this feeling is incomparable,
I've tried placing it all week
drowning, so to speak
looking for the sounds of originality in my own voice
...such a fraud
where do you turn when all the directions are crowded?
you spin until you're sick with dizziness
...but you're not dancing alone.
standstill,
and there's always someone standing there with you.
suffocating.
I said,
I'm ******** suffocating
a slow suicide of my own creation,
Shannon, you set yourself up for disaster
at'em, girl, you're a real barrel of laughter,
and such a crooked, cocked and loaded, friend
the barrel's full,
so let's look it down for the second time
...don't piss anyone off with your words,
who do you think you are?
...can't say I know, to myself I am blind-
you sure made a mess out of yourself this time,
everything's falling in around you, once again
...and you have no idea who the ******** you are
failure.
********
and a b*****d, all at once.
daddy's gone,
daddy's gone,
and you saw him ******** die.
it was in your mind,
and you know,
you're "such a different person"
your own mother doesn't know who you are
oh, smile,
oh, smile,
get out of it someday...
hold still as you waste yourself away
let the heroine break apart,
you can piece yourself back together again someday
such a jigsaw of colors,
and you're out of luck this time,
giving away every tool it took to create
your own little piece of heaven,
the masterpiece you built to be ripped apart
and as I lay here, drowning
my last words are still a cliche mess to be broken down
hunted for in meaning,
as if they hold the answers to my thoughts
...you don't know jack,
breathlessly written into silly lines,
pathetically carved into,
sparkled in stars,
perfectly burned,
etched into your mind so clearly
...so ******** fake,
so hopeless,
...still writing.
_______________________________________________________----
it's the cost of individuality,
broken in to the point of wear and tear,
you're singing a flatline symphony,
and I missed my cue to scream the melody
the tragic flaws swirl around
lipgloss-coated promises,
spilling out half-hearted apologies
wrapped around self-written eulogies
I'm screaming for something different than this
with shattered dreams of a razorblade romance
they sharpen their words to a precise kind of precision
to cut and tear away at themselves and anyone who will listen,
bleeding to the tune of your flatline melody
the smell of smoke covers the alcoholic scent
running down every strand of hair in spin cycle,
down the core of the strawberry redolence
wrapped around a temporary ignorance
shattered of your flatline symphony
it's broken in all the right places,
all the right kinks for all the right screams,
your mouth turned down and your life laid out,
kinked and cracked wings wrapped in nonsensical poetry
drowning out the melody of your flatline symphony
hopelessly trapped in candy-coated glass,
too "xXx.//pr-..ett____Y" to indulge into
your gluttony, paused attempt, rescue your heart
from all that's cornered
your edgey little growl,
with a touch of sympathy,
a broken melody,
your flatline symphony.
_______________________________________________________----
streaked stars paint brilliance into dark matter,
leaving traces of glitter over the broken, shattered
glass moon, left missing and empty of washed-out lyrics for months
december lies beneath september's fights, restless shivers
grapple with the cold, blanketing weak hearts in the bitter snow,
ripped, scarred paws tread across the wooded fog,
frozen eyes glass over in time with warming minds
bursts of memory fall across my face, illuminating dreams
I watched myself live out in an overzealous, constant jealous state of being
don't fall, angel
grace wrapped in torment leaves you discontent,
your wings are splattered with grays of loneliness,
and your smiles tell me of a past untold
so hide your feathers
and let me in, let the truth unfold
glass jaw's broken and scattered across the floor,
the sun's been out and lurking,
and we still come back for more
night sky falls upon an ocean scene so clear,
only to be burnt and set ablaze
by the whispers in your ear
I'm listening, I'm listening
for a way to get out of this,
taking you with me,
away from loneliness
celestial angel,
your voice gives me wings
fireworks trailing down my lips
as the sky began to sing
sparkle,
dim and fade,
I'm listening
for a way to get out of this,
take me away
a carousel gleams with a mirror's falsehoods,
telling beauty and glamour to those who gaze upon
the misleading glitz,
and oh,
how I wish to glitter
((fly away,
turn into me, a butterfly--
take me away
from this suicide))
bluebonnets grasp a
trembling storm,
and I leave here
within the wind,
in your eyes
((fly away,
turn into me, a butterfly--
take me away
from this suicide))
_____________________________________________________----
Get these turbine voices out of my head,
they've become disturbing, to say the least
Sing me to sleep,
I won't fight it while I dream
I'm losing harmony
with the voices I once knew so well,
fallen victim to a freakish
piano-style fallout, with notes so dull,
so incoherent, no self-control
((....xx))
Chimera,
Chimera romance,
dancing with disaster
in a nightmare with no chance
for a sane survival
((so take me hand.))
Don't forget this,
I'm losing memory
((please, don't forget me,
please, forgive me.))
I apologize,
it's just the medication talking,
I'm a little worn and broken down here,
cluttered scraps of paper curled into cast-out balls,
crowding the ideas of inspiration,
((or maybe I just ran out of fantasies this time.))
Allow me to cut this short,
excuse me for wasting my breath
on a hopeless cause,
but I need the answers,
and I need them fast,
I'm losing my sanity
to my broken past.
The rhymes are repetitive,
and the smiles have become fake,
I never believed I would realize
what it's like to be on the outside
looking into what I say.
Chimera,
Chimera romance,
dancing with disaster
in a nightmare with no chance
for a sane survival.
So whisper me so softly,
where do I go now?
None of it matters,
so long as you're here.
((I thought you'd abandoned me that night,
when I found myself trapped in another snowstorm,
seconds after a single cloud covered our moon))
Walk with me,
sing to me,
save me from these voices
in my dreams.
x.chimera,
chimera,
dim reality.
Gazes past these grim uncertainties
losing myself,
unwilling.
.... tenfoldscreams.
I'll scream my ******** lungs out to make it all go away,
((but, my dear, your delicate voice must be preserved))
a delicate voice is nothing without the melody to back it up by.
((and we all know melodic isn't the first word that comes to mind.))
((an improvement, to be sure, but never delicate to listening ears))
allow me to rip your skull out with the harsh tear in my throat,
can you hear me breaking my lungs in two?
Let me show you what a broken voice can do.
Lack of self-respect,
I guess you could call it that
Better than finding yourself completely undefined,
oh, the irony of a talentless state of mind.
((where's your pen and paper now?
You're losing your nicks,
the blood just thins and dries out--
where's the quality we once knew?))
Ink bleeds from reddened eyes, but you'd never understand
the quality that once flowed from nimble fingertips,
once so inspired by a wasted away romance
that never seemed to go the right direction,
stars hidden between every crevice of text.
Chimera,
Chimera romance,
dancing with disaster
in a nightmare with no chance
for a sane survival.
Why so broken?
[[tenfoldscreams.]]
_________________________________________________________----
Skip with me through the burning leaves
of these rotting trees,
towards the ever-flowing stream beyond our once broken dreams . xX
Step through perfection, criticize me as you
lead my way with precise inspection,
until you find the flawlessness in my nature
glamour exists in our eyes, you see.
the fairies are shimmering above the snowy ground,
dusted lightly for tiny feet to balance on,
wishing for the age of wings and flying atop
angelic hopes on clouds of silkened, cotton candy ropes
the sun fades,
and the stars hang themselves
as moonlit lights,
guiding our way back home,
((to smiles and content silence))
red beat,
rock candy explosions
fireworks shake the sky,
illuminating
and reflecting
off of your eyes
flourish out.
. .
.
. . .
. . .
. . .
a one-two melody
I awoke to your arm across my waist,
and looked past to see you dozing
and ocean-gazing in your sleep
your hair fell perfectly across your face,
a shattered window shadowing you in,
flattering you with
the deepened red particles falling from the night's air
dusting your hands with slips of winter
so sleep,
sleep beyond the everyday sounds
celtic droplets,
we're raining down on the patterns
of untold lullabies,
we're finding magic here.
fiery and spellbinding,
the fairies light up in their lamps to match the glow
still radiating throughout the sky,
soon to die out,
but never forever.
a musicbox symphony hovering over celestial beings
covering the seams
of our stitched-up sky we fell through
wake up, my angel
so we can take the air in through our wings,
fly through the stars,
and sing
_______________________________________________________----
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Stroll through my head.
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