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Howdy ya'll. Thanks for stopping by again :3 I appreciate it that you continue reading my journal. Even though its filled with boring crap and complaints. BUT TODAY! I have beauty for you all!
'Kay. So . . . long story short, my boyfriend was camwhoring for me last night/today and gave me such wonderful pictures turning me into the rabied fangirl I really am (that whore D:< wink . So now, I'm getting back him, by making him embaressed and posting his picture here in my journal (he's a shy person and hates this kind of thing). But does it really matter? Of course not. He won't know unless I tell him ;3 (which I'm not. Ohoho >.> wink
So, I'm only doing this once. You can look but not touch (you touch, you die :3)
Heeheeheehee x3333 heart heart heart
Oh, for you people who are [possibly] saying, "Ewwww . . . he's UGLY!! DDDDx*"
Go die somewhere mad I don't love him for his looks (even though he's absolutly dreamy x3~~), I fell in love with this handsome man for his personality; don't like it? TOUGH!! scream
Now then, that's out of the way. I must complain D:
It's a tiny matter, if you want just scroll through it, I don't really mind**.
I feel so . . . immature whenever I'm talking to my boyfriend. I just don't get it. I mean, I'm always so giddy and mushy and clingy, and it's awful D:
Could it really be the effects of love? . . . Well probably, but that's not the point! >.<
I feel like he gets so annoyed at me for those reasons (and of course all the other crap I put him through -__-;;; ) even though he says, "No, it's okay" or something along the lines of that. I never wanted to be one of those clingy, tie-their-boyfriends-down type girlfriends, but I feel like I'm turning into one. But no matter how hard I try I can't tear away from it ;-;
Now, I know you all are saying, "Go tell this to someone who cares," or, "Go tell your boyfriend D:<!" Well . . . I can't u.u
I can no longer say these kinds of things (or put-downs(aboutmyself)) to him, because he's at his wits end, and I'm trying to let him recover; hoping he will recover. I've practically been starving myself over this matter (my friend has seen). I can no longer complain to him, and for me, that's hard gonk . I guess you could say I'm one of those girls who need to complain; no matter what I can always find something in the day to complain about, rather it's old or new, I'm able to complain about it. I hate how I am and I'm trying my absolute best to change for him and everyone around me, but I'm starting to think it's failing. And my friends over the net can't say anything about this matter because . . . I've been hiding from them for a long time; I was always fake. Actually I'm fake around everyone u.u I don't even know the real me.
Sad? Yes.
I'm too emotional.
"You're thirteen; get over yourself."
I'm sorry, except, I've stop using that "I'm only thirteen" excuse a long time ago. I doubt I'm really thirteen. It may so on the birth certificate, but my body, heart, and mind are not thirteen years old. So get over yourself.
Listen to this, I can't even defend myself against . . . MYSELF! And that's really sad. I have to use ineffective threats all the time, people just laugh it off. Do you know how much that does to my self esteem? Yeah, I've pretty much lost it. I have no confidence in anything (not even myself), I'm always being a coward, I can't stand up for myself, I hurt others around me.
What am I to do? Sit back and let everything go spiralling? I don't want to, but I think I have to.
Anyone want to know truth about me? I've never worked hard for anything in my entire life, except for one thing. This very relationship that I'm in. That's it. One measly thing that could snap at any instance. That's not very accomplishing . . . any other person out there at my age has gotten top grades in school, won medals in some kind of competition, WHATEVER is it, they've made their parents, relatives, and friends very proud of them. Where do I sit in this? Bottom of the chain. Nothing. Absolutly pure nothing. I'm failing at school, I've lost all my talent, only have at least four friends, I'm a fat, zit-faced freak. I'm pretty much nothing and I can't do anything no matter how much I try.
Just a question for those here among this small crowd, is there still such a word that relates to prevail? Have you seen it lately? Or are you still in it?
Anyways, whatever, I'm digging myself deeper into a hole. Later
* - You're forever on my hate list
** - Actually I really do mind and would like an opinion on this matter
 Olive_the_Monkey_Ninja · Sun Feb 05, 2006 @ 06:04am · 4 Comments |
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