• 8


    Surprisingly, I participated in classes. I’m the kind of student who didn’t usually spoke out during lectures but always was competitive during exams. Although I didn’t belong to the dean’s list compared to my sister, I never fail my subjects. My friend and I belong to the commoner of the university just like our friends. The one who laughs when there is something funny and stops when it is over. We hate labels. That’s why we did our own things, wore our own fashion statements, and played our own games. Besides, no one told us to do what they are doing. They just set the rules and gave us the options.

    I had my day right. It was like I could do everything. Even though I was doing well, I can’t deny the fact that she hasn’t phoned me yet.
    Monday night; 10 pm. lying down in my bed, I looked at my phone atop a brown wooden desk with a set of compiled books. An opened window beside me welcomes the wind of rain, suddenly; the longest hand of my wall clock beats with the falling tears of heaven. My ear craves for her whispers, my eye wants her smile, my hand seeks the softness of her palm, and my heart screams her name. I don’t know what to think or what to feel. All I know is; I really miss her.

    Two days have flown too fast but I wasn’t able to get neither text nor call from her. After realizing that this was not a joke anymore, I decided to go at their house. I stepped out in a jeep at the front of their village, an executive one, known because of some residing celebrities. In fact, a current commercial advertises the village highlighted by a cuddly little child.
    9

    The last time I went here was last Sunday; 4 days ago. 2 streets more and I found myself standing at the front of their house. Now, I can clearly see the place where my dream lives. But something was wrong. I moved forward, seeking from the black gate, asking why their main door is opened wide and why their furniture has to be coated with white cloth. One of the maids noticed me. ‘’Yes? Can I help you? She yelled.
    ‘’I’m looking for…’’ I stated the name, ‘’is she here?’’
    ‘’wait!’’ she came closer with raised eyebrow from predictable disgust.
    ‘’Haven’t she told you? They migrated to States last Monday. I’m sure they’ll settle there together with their parents. Who are you by the way?’’ she said. But I walked away before another word stab my heart out. Looking down, I immediately exited their village. I can’t breathe properly; it was as if I fail my major subject, as if I crashed my laptop. But above all, it was as if I lost a loved one and my life.

    I went home with a frown. We had no classes today since the president played again with the dates of national holidays. I blankly walked up stairs and unconsciously slammed my door.

    ‘’Am I a toy? Is everything just a game? Where is she? Why didn’t she told me? How could she do that? What about that date? How about those laughs? Did she receive my voicemail? How about the kiss, does it even matter?’’ these questions ate me alive. I can only hear the rapid beats of my heart and can feel the tears I held back. Flipping open my phone, I tried and tried to call her. I didn’t want to give her up.
    10

    Can somebody wake me up from this nightmare? My head aches. Accidentally holding her hand made me feel dumb but falling for her made me feel dumber. I started blaming myself and regretting all the things that had happened. ‘’If only I saw it coming, this wouldn’t happen again.’’ I muttered abruptly tears fell down expressing my thoughts. I wanted to ask her what happened. After all, neither of us didn’t say ‘I love you’ but does it really matter, specially now, when things went too fast? I fell so hard and it really hurts. In an instant, I learned what head over heels is.

    She would have met my friends. I would have taught her how to play the guitar. We would have watched movie together and would have eaten a lot. We would have had a great time together. But all things shattered because she’s gone.

    As time goes by, I learned to accept that she’s gone. Though I still don’t know if want to see her, I’m sure I will not. She left me with a scar, with a dream, with a grave, and with lot of questions.

    Once in awhile, I find myself still thinking about her. I just smile every time I pass through the food court and sigh every time I go to the fourth floor. But I chose not to come near the grocery store. Am I bitter? Maybe yes because no one has answered my question yet.

    And now here I am, inspiring my sister with my words. I’m currently moving on and thinking to finally go out with her best friend. Who knows, I might get over her.
    11


    Sometimes it just takes 1 week, 1 day, or 1 hour to get struck by true love. And if it does, in countless ways, you’ll never be the same as before. Every day we go out interacting with lots of people but only chosen ones will leave a mark although sometimes it is not the way we wanted. But I don’t know. No one knows what will happen next. I might see her, I might write it down again, or I might leave it here forever.