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Tomorrow...I wish I could just pass it by...this wole week has been a struggle to keep myself happy. Choir really helped, everyone in it really helped. I'm trying so hard, but there's just something there that's bothering me, and I can't figure what it is.
I was going through one of my notebooks from last year, and i found this thing I had written. I think the most important bit was this: Nothing's worse than being alive on the outside but dead on the inside. It's true, too. There was also a bit about "just going through the motions." Gee, look how philosophical I get. What is the meaning of life, Grendel? I don't think you figured it out, dude. 'Specially since life's not pointless or meaningless. It's hard to imagine not having a point. But then, what the heck is my point? So far, all I can figure is that I'm just the annoyance to keep people on their toes, esp Jackie, who needs it. I don't make a point of annoying her; it just happens. Sux for her. Sux for me too because she usually snaps at me at the worst times, and I cry.
I hate myself for being so weak. She doesn't matter, yet I still let her get to me. I stand up for other people so easily, but when it comes to standing up for myself, I crumple. I promise to stop doing things, but I cave when the opportunity presents itself.
And yet, I keep telling myself that I'm strong. I also remind myself that it's not all about me. What a horrible world it would be if it were!
Okay, here's my fav quotes from each song on The Open Door CD:
Sweet Sacrifice- "It's true: we're all a little insane"
Call Me When You're Sober- "How could I?"
Weight of the World- "Freefall, freefall, all through life" (best line on the CD)
Lithium- "I can't hold onto me. Wonder what's wrong with me"
Cloud Nine- "I don't have to touch the sky. I just wanna feel that high"
Snow White Queen- "You'll never know the way your words have haunted me"
Lacrymosa- "Grieving the things I can't repair and willing to let you blame it on me and set your guilt free" (I like the music more than the words)
Like You- "You're not alone. No matter what they told you, you're not alone. I'll be right beside you forevermore" (another music-is-better-than-words)
Lose Control- "Oo-o-ooo-ooo" (it's the very end of the song)
The Only One- "All our lives, we've been waiting for someone to call our leader"
Your Star- I don't like this song at all, so I don't have a line from it
All That I'm Living For- "All that I'm living for" (score for un-creative-ness)
Good Enough- (after a minute lead-in) "I-I-I can't say no to you"
~nepie
 nepie · Mon Nov 06, 2006 @ 12:22am · 1 Comments |
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