|
Why can't a good day stay good? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
School was great. Until some point in english. I don't even know what threw the switch. I was fine all morning. I didn't even feel the temptation to glance over my shoulder durning english. But then, while I was reading my book, I felt like I was going to cry. I can't explain it. THe book wasn't making me sad; actually, it was a really funny part. But I just wanted to cry. Then in history, I almost started crying. No real reason, once again. I know I wasn't getting upset about listening to people's prom date possibilities; I was too busy laughing at Sarah's chart to care. I broke down in Spanish, though. It was stupid. I noticed a 0/30 on my grade sheet, and it brought my grade down to a 93.3. No big, really. I only needed a 94 to pull it back up, but I just had a horrible reaction to it. turns out, I really had done the homework, but for some reason I hadn't turned it in. That's impossible, though! It's the homework I was helping half the class with 5 minutes before the bell! I didn't want to turn it in, even after I managed to find it; it didn't seem fair to get credit for late homework. But interfering Jessica Baer just grabbed my binder, took my homework out, and handed it over. It's not like I really needed the points. So, my average is a 98 right now. So I can get something other than an A on the exam, not that it matters. I've never gotten lower than a 95 for that class. Sheesh.
The worst part was not being able to control it. I could feel myself spinning out of control, but I couldn't do anything to stop it. I was getting close to hyperventilating, it was so ridiculous! I'm just glad no one would ask me why I had gotten so upset. They'd just assume it was because of the missed homework. Truth it, that's not it at all. I freaked out completely because of my promise to myself. After my dumbness in the 2nd quarter of 9th grade, I promised myself, I swore to myself, that I would never, ever let myself do better than my best ever again. My best is an A. Not a B. The grade freaked me out, even though I've pulled off trickier grades in the past. I'll just bet that the people in my class think I'm more of a freak than ever.
But I'm not sure that's the only reason I was crying. It's one of my old "straw that breaks the camel's back" thing. No, I think I started it myself, this morning. I saw someone finishing filling out the Eucharistic Minister form. I had toyed with the idea of applying, even seriously considered it, but one thing stopped me. My hands. I could never never never do it because of my horrible, dirty hands. Anyway, that tought reccured to me this morning. That might have brought it on. Well, whatever did, it certainly took off at some point during english, and that is the part I really don't like.
I'm still tired from all that. Crying wears me out, not to mention my lack of sleep due to my staying up to read Twilight. It was good, but I couldn't sleep before I finished it because my head just kept buzzing with the possibilities. I like Bella. I sort of get where she's coming from. And this is one book where the sensory details are excellent. I've never experienced anything like what's described in the book, but I can still feel it, all the same. New Moon is pretty good so far, as well. Poor dear. She lost the one she loved, and it's all she can do from keeping the hole in her chest from ripping her apart.
~nepie
 nepie · Mon Mar 12, 2007 @ 09:25pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
