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i just watched silent hill, and it mad me sick, those things moving remind me of what dark entities looklike, twisted and tortured all because of themselves, all because they couldnt take the harshness of this world, tho i understand, its done one hell of a job on me, y im not a dark entity, well thats because my angel saved me, thats y i cant and wont ever turn on him, cuz i know ive been here often, i may have been a dark entity many many years, drowning in my own patheticness thinking, y is this happening to me, and maybe im getting all my karma back in this life for all the lives ive lived as a dark entity. he may have been trying to rescue me on the other side, and came here to save me and learn. i dont know for sure if im dying, but if i am, im going tpo heaven because he stoped the sickening blackness in me. animals that were sweet to every1, mainly 1 do0g i cant remember others, would go blood thirsty near me and go for my jugular, tho tty stayed by my side, oh i feel so sick, it takes time to change, im not perfect, but im a white entity, and it has nothing to do with colour of skind, should i say light entity? i dunno, he might b my soul mate,, soul mate doesnt meamn lover, or meant to b with eachother, just a soul just like the other. many kinds of love, love is 4ever, just like us. if i die im never going to 4get the few who have changed my life for the better these few months, also fam and my beloved catrina. i dont like being alone, i am alone because of what ive done, but im not anymore. i feel so sick, , i wonder if i will die b4 my mri, how ironic, its creeping up on me. im so scared to b turned away again, let me go to what we call heaven, , thats the sad thing, its an automatic if u feel bad or wonder if ur doing the right thing, yet rewligions damn us to hell which doesnt exist, wait yes it does, damn us here so we come back without rest, from here until we r wasted in life, while ur young yopu feel old and decrepid and worn out. i dont get real love because i never earned it or i did and possiobly did something bad, but when i go home i will b loved and i will watch over my loved ones, especially my angel who knows who he is and thinks im insane. but hes going to have such a great life, as soon as im gone, i think he is bearing alot of my pain just to get me to what we call heaven, or im wrong, but i will hold onto this belif because its beautiful and i feel its real. soul mates arnt lovers, they r best friends, could rarely b lovers but more likely friends who watchout for eachother. one takes on a female part the other a male, but we chose what we look like, so we can be either. im scared to fall asleep, im having dreams like silent hill, not chains, ******** up. really horrible, and i wake up sicker then wen i fall asleep......please, dont judge, u arnt here to judge if im sane or not, just to learn, and every death is meant for u to learn something. all i know is i will b at peace. my mind could just b very creative, im lying, just creating, im sorry.
 lil_qt_cat1 · Sun Feb 25, 2007 @ 06:55am · 0 Comments |
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