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So this is what it is.
I realized something about myself this past week. I also (sort of) told my mother yesterday.
We were sitting in the car, having a conversation about homosexuality and gay rights and such (during which she called me a f** hag) and we were quiet for a little while and I say, “I dunno… I’m just attracted to good looking people. I like looking at cute people.”
So she kinda eyes me and says, “If you ever end up with another girl you could tell me… but I would never tell your father, and I’d advise you not to, either.”
See, here’s the situation. I am a bisexual Wiccan in a family of strict Christians, except for my mom. Anyway, you can imagine how awkward Thanksgiving dinner was, ‘cause I don’t like to keep things from my family and I was sitting there thinking about how I could tell my father and grandmother, the strictest Christians at the table. I was thinking of going, “Grandma, Daddy, I like boobies and burning incense!” but I then realized that my father would have me in a Catholic school without a second thought and my grandmother would have a heart attack, so I just kind of kept quiet.
And then there’s this other issue- the girl who made me realize that I do, in fact, like boobies. She’s cute, smart, wonderful, and has amazing taste in music. I have a huge crush on her, apparently, which is something I haven’t even thought to say in a long time about a male or female. But she has her heart set on someone else. It’s another girl, which reassures me a bit because I now know that if I told her how I feel she wouldn’t cringe and run away. I want her to be happy, and if getting this girl is what does it I hope they live happily ever after.
The only thing is, this girl isn’t too into the one I… “like”. She’s wishy-washy about the whole girlfriend/girlfriend thing, whereas I am not and neither is the girl I have my eyes on. I never realized how confusing teenage romance is until now.
Oh, and I realized that emotionally and romantically I’d rather be with another girl but I think I kind of like guys for… the other stuff, not necessarily sex or anything like that. Like I said, it’s really confusing.
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