My friends are feeling pretty down it seems and I wonder if I am one to bring them down. It's just lately my feelings are really confused and jumbled. I don't know why this fight with my life is worthwhile. (I am not thinking of suicide!!!) I mean like if you have a crush on a guy and he gave you some "signals" to say like he likes you... then shouldn't he like say it after a couple months? I mean how much can one girl take against the flood of the world? Against the weight put upon her shoulders? I am so tired of rejection. Of me being weird. Of me and my friends getting ignored because we don't act the same and we don't wear the tight skimpy clothes some do. Rejection is a big word for me lately. I feel it all the time. I was slap happy today. But one thing leads to another. At the end I realized how depression feels... I am so sick of it!!! Why oh why must we be labeled? Why must we feel this hatred against us? Or maybe it's jealousy. I just want to feel wanted right now... and I am not getting that. The thing is no one seems to care. Except for one person no one else gets it. The lonely, rejected, loser category. One person gets it. How long for even some people to get it? Even in my small school... I am told I am beautiful by parents, teachers, and friends. So why can't I get that from anyone else? So maybe I am just not cool enough. Maybe I just don't fit in so I can't join. There goes the saying," If you can't beat them, join them." Well they haven't beaten us but they sure haven't joined us. And I don't think it will ever be that way. But can't one person pull me out of the downpour? Can't one person learn to think about others? Can one person make a difference? Yes. But can one person make a difference in the way people view others? The wave of judgement. Yes, it's always upon me. I have gotten rumors about me, I have gotten a practical joke played on me that wasn't in the least bit funny, yet some people just thought it hilarous. And you know that when they get punished it's hard? Very hard? And they still don't care. Maybe one person can learn soon. Just to talk to me for two minutes one day. To say hi to me in the hall. To ask me to dance once out of three years. 12 dances. No one has ever asked me. Must I always be the one to step forward and ask? Will there be no one to take the lead? Am I always stepping forward? Can they make me step back for once? Take a leap out of that security zone they have in their little world? Can you see why I am mad and confused?
 __Shisuko__11 · Fri Feb 09, 2007 @ 11:33pm · 1 Comments |
