• In life there's alway someone to tell you "I love you" before you're twenty...and there are some who will believe. I was one, and if that someone came back...I'd believe him.

    Nicholas, that was his name, and he was the sweetest guitar player. But they always start out like that; sweet, good with his words, nice to be held by, light kisses on the cheek...and then they turn.

    And he did. Three months...seems like an accomplishment right? First boyfried, good looking, smooth talker, decent relationship. Again though I say, first boyfriend.

    He left me. Left me for an older girl after saying "we weren't going anywhere."

    I didn't know where to go!!


    We stayed on "first base". If you want to call it that, and if you do then we never "rounded second"...and so he left.

    But he came back into my life a while later, and we had the sweetest reunion. I've never told anyone but my closest friends...and guy friends...and then they told some of their friends, but you've read this far, so here's a juicy bit.

    It was a...perfect night. The skies were clear, a cresent moon hanging in the sky...a red tint to it that fascinated me as I walked towards the church parish hall with him. I'll skip over the few minute details like how he'd seen me downtown, who I was with at first, and that I went into the parish hall to check up with my youth leader, and tell you that we ended up in the cemetary, and then I ended up in his lap.

    It was the most amazing kiss I'd ever had..every newbie goths fantasy, and it was ruined by the one thing that ruins all things: TIME.

    And then I got in big trouble...but it ment nothing cause he'd come back to me. I know it's silly and fairy tale but it's true, he was my everything again...even though I was grounded for about three months. He and I talked on the phone a lot, since he'd changed schools and all that, and I loved every second of it. Around May when we got to spend a lot of time together during a home town festival called Shrimp Fest. I...I had my most precious moment with him.

    And I loved him..it hurt sometimes to be away from him, but every Friday he'd be there for me, to hold me, to kiss me, to call me his 'baby', and to tell me what I adored him for saying.

    "I love you."


    And I loved him right back. But hearts and heads are opposites that, with me, are weakened easily. And I thought "Wouldn't being with someone I see everyday be better?" And I left him.

    Of course

    it's

    never

    that easy...


    The boy I'd left him for..left me. After like...four days he'd said "We both got out of our relationships too quickly and jumped into this one. I think we should just be friends." And I understood! Really I did, till I heard why he wanted to leave me. Turns out, he left me for a girl that cheated on him within 24 hours. And then he came back...and left again, and this cycle repeated..geez I've lost count. Kate, the tempress of her group of friends. The stained diamond in the den of wolfs, the girl every guy wants to be with. She's what kept him leaving and coming back.

    But it's not her fault she's astoundingly beautiful, it's his fault for being weak. And if he's reading this I want him to know I'm not his toy anymore. He's over her now of course, now that he knows he has no shot with her...but he's not going to really ever be with me soo, give up on me too.

    Actually to all the people who'd ever use me in the future, or people who will just abandon me:

    I'm finished with you!! All of you! To the people who just leave me for dead because there "wasn't enough room in the car." Or "couldn't invite me because there were too many people already." You can all just bite me!

    Worst part is these are people I grew up with! People I trusted and still thought held my friendship...people who I thought respected me.

    ...sorry.


    I'm ranting about current problems and trailing off from the story you want to get back to reading.

    Anyways.


    He kinnda..stalked me. The Friday after I'd dumped him, he skipped his own school just to wait outside my sixth hour building. It scared and excited me, mainly scared. He wouldn't leave me till I said I'd take him back; and I did...for two hours. Three times I'd say "I'll think about it." I felt like Peter crucifying Jesus; only figuring this out a little after he and I started talking again this year. And the way that poor boy is now with the Dragon Lady, it might as well be that way.

    He, Nick I mean, ended up with a girl I'd made friends with, Kass. She'd liked him for a while, and when she ended up with him I felt, for the first time, the harsh strangle hold of jealousy.

    She'd talk about,
    how happy they were, and how lovey-dovey they'd get when his mom or brothers weren't around. How he'd hold her tightly and kiss her so lightly that it'd tickled.


    It killed me inside. My stomach would twist in knots everytime I had to hear his name escape her lips, my head would pound in agony of the rush of memories that she'd remind me of...and my rage would grow when she obviously pushed her better realationship in my face!!

    But my time came again...he and I started talking, well IMing anyways, just a little before winter break. Eventually I called him, and we talked...and talked, and talked. We spoke of the good times, when I'd smile from a joke he'd told me, or when we'd have a moment.

    And it was nice.

    But in the time I haven't seen Nick I met a great guy. Sweet, older, passionate, and a great cook. wink But I can't really see him so if the chance to be with Nick comes along there's a strong chance I'd go back to him....really strong.

    But to summarize this long and melo-dramatic story, I'll tell you like I did Andrew last night.

    "My parents started to hate him..and people started wondering why I would even go back to him and the more I thought on it the more obvious it became to me. Nick and I...we're like rusted magnets. With us there's always a moment of weakness but eventually, slowly but surely, we attract eachother back."

    At least with that I know I'll always have him and my young view on love...