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So . . . a depressing mood has hit me today. Lucky me (:
If I had the guts, I would stab myself right now for being so stupid and weak. I mean, it's not like I'd kill myself . . . I'd just be bleeding severly > 3>
What's wrong with me anyway?

I have a nice life, a good life, a wonderful life at times . . . but I still feel like I'm living in hell. Like something could be better. Perhaps it's because of having too many emotions? Being too emotional? Being such a big whiney baby that every night you tell yourself to shut the ******** up and keep living?
Dunno~
Why should I even care anymore? I'm not really living for myself . . . there's only one person tying me here, and I'm okay with that. Actually I'm happy with that. Because, without that person, I'd just be floating, lost in this world. And I don't want that. I don't want to be alone. I want to be with someone, to be loved, and to feel warmth.
I have all of that and more, and yet I still long for something. Maybe it's to really feel that person? Maybe my heart isn't quite complete because I haven't gotten what I really want.
I have all I need, I just want him for real.
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At times, I feel really worthless. You too, right? I mean, everyone knows the feeling of having someone better than them. No one is good at everything, and there will always be someone better than you. But what if everyone is better than you? At everything.
What would that feel like? Would you brush it off and just keep thinking, "There will always be someone better than me"? Or would you let it tie down your heart? Be strong or let your knees give out?
I'm a weakling~ I know that already . . . but I hate it when people are better than me. I want to be the one noticed, I want to be the best, the prettiest, all of it! I want to know what it all feels like!
I've thought and thought, but I still can't find anything that I'm better at than other people.
"You're still young, you'll be bad at things for a while."
I know that's what you're all thinking, I can always tell. I think ahead; I seal the loops. It's not because I'm young. It can't be.
Everyone else my age or younger are better than me at everything, they know what their doing in life, they have tons of trophies, awards, whatever. They know everything! They can do everything! They'll be famous when their, like, 16.

I still have yet to find someone, younger or older than me, who doesn't know what they want.

Am I being left out on something here? Does everyone know something I don't? If so, please tell me. I'm tired of always being the last to know.

My body aches everyday with depression . . . it's getting sort of sad . . .

Anways, I don't want to be a bother to the invisible people who might read my journal.
You don't have to bother to comment, really . . .