I was lying in bed; I'd just had dinner. The lights were off, my bed was wonderfully comfortable and I was halfway asleep when I heard him whispering in my ear. I tried to ignore him as best I could, but he eventually got on my nerves enough that I had to answer. He was asking me if he could come out and play sometime. Just for a little while, he said. Only at night. Nobody has to know. It'll be just between us. Back then, his name was Rowe. I'll refer to him by that name from now on. I haven't heard from Rowe since I was sixteen years old. I guess what happened the other night must have triggered something inside of me. Brought him back out again. I kept telling him that I didn't want him around anymore, that things were so much better with him gone. But Rowe kept telling me that I'd abandoned him. He said he'd always been there when I was at my lowest, always picked me up and shielded me from whatever pain was thrown my way by allowing 'me' to dissappear while he took my place.
He made a good point.
He said all he wanted to do was to be recognized. To be acknowledged. To be let out of his prison once in a while. Just to breathe a little, to stretch his legs. I said I didn't think it was a good idea. I reminded him what happened the last time he was let loose. I won't do it again, he promised. I wouldn't hurt you. I was only trying to protect you. You never did those things, Aramis. I did. Yeah, but I got blamed for it, I told him. I couldn't let it happen again. I didn't want to go back to the psych ward. If we go back to the psych ward, you can just sleep. I'll be here, in your place, so you don't have to feel the hurt. Or, we can avoid it altogether by not letting you out. Please, he begged. Please. Just for a little while. Just at night. Nobody has to know. I just wanted him to be quiet. "Go home, Rowe," I told him. But I already am home, he said. And then things got quiet again. I eventually went back to sleep, but it left me wondering if I might ever see Rowe again. I'm afraid of him... but I'm more afraid of wanting him to return.
 Bleeding Apocalypse · Fri Mar 11, 2005 @ 02:16pm · 3 Comments |
