slammed it shut.
I leaned against my locker with my eyes closed for a few seconds, taking deep breaths. I clutched my books tight to my chest, feeling waves of weariness wash over me already. I was lucky I had come to school 45 minutes early, because now I only had about seven and a half minutes to make it on time to my first period. I hear that there's a first time for everything so that must include me getting to class on time.
So, it was when I opened my eyes and pushed myself away from my locker that I ran into what felt like a brick wall. My pencil case flew out of my hands and clattered to the floor a few feet away, the top bursting off and pencils rolling everywhere. Perfect way for my life to get worse...walk into a wall... I thought sadly to myself.
I stood still, momentarily stunned for a few seconds before I realized that I had actually collided with a person instead of a wall. I blinked stupidly, looking into the dark blue embroidered vest in front of me. That vest told me two things, I had just run into a sophomore, someone who I could possibly have classes with, and even worse, this sophomore was a guy. Guys were more likely to get angry, and they were more likely to sneer.
Silently groaning with embarrassment, and praying that my face wasn't turning red, I mumbled, "Sorry," then, I hurried to collect all of my now scattered pencils from where they had fallen.
I felt something brush my side and I looked over startled. The guy that I had just run into was quickly and courteously scooping up all of my fallen pencils and my case. After he had recovered all of my pencils except for the ones I held tightly in my hands, he straightened and looked at me. "I'm really sorry I made you drop your pencils-," He frowned realizing that he didn't recognize my face or know who I was.
"Kari," I supplied for him. I studied his face first. He had eyes the exact color of milk chocolate, and black hair that looked cute and untidy. His skin was a light tan, as if he had been inside most of the summer. His loose uniform hid very well the assortment of muscles I was sure hid underneath the folds of the fabric. He was tall, standing at least six feet tall, with relaxed strong shoulders.
"Kari," he repeated interrupting my observations and causing me to pay attention to what he was now saying. "I'm not sure I've seen you before, you must be new here." He grinned, and the smile reached his eyes, causing them to dance, and I figured he understood the hard time I was having. He had a kind, husky voice, I had a brief thought that he would make a good bass singer.
I nodded confirming his assumption. "Yeah, my parents just moved me here when they were offered a new job," I replied sourly, sure that my face conveyed my feelings on the whole ordeal.
He chuckled and I felt my pulse quicken at the sound. "I can see you're not too happy about that. Are you finding your way around all right?" He asked, handing me my pencil case.
I accepted the case and made a face, somewhere between disgust for the big school and embarrassment for not knowing my way around. "Well, I've been to my choir class for the last ten and twenty minutes of class the first day of school and yesterday. But...my Physics class still evades me; I've yet to find it."
He smiled, "Yeah, those Physics classes are very hard to find," he looked thoughtful for a moment, and then said slowly, "Wait...choir...? What period do you have it?"
"Uh...first?" I replied carefully unsure where this was going.
His eyes lighted in sudden recognition. "Yeah! You're the one who's been late to all your classes. Let me see your schedule," he commanded, holding out his hand for it.
Well...what harm could it do? I thought opening my planner to the front page and handing it to him. A thought struck me, How does he know I've been late to all of my classes?
He accepted the planner and began studying my schedule, lightly running his finger down the class names. Three times I heard him mumble three different classes, Choir, Physics and Algebra. I wondered what that meant, but I didn't ask. He looked up from my schedule and handed me back my planner. "Do you want me to help you find the choir classroom since that's where I'm headed?" He offered me smiling.
I stood still, blinking uncomprehending for a while, before I understood what he meant. It's not that the words were difficult, I wasn't that stupid, but I hadn't expected the offer. Still, I couldn't pass up this chance to walk with this nice, gorgeous guy to my class. And, as another bonus, I didn't have to worry about getting lost if he walked with me. So, without hesitation, and perhaps a little desperately I answered, "Sure that would be a great help!"
He smiled, showing off straight, average white teeth. I was amazed, he wasn't the movie star guy I expected without the normal perfect pearly whites, but that made him seem more real in my eyes. The trip to choir was over too quickly, and I actually managed to make it to class on time (with expert help of course). Several students laughed when I showed up before the bell, and the teacher looked surprised.
I gritted my teeth; they weren't making me feel any better about finding my way around this school. I was disappointed when we walked into the choir room, as he walked over to a large group of boys as soon as we were in the door. So, I scanned the rest of the faces in the room, and I finally just decided to take a seat in the back right corner of the room, the furthest seat away from the teacher, unsure if we had a seating chart.
Finally, 55 minutes later choir was over and I felt pretty confident about how to get to my next class in the Social Studies building. I managed to barely arrive on time, the bell ringing as soon as I ran into the room.
After my history class, was language arts, and after that physics. As I slowly trudged back to the locker building, dreading the next 55 minute period of searching, I noticed that it was beginning to get chilly outside. Perfect, and my jacket is soaked... I thought sourly. I walked into the building and had to search for a few minutes to find my locker, and then angrily kick my locker after trying three times to open it. The fourth time was the charm, and my locker opened. I traded my history and literature books for my physics and Spanish text books. While I was at my locker, I surveyed my appearance gingerly in my tiny locker mirror.
Surprisingly, this morning my chest-length brown hair was being decent, not frizzing, and sticking out at every angle like it had been the past two days. My green eyes blazed back at me, and I bit my lip, I had never liked my eyes, they always made me feel self-conscious. People seemed to be fascinated by my eyes, and it unnerved me to hear people talking about them. I was glad that my small locker mirror showed only my face, because I hated my uniform, a white blouse that always seemed to make my arms look blotchy, and a knee length skirt that showed off my pale, too-white legs.
I closed my locker softly; feeling defeated already and turned around. I jumped, and almost shrieked a little when I saw him standing behind me. How long has he been there...? I thought dreadfully, It's not nice to spy... I realized with regret, that I still had no clue what his name was. So, I greeted him meekly, "Oh! Hello again...uh..."
His eyes widened as he realized too, that he hadn't yet told me his name. "That's right, sorry, I'm Gabe."
Gabe... I liked the way that name sounded in my mind. "Gabe, it’s nice to see you again," I greeted him with a nod, trying hard to act casual. His mere presence seemed to be setting my nerves on the fritz and my heart on a roller coaster ride.
"I remember you said that you couldn't find the Physics classroom. It just so happens that I've got the same Physics class as you," He explained calmly, his unsaid offer hanging in the air.
My heart skipped a beat. He was being so nice, showing me where all of my classes that I was having issues finding were. I smiled, "Would you really show me where it is? That would help me so much." I said, gratitude warming my voice.
"Sure, let's go or we'll be late," He said turning and leading me out of the locker building. I tried to make small talk with him as we walked, but I wasn't sure what people out here found interesting. He filled in most of the gaps in the conversation, telling me about various teachers’ histories.
We arrived at the Physics classroom a minute before the bell rang. I was amazed at how easy it was to find the room when I was with someone who knew where they were going. I introduced myself to the teacher, and explained briefly why I hadn't been in class the last two days. The teacher grunted and pointed to my seat.
Sadly, the same as in choir, once Gabe and I walked into the classroom, he strolled away to his friend, without as much as a glance in my direction. My heart sank and I moved of sadly to my own seat far away from his.
After Physics, I made my way to Spanish, which was thankfully very close to the science building, and in turn also the locker building. I arrived at my Spanish class early, and spent an uneventful class listening to the teacher talk about conjugations all class.
Spanish passed and I felt my feet dragging as I walked to my locker. I deposited my old books and selected my thick algebra book and calculator from my locker. I groaned; math was so boring here; at least at my old school they had tried to make it interesting. I knew how to get to the class, so it wouldn't be too hard to get there, and another plus, it was my last class for the day. I had seventh off, so after that I'd be able to leave this tortuous place and make the unfamiliar journey to my new house.
Shutting my locker quietly I walked briskly to my math class so I wouldn't be late. I arrived on the bell, narrowly avoiding being late, and I realized that I had just gone through a day without being late. I felt proud of myself, but I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to repeat the act.
As I slid into the only empty seat left in the front row, I cringed. It was never good to sit in the front in math, the teacher seemed to pick up when you were lost and they asked you a question. Luckily for me though, the teacher assigned a seating chart, and I got a seat in the second to last row. Even luckier though, Gabe (who I had been surprised to see was also in my math class), sat right in front of me.
I giddily took the seat behind him, and realized sadly that I had come to really like Gabe, even though I had just met him. The thought sobered me for long enough to hear what Gabe muttered when he leaned over to his partner.
"I told you that she would make it to every class on time today, even physics, so pay up."
His partner grumbled, shuffling around in his jacket pocket, when he removed his hand from his pocket, it was clenched around a crumpled twenty-dollar bill. Seeing Gabe accept the money smiling surprised me, but even more was the fact that he had won the money in a bet.
Throughout the period, he was poking, leaning over to, and passing notes to various males in the classroom. Each person returned some amount of money no bigger than thirty, but no smaller than fifteen. I was sure that I had watched him collect at least $100, but some bills weren't as easy to see as others. This amazed me so much, that I couldn't make myself focus on the lesson. I looked around at the faces of all the guys in the classroom, and saw how much they varied from the smug look on Gabe's face. The guys looked angry, disappointed and depressed; I wondered what the big gamble had been.
Chapter 2
Math ended, and my head was still not focused, I hadn't taken any notes, and I had three pages of homework. I had an assumption, based on the fact that Gabe was talking about a girl, and arriving on time, that it was most likely me, but that brought up several questions, and I didn't like to make questions based on assumptions.
In my thoughtful haze I walked back to my locker. After carefully opening my locker, I checked to see if my jacket was dry enough to use. The paint was dry and coming off in flakes, but other than that, I'd be able to use it to carry my books home.
Grabbing the books I knew I'd need, I shoved them into my backpack, with my pencil case and notebook. I set my backpack on the floor in front of my locker and reached up for my jacket. My hands immediately felt wet fabric, so I angrily thrust it back onto the shelf. Swinging my backpack onto my back, I closed my locker.
"Hey," I heard Gabe's smooth voice greeting me as he leaned casually on the locker next to mine.
I shrieked in several different pitches then. I was screaming from being startled, and trying to not make a sound when I saw who it was. My scream came out garbled and muffled, making me sound like a dying cat.
When I finally had myself under control again, I was sure that it had taken me too long. Gabe's face was set in concentration and his face was starting to redden. My own face felt hot and I clenched my hands nervously around my backpack straps. Fidgeting, I decided that the best course of action for me would be to just let him laugh at me now.
Sighing, I meekly said in as strong and calm a tone as I could muster, "Its okay...you can laugh..."
That was all the permission he needed. His face broke into a wide smile, and his eyes sparkled with humor. He laughed only a little though, and I was sure that he was holding in his laughter, being kind to my already damaged pride.
I mustered up a small, shy smile and greeted him. "Why hello there Gabe, what made you come by to scare me to death?"
He chuckled lightly, his teeth flashing, "Well, I just wanted to thank you for helping me to make a lot of money today. I feel that I should probably give you some small percentage of my profits, but I'd rather offer friendship, you seem a little lonely."
My eyes widened and I had no clue what he was talking about, offering friendship? Was he being serious, or was he just messing with me? "Friends?" I asked tentatively, unsure.
He grinned, "Sure, friends, I've noticed that you haven't found any yet."
I bit the corner of my lip, considering everything. On one hand, he had just admitted to me that he had used me for his bets, but on the other hand he was gorgeous, and I wanted to be friends with him. I hadn't had too much experience here, I wasn't used to guy's humor and from what I already knew he was quite the trickster. But, really, what did I have to lose? If he was doing this to make fun of me, what was I losing? All I saw was gain, he would be at least pretending to be my friend, and what was the harm in that?
My mind set, I smiled, extending my hand for a handshake, "Sure, friends then."
His eyes lighted, as if he had a sudden idea, and he grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers between mine. He then commenced to pulling me along beside him, while I stumbled along. I blinked confused, my heart fluttering at the warmth of his hand, "Uh...where're we going?"
I couldn't wrap my brain around the events of the last few minutes, suddenly I had a new friend here (my only friend I might add), and even better, he was holding my hand. My pulse quickened, my heart thudding in my ears.
Without turning to look at me he replied, "We, are going to go make a bet."
"What? What are you talking about?" I asked warily; I had never liked gambles. "Make a bet on what?"
"You'll see, I'm sure that you'll like the idea too," he said calmly, quickly dismissing my questions.
"But-," I began, protesting.
He stopped and turned facing me. He put his index finger on my lips and shook his head. My head was swimming, overwhelmed by him. "Just go with it for now, trust me okay?"
I slowly nodded my head, swallowing hard. I didn't trust my voice not to crack if I answered aloud.
He gave me a small, sly smile, and began towing me along again. I had a sudden thought, "Wait, don't you have class now?"
He shook his head, "Nope, I've got seventh off too."
"Okay..." I trailed off, unsure what to say or think now.
He pulled me along for several minutes in silence. I was pretty sure that he was thinking about something, and I didn't want to interrupt his thoughts. I had no clue where we were going (and this time it was both because I didn't know the school, and because I had no clue where bets were made) and he didn't seem too inclined to tell me.
A short while later he pulled me into a large cream and tan brick building that was at least two stories tall. There was no sign on the building, but the door was unlocked so I assumed that it was okay for us to be there. When we passed through the thick, mahogany double doors, the lights were dim. I looked around the vast entrance room, and I saw just a few tan sofas and comfortable looking chairs, and a small wooden desk in the corner with colored papers strewn all over is, and on the floor around it.
I noticed that we had stopped, and he was allowing me to look around. I opened my mouth to ask what was going to happen next, when I heard voices talking loudly from a room nearby.
"Well I don't care how long he's been betting with us, we all lost a ton of money to him today!"
I gave Gabe a look that said, what did you do?
He grinned and replied, "Like I said, you won me a lot of money today, and they're not happy about that."
The voices continued:
"What are we going to do about it though? It really seemed like she was never going to lose that late streak, I mean she never even found the physics room!" One shouted.
"We should have won that money, but there isn't anything we can do about it now. But...there is a way to win that money back...."
"It looks like they came up with the same idea as me..." Gabe trailed off, a smug look on his face.
What is he talking about? I thought, dread and worry settling deep in my stomach, I've got a bad feeling that since I'm here, I'm going to be a part of this bet....
But somehow, even though I was sure that this was bad news, I couldn't pull my hand from his and run away, I wanted to stay by his side for as long as I could, even if it was just as friends.
My stomach was churning, nervous butterflies fluttering around inside of me. It had been several minutes since Gabe had released my hand, and walked away down one of the dark corridors. He had instructed me to "stay put" so I was wandering around the entrance room, sulking, trying to keep myself entertained. I had no clue what use I had here, and I was still trying to figure out why I had let myself get dragged into this mess.
I sighed knowing the answer was that I couldn't make my brain work right whenever Gabe was around. I had no clue why he had such a sudden effect on me, and he didn't even seem to think that he was doing anything out of the ordinary, so I knew that I was really just a friend to him, even if I wanted more. I sat down guiltily, remembering what I had always told myself:
Don't love based on looks, it's never a good idea. Looks are only on the surface, how can you get deeper when there's nothing there?
I had told myself that every time that one of the idiotic, football players had asked me out. They thought way too much of themselves, which is probably most of the reason that they were always asking me out. But somehow, this rule didn't seem to have any effect on my feelings for Gabe, or my view of him.
I had heard from one of my friends a little before the first guy at my old school asked me out, that he was on a dare to ask me out. From what I heard afterwards, all bets were that I was going to say yes. So, when I clearly stated- in front of the large crowd he'd assembled to congratulate him- that no I wouldn't go out with him, everyone was whooping and hollering. I still wasn't sure what they were rooting for, me saying yes, or no.
After that, it had been an avalanche of guys, doing their best to try and impress me, flirting with me all the time, only so that they could flaunt to all the other guys that they had "won my heart." I hadn't said yes to any of them, knowing clearly that it wouldn't be a real relationship, and not caring to pretend. It had made me sick that guys were just using me as a doll, I felt I was so much more than that. Thus, I remained boyfriend less for my entire freshmen year, and I couldn't have been happier. In fact, looking back at it now, I wondered with a small amount of pity what they were going to do now, without me there.
My friends and I all found the guys to be the saddest creatures we had ever known, going to impress for fame, and not love. A few of my old friends had been romanticists, telling me that if I even considered going out with one of those guys, that I had to be sure that he would take me to a fancy, romantic dinner alone. I had laughed at them then, telling them that no guy was ever going to take me somewhere romantic.
But, now I felt myself wanting to go out and eat with Gabe, to get to know him better, so my conscience would let me accept the fact that I liked him. I suddenly realized with a pang, that so far, all my high school life had been centered around people betting on me. They had even bet that I would win homecoming queen (which I had, but I didn't go to accept the crown, or ride on the float), and that had really bugged me. This thought didn't do much to cheer me up in the dark gloom, and I decided that I didn't want to be bet on like a race horse anymore, I wanted to be appreciated by a guy as a person, not a bet winner. I was sitting so concentrated, trying to decide what I was going to tell Gabe about me participating in any bets, that I didn't hear someone coming up behind me.
"Boo!" The two guys were dressed in white sheets, apparently trying to be scary ghosts. Red paint of some kind was splattered in random places all over the sheet, and there were two small holes for what I assumed were their eyes. I was so focused on my thoughts that I didn't even flinch at the sudden sound and grabbing of my shoulders from the other guys behind me.
I blinked, uninterested at the ghost in front of me, and realized that they wanted to scare me. "Oh..." I mumbled slowly, understanding. "Um...ahh?" I said questioningly, raising an eyebrow as I turned to stare at the guy who had grabbed my shoulders.
The guy behind me was staring at me in disbelief, and slowly an angry expression began taking over his features. The ghost ripped off the sheet, and began mumbling an angry stream of cuss words to the other guy as he furiously stomped from the room. The guy behind me was quick to follow, but he was yelling, "Gabe! We need to have a long chat with you!"
They left me sitting on the couch, my back straight, slowly staring confused around the room. I blinked several times, trying to decipher the events that just occurred. My mind was working very slowly these days, and so it took me several long minutes to realize that they had just made me part of another large bet, and I had just won Gabe more money. Anger flowed slowly through me and I took several deep breaths to calm myself.
This left me to slumping on the couch, my elbows firmly planted onto my knees, and my head cradled lazily in my hands. Should I be furious right now? I thought briefly, I mean, it seems they're just using me for a bunch of bets...but why do I strangely also feel a small sense of...glee?
The butterflies in my stomach were now gliding around happily, no longer nervous. I began to think that I was happy that Gabe knew I was useful, and even a small part of that stopped the flight mid-flight. I didn't like to think of myself as a person who could be used, even if that's what often happened.
Several more minutes passed, and I wondered what would happen first, Gabe coming back, kicked out of betting, or the guys trying their luck against Gabe's again. It seemed more likely to me that the guys would press their luck, and that I, inevitably would be part of the gamble. I wanted to know what they had planned for me next, but I assumed from the way my luck was, that it would be worse than a simple "Boo!" and a scare.
My knees were beginning to protest my bony elbows and the weight of my head, so I decided to get up and move around a little. Swaying a little as I stood, I blinked slowly, clearing the darkness that invaded my vision briefly from standing too fast. After the black cloud was replaced by surroundings once more, I moved slowly and hesitatingly over to the wooden desk covered with papers.
I shuffled the papers around on the desk, seeing that most of them were just blank colored paper disappointed me. There were a few papers with writing, but they looked like receipts from old bets that had been placed. It became clear to me that this school had a lot more to it than I had first thought, if they've got a building where they gamble on everything, whether the teachers are aware of this or not, I've got to wonder what else they have here...
I turned around, looking for something else to do, and I realized that the second bet had just begun.
Chapter 3
My eyes narrowed as I surveyed the three guys that stood in front of me. The three of them wore fancy, expensive black suits complete with fancy white ties. They had gangster black top hats on, and dark sunglasses covering their eyes. Two of them had red roses sticking out of their breast pockets and the other guy had a white rose protruding from his pocket.
I had a bad feeling about this bet, and I didn't want to be a part of it. The guys slowly began to close in on me, walking further apart from each other to encircle me and press me against the wall. When I realized what they were trying to do, I began trying to conceive a way out, to get away from these gambling obsessed boys. I knew, that also meant running away from Gabe, but I didn't care, he wasn't worth getting used for more bets.
All I had wanted today was to get through the school day, so that I could go back to the home I didn't really want to go to, and I had ended up here instead. And, as much as I didn't want to go home, I certainly didn't want to stay here. It irked me that I had gotten myself dragged here by a guy, one that I was irritably coming to like because of his looks, and that I was coming to hate because of his actions. How could someone that nice and good looking turn out to be a greedy, gambling guy? The thought of that being true made me not want to get involved, and I knew that all I really wanted now was to get away from this building.
So, when I saw an opening space large enough between the guys, I lurched through it, sprinted over, collected all my things and sped out the doors that I had entered through. I didn't even wait around long enough to see their reactions or learn what the bet had been. The only reason that I had stayed as long as I had was because I had been expecting Gabe to come back, and as soon as that possibility disappeared there was no reason for me to remain there being bet on. I sighed, no longer knowing whether I wanted to see him or not after today. What was I going to say? He had really left me in an awkward position, and I didn't do so well in those.
I walked around in circles for almost twenty minutes before I grudgingly came to the conclusion that I had no idea where I was and no clue where I was going. As if this school wasn't already worse enough, now I couldn't even leave it! Looking around, I noticed that I had ended up back in front of the gambling building that Gabe had brought me to. I had a fleeting thought to go in and ask him how to get back to the parking lot from here, but I decided against it, as he might turn it into a bet.
So instead, I walked around to the side of the building and dumped all my things into the rocky alley. I rolled my shoulders and neck, relieving them of the pressure from carrying my heavy backpack around. Taking deep breaths I felt my eyelids drooping, and I began to regret my current lack of sleep.
Lately, I hadn't been able to get to sleep in my new house, everything was so different and unfamiliar, I couldn't stop myself from feeling like I didn't belong. I tossed and turned for hours until finally drifting off into a fitful sleep. It had been easier over the two weeks of summer that this had occurred for, because I could sleep all day if I wanted to, but now I had to get up early and go to school. Even three days of little sleep was wearing out my stamina. I let my eyes close and I leaned against the wall of the building, slowly, unconsciously sliding down into a sitting position with my knees against my chest. I felt my head fall down to rest on my knees and I listened to the soft, simple rhythm of my breathing. I moved my arms around my knees and clasped them together, hugging my legs. I felt my mind numbing and my body relaxing, everything was calm.
***
I yawned, and balling my hands into small, lazy fists, I stretched my arms over my head. I left my eyes closed, still enjoying the calm relaxation of my sleep, I sighed happily, setting my arms over my knees and my head on my crossed arms.
"You look cute when you sleep." Gabe's voice penetrated my calm.
My eyes snapped open, and I looked over to see Gabe's slumped form against the wall on the ground, one long leg extended in front of him. "What?" I asked in a choked, embarrassed voice, feeling heat rise on my face.
"I said you look cute when you sleep, so calm and relaxed. I've never seen you looking that peaceful." He replied seriously. A light flickered on from a lantern casting its bright light into the alley. I looked up into Gabe's face to see him carefully observing me with his brown eyes. He was watching me very closely, as if trying to remember my face. "Are you warm enough?" He asked casually; I assumed he was trying to start a conversation.
I blinked and looked up at the night sky; it was now dark with twinkling stars. Astonished, I realized that I had fallen asleep for several hours! I realized that I felt warm, even though it was a cold night, and I had left my wet jacket in my locker. I reached back behind me and found a thick brown cotton jacket covering my shoulders and back. I turned back to Gabe and replied, "Yes actually I am, thanks. Might I ask how long you've been there?"
He grinned now, "Only a few hours, I came out here about an hour after you left - about ten minutes after all the other guys left - and I found you out here. You were sleeping, so I came to make sure you didn't get mugged or something. Don't worry," his grin widened, "I made no bets about when you would wake up."
I stared at him. He was being so nice to me now, totally seeming to have forgotten about everything he had done to me today. Yet now, seeing that he would come to protect me from getting mugged while I slept, I couldn't make myself feel angry anymore, even after the joke he made at me. My heart sped up, thumping loudly in my ears. "Well...w-why didn't you wake me up then? It would've saved you a-a lot of time."
His smile and eyes softened and he answered seriously, his eyes piercing mine, "Because you looked so peaceful, it would've been terrible to disturb that sleep."
"Well..." I blushed, "...uh, I...thank you?" I said disjointedly, not sure at all what my response should have been. I also had no clue whether I was thanking him for saying I looked peaceful, or for not waking me up.
"You're welcome then," he said as a rush of wind blew through the alley, causing the lantern's light to flicker.
I pulled the jacket tighter around my shoulders, happy for the warmth. A thought occurred to me, "Um, well I'm glad you're here, because I can't find my way to the parking lot..." I trailed off.
"Is that the only reason that you're here sleeping?" he asked, a sly smile on his lips. "I wouldn't have bet on that; I would've said you were waiting for me," he teased.
I felt my blush deepen and instead of drawing attention to that, I stuck my tongue out at him, closing my eyes. The next thing I knew when I opened my eyes again, he was right next to me, sitting so close that I could've touched him by moving my arms off of my shoulders. My eyes widened and my mouth hung slightly open, my tongue already retreated back into my mouth. I watched him carefully for any movement, my heart racing even faster.
"I'm sorry if my betting on you upset you. I won't do it anymore if it's making you angry." He was dead serious, staring into my eyes, his face inches from mine, so I felt his warm breath on my face.
I hadn't thought my heart could ever beat this fast; it felt like it was going to leap out from my chest. I was just beginning to feel woozy from lack of oxygen when Gabe pulled back, pushing himself off the ground. He offered me his hand and I stared at it confused.
He chuckled lightly, "To the parking lot."
"Oh..." I trailed off, my mind still not caught up from his last action. I grasped his hand and he effortlessly pulled me up. His jacket slipped from around my shoulders onto the ground. I turned to retrieve it and my backpack from the ground so I could hide my flushed face from his observing eyes. I was bout to swing my backpack over my shoulders when Gabe grabbed it gently from my hands and easily slipped one of the straps over his left shoulder. Then, he picked up his jacket and set it over my shoulders.
I felt a sharp pain in my lungs, and I was shocked to discover that I had once again stopped breathing. I took a fast, ragged breath, and then another deep breath filling my lungs again with oxygen. My vision clouded over briefly from my lack of air and I wobbled unsteadily on my feet. I blinked several time to clear my vision. Once my vision returned I saw that Gabe was keeping a somewhat safe distance from me, close enough so that if I fell or something he could catch me, but much further away from me than he had just been seconds ago.
My heart slowed a little, no longer threatening to leap from my chest, now only thumping like a runner’s feet on the ground during a sprint. Gabe began leading me out of the alley into the darkness of the buildings. I looked back into the alley and saw that Gabe had left the lantern glowing in the alley. “Shouldn’t you, uh, bring that lantern with us?” I asked turning back to look at Gabe.
He looked back at me, a confused expression on his face. “What lantern?” He asked as he looked over my shoulder into the alley.
I turned back around to look in the alley once more and all I saw was darkness, there was no longer anything there that I could see. “But…there was a….a lantern there…” I said, my voice dropping off to a whisper. Was I just imagining things now? I didn’t think I could just imagine light, but there wasn’t anything there now.
I must have been standing there thinking for a long time, because Gabe called out to me from quite far away, “Come on! If you ever want to get home you have to start by walking to the parking lot over here!”
Shaking my head and looking back into the alley one more time and seeing nothing, I rushed to catch up with him. Now that we were walking and we had no light, it was a dark journey; I really didn’t want to trip and embarrass myself so I made sure to stick close by Gabe’s side.
I looked up at the twinkling stars, they seemed especially bright, and they helped to calm my rapid heartbeat. I felt my heartbeat slowing even more, almost returning to a normal rate. After what had just happened I felt like the stars, so far away and distant from the rest of the people at school. I hadn’t been able to find any friends in the three days that I had been here, yet I had been able to stumble upon love at first sight, with this guy who already made my heart pound.
Gabe was a strange, fascinating guy to me. Never before had I ever felt this fluttery feeling in my stomach, this happiness from just looking at Gabe. I had just met him this morning and in the short time that I had known him, I had come to hate and like him as if I’d known him for years. So…was the problem with me…or him? Was he the one pushing me to like and hate him? Or was everything that was happening, my feelings of love and hate all in my head?
We arrived at the parking lot and Gabe now looked down at me, his unasked question apparent in his eyes. He didn’t know what my car looked like or where I was parked. I bit the edge of my bottom lip, I didn’t really want him to see my car, it would seem weird to him that I drove a raggedy, broken-down vehicle, and still attended an expensive private school like this one. So, even as my head protested the thought of leaving him I said, “Thanks for getting me to the parking lot, I should get home now.” I lifted his jacket from my shoulders and hesitantly handed it to him.
He stared at me curiously, thoughts swirling deep inside his head, but he accepted his jacket and returned my backpack. “So no walking you to your car then?” He asked, one eyebrow raised.
I shook my head quickly, my teeth pressing down even harder on my lower lip. Gabe’s eyes traveled up to stare at the stars and there was a moment of silence before his eyes returned to me again. “Alright then,” he nodded a farewell and turned walking away, where I assumed his own car was parked. I watched his retreating form until I couldn’t see it any longer before I turned and trudged over to my rusty blue mini-van that had once belonged to my parents.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, at your locker,” Gabe’s voice echoed in the quiet, and I wondered where he was as he said this.
“I’ll meet you there,” I mumbled quietly, sure that he wouldn’t hear me, but answering anyway. Shuffling around in my backpack’s front pouch for my keys, I pulled out the clinking key chain and unlocked the driver’s door. After carelessly throwing my backpack over into the passenger seat I closed my door and began the unfamiliar drive home.
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I think, therefore I'm dangerous.
I lost over 400k in the marketplace! Fix the problem gaia!
Since Dec. 29, 2007
I lost over 400k in the marketplace! Fix the problem gaia!
Since Dec. 29, 2007
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