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non decorum est...
...sine amicis habitare.
it is not right to live without friends
[I’m going to be including a lot of people from school in this entry. Names are all changed.]
So today must’ve been “Confess Your Love and Get Totally Bummed Out Day”. And I thought that was Valentine’s Day. I asked Friday out; she smiled and agreed to be with me. I swear to God, that girl is so beautiful. So I didn’t get totally bummed out- at least, not by that.
So this is how it happened. I was feeling sick all morning- the butterflies were a bit more epileptic than usual today. My friend Alex, the one who’s moving to Georgia, had been acting weird around me. She said she accepted that I am this way, so I was sort of upset. She confessed to me that she liked Friday too, but she’d back off.
Still, there was something wrong with that. I didn’t believe it.
I walk into Gina, a girl I’ve been friendly with for a while, in the hallway and she says, “Hey, has Friday talked to you yet? ‘Cause she will. In Latin.”
I didn’t think anything of it at all. I just kinda smiled (Gina and Friday are pretty good friends, so I believed it) and kept walking.
So I go around school like usual until Latin, where I nearly hurl from nerves at seeing Friday. I get through the class and as we’re walking out, I’m preparing to say something, but all that comes out is “hi” and she smiles a little and leaves.
I was walking down the hallway (feeling more sick than before) and who should I run into but Alex. She notices how freaked out I look and says, “What’s up?”
I go, “I’m such a freakin idiot. I had the perfect chance to talk to her and I blew it.”
She heaves this long sigh and starts walking a little slower and says, “Well, I’ve had a huge crush on someone for two years now and I still don’t know how to say it.”
I went to ask her what she meant but she practically ran away from me. So I figured it out. I’m a sex god(dess). All my friends fantasize about me.
Anyway, I go to my next class, sulk and b***h and moan in a corner, and go to band. I walk next to Friday the whole time, fumbling for words, and finally just saying, “I don’t feel well.”
She makes the cutest, most concerned face I’ve ever seen and goes, “Aw, feel better, okay?”
I just kinda nod and we were quiet for a while. Finally, I go, “Friday?”
”Yeah?”
”Ummmm….” and continue on with my previous fumbling.
She’s clearly waiting for something, but not trying to help me out (curse you, dear). And seeing the door to the stage, I just go, “You know what? Never mind.” And I ******** run away.
So I cried during band like a freaking baby because I was so worried that I’d either lose my chance or get found out by my father and I messed up my part so bad that I just stopped playing after a while. I come out and go to lunch, and I find Alex and Friday conversing at my table.
I hear Alex saying, “…and I never know what to say to her.”
Friday’s just nodding carefully, and when I walk over, both of them look up. Alex practically falls on the floor.
“Oh, did you hear anything? Please say you didn’t.”
I just look at her, shake my head and sit down. I ask, “Friday, what was she telling you?”
Friday frowns at me. “It’s too personal- she has to tell you herself.”
I kinda brushed it off for a second and I said “Friday… the reason I flipped earlier was because my dad’s a homophobe and I’m afraid of what he’d do if he found out that I’m asking you out. So… would you go out with me?”
She said yes, smiling. “I was going to ask you.”
I just laughed and looked at Alex. She looked pretty hurt. I asked, “What were you going to say?”
She says whatever “I love you” is in Spanish, and the only reason I knew what she was saying was because I saw something like it on a McDonald’s soda cup. Yay, fast food.
So I said to her, “Look, Alex, I think I liked you last year. I think you’re the reason I know I’m into girls. Dude, this whole situation just sucks.”
She sighed- she sounded so tired- and said, “Don’t worry about it.”
I feel like crap now. I didn’t know she liked me. I just… asked out Friday right in front of her.
It was sort of cute though. My straight friend, Kim, was sitting across the table and goes, “Wait, what? Have you guys been keeping something from me?”
And I just say, “Yeah, you should go check out my earth science teach. He’s hott- that’s with two T’s.”
Friday starts laughing, and Kim just stares in disbelief. “You serious?!”
”Totally.”
”Holy s**t!!”
So after that, I go to my algebra class and run into Sam, my friend- one of the twins (who I believe is gay but he won’t admit it)- who goes, “I knew it.”
I stare. “What…? Did Alex tell you something?”
”She told me everything! You and Friday… awww.” He starts clapping and grinning ear- to- ear. “I totally am not against this.” He’s a little brat who refuses to say he’s happy for me or likes me in any way.
So after that class, I just sit around my study period and when that ends, I go to my locker. I run into Cliff.
Cliff is my dearest friend. He’s so sweet. I look at him, lick my lips and go, “Hey, Cliff, I need to tell you something.”
”Go ahead.”
”You know Friday?”
”…yeah.”
”I sort of asked her out at lunch.”
Some kid somewhere near us glares at me in disgust, and for a second I saw disgust in Cliff’s look too. All I can do is swallow- hard.
The flicker of hatred is gone by now. “I didn’t know you swung that way.”
”Well… I guess I do.”
“Doesn’t bother me.” He starts walking away.
“Wait- Cliff! I thought it didn’t bother you…”
”It doesn’t. I’m just gonna get my stuff from my locker.”
We usually leave together- me, him and Alex- but he’s gone faster than I can turn around.
I’m still really upset. Plus, I can’t drive, so Friday and I can’t really go anywhere together without my father knowing. This whole day pretty much sucked. What do I do? I think I lost my best friend… I feel so terrible now.
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