• I sat in a dark corner, waiting for the right person to find me. The one to shine the light on me. The person who would take the time to search the maze of my exterior and get inside, because no one has taken the effort to try to learn who I was.
    So I sat in the corner, crying, knife in hand, because so many people have passed right through without looking for whats underneath.

    I am a teenager, one of the misunderstood lot. I am not one of the confused however. I know that I seek something I've yet to have. It is blind, and childish. I do not forgive myself for my incompetent dream. How could I? Maybe I have found it already, and just as everyone says, I am blind to it. I don't feel it. All I feel is the cold feel of the knife that's stabbing my back.

    There are rafters, perfect. A noose is hanging, and I'm tempted to stand on a stool and place my head in it. I restrain myself with a cut to my arm. Pain is relieving, knowing you can still feel, even though you can't feel a thing. The slow motion of the knife, the precision it takes, the restraint you need to not kill yourself. It's more than slicing yourself.
    I think more walls have appeared. I don't have the strength or the want to walk out and see. This room is mine. It has my blood. My black blood.

    As tall as I am, I'm still sensitive, still human, and have emotions. I seem to forget that people will back stab you because your just not that important to them. Instead, you will find them kissing your loved one, and your loved one kissing back. I never loved him, it was just a want to think I was loved.
    Now I know that being alone isn't all that bad. When your alone, there is no one out there to hurt you, emotionally or physically.

    Shaking, shaking... I'm going insane. I need someone.. I need to know whats happening. I want to wear my best clothes so I'm presentable when I check.. but I'm alone. I don't see a thing but darker than black blood. Maybe.. no, I am insane. I want someone here, and I want to hug the one who's shot me in the heart.
    Make sure those clothes hide those scars. You don't need anyone to worry- who are you kidding? You need someone, to know that your not alone in this place we call Earth. No one is here, but my knife, a noose, a stool and myself. The options, the options.. and I choose to go by the blade once more.

    Break down and cry. Its what I did. I ran. How do you see the one you thought you loved kissing your best friend, and not try to forget, to try to run, as though it never happened? You don't, because if they were your best friend, this scenario wouldn't be happening. I want to sleep, to fall unconscious. I want to live. I need to. As long as my heart beats, I have no reason to die. Maybe I should cook, and clean. I love doing those things. It clears my head.
    I shunt forget the music. There's a song made for every emotion, including loneliness, and craving. I want to crawl in a hole, and bawl my eyes out. I've no idea what I've done to deserve whatever I'm feeling now.
    Or Karma is just coming back, big time.

    I breathe deeply, wondering why I refuse to die, why I desire to find this certain someone. No one will find me. I disappeared off the face of the Earth long ago. My heart does not want to beat, it wants to stop. I want to drown in the endless sea of what I see. Yet, I'm already underwater, under the cover of the dark. I have no friends. Everyone has turned around, and I'm facing the other way, ready to leave. But I want to follow them, I want to know where they are going. Thoughts are swimming in my head.
    I want to forgive myself, but I can't. I've lost myself in my own creation of who everyone thinks I am. Forgive me, but until I find myself, I don't think I will be found any time soon. Please proceed to exit my life as everyone else has.