Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Death why the ******** cant it come sooner? Why must I put up with these useless emotions? I turn around and every three seconds I am cutting my wrist. The pain makes it all go away. Every night I cry to myself because noone will listen. I am hoping that I will be taken from this world and actually be happy for once. I know that will never happen because I am stuck living a life I hate. I am stuck dealing with Liars, theives, back stabers, heart breakers, people who care about no one but themselves. I lay in my bed hoping and wishing for nothing more then death. All I ever wanted while I lived was for someone to love me...sadly when I thought I found that person it turns out that it was all a game. I was nothing more then a doll to them. Someone they knew they would get what they wanted from. When I was pinned by a man who was not mine and almost forced to have sex. My supposed man showed no emotions. Instead he acted like nothing happened. People sit and wonder why my mind is so ******** up. People wonder why I wish to cause pain apon myself. People say I am not normal. I think and do these things because they make me feel better. I may look happy and joyful on the outside, but if you go further and look deep inside me you will see and understand why I do the things I do.

I am the girl no one see's, I am the girl who is never loved. I am the girl who puts on act around others just to hide her pain. I am the girl who hides the world my dark insides. I am the girl who cuts her skin to see if she will bleed. I am the girl who wishes for death every night. I am the who has tried to die but has failed. I am the girl who was put on deppressants thinking that it will make things better. I am the girl who was beaten by a mother that never showed love. I am the girl who never made friends who didnt turn their backs on her. I am the girl who has dealt with more s**t then anyone would ever guess. I am the girl you hear about when you watch the news. I am the girl who was buried tonight because she shot herself in the head. I am the girl who is in her saint heaven.