• Waking from the deep sleep that I had fallen into last night, after swallowing down glass after glass of wine, drinking myself into a state of unconsciousness, I grasped the alarm clock and slung it across the room and listened to it clatter to the floor. My head throbbed and the light streaming through the open curtains stung my eyes and sent me hurtling my head back towards my pillow.

    The day had finally arrived. The wedding day. The day my life was to be ripped to shreds.

    I wandered blindly to the bathroom and stepped into the icy cold water which ran all across my body. I re-emerged shivering and covered in goose pimples. I wrapped myself in a dry towel and found myself going through the contents of my freezer and pulling out a tub of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream. Eating my way to the bottom of the tub, tears began to slide down my cheeks, yesterdays mascara running down my pale cheeks. The phone rang and I just sat there staring into the empty tub, looking for some meaning to life.

    After a while I got to my feet and pulled the turquoise satin dress on over my pyjamas and quickly smothered my weary face with a thick layer of foundation and a fresh coat of mascara so I could continue with the panda eyed look.

    I got into my car and drove to my childhood home. There he was in his crease free penguin suit, his black hair flopping softly over one electric blue eye and his radiant smile showing off his pearly whites against his dark tanned skin. He looked at me and came running over embracing me in his strong arms. I inhaled his warm scent and pressed my head against his chest, hearing his gentle heartbeat. I pretended for a moment that I could be content, but it was all ripped away at the site of her in the white meringue dress, her bouquet of red roses clutched tightly in her hand.

    I remembered sitting for countless hours with her, telling of my fairytale wedding and here it was. My groom, my dress, my bouquet, but I was not the bride. The bride was just the double for the photos, the double he would spend the rest of his life with, whereas I slowly fade into the background, with nothing but fond memories and a heart of ice, shattered into a million shards.

    I climbed emotionless into the Limo along with my sister, and we rode silently to the little chapel. She squeezed my hand but I merely blinked at her, before leaving the car and taking my stand next to the other brides maids. The music started up and the bride waded up the aisle her long veil trailing along the ground sweeping up the confetti that littered the ground, I glanced sideways at the groom for any signs of regret, but he stood beaming at his bride in her oversized dress as she wound towards him. I stood frozen to the spot, holding back the tears that I secured behind my eyelids as they each said their vows. I fought the temptation to object, feeling my legs quiver and my heart skip a beat as the vicar called, "I now pronounce you husband and wife."

    After the ceremony I rode with the newly weds in the limo. I felt sick as they clambered all over each other. Once back at the family house I headed for the closet, finding a thick rope and then pacing slowly up the stairs to my old room. It was full to the brim with my sisters belongings. Everywhere I looked things reminded me of her. I wrote a note so that they could pretend to understand how I am feeling. No one knew how I was feeling. I place the pen to the paper and slowly scribble down words with my trembling hands.

    Then I walked towards the noose and wishing that things could be different as I slipped the rope around my elegant neck. I stepped up onto a chair took one last breath before I kicked my support away and felt the rope strangling me and rubbing harshly. I thrashed about for a bit, but my body grew limp and I stayed swinging there hair splayed across my pale face and mascara ears running down my chalky cheeks.

    I felt a sense of relief as I drifted upwards, seeing my fragile body hanging there and I whispered, "I love you," before dissapearing. My soul is finally able to rest and be at ease and I slowly fade into the distance, walking hand in hand with my deceased father.

    Life without love isn't worth living.
    Never stop loving.