( unedited for .. effect? :"D
'tis a letter from Lovi to Spain after an argument on the eve of their wedding. )
094. Thankful
b*****d,
let me get this out of the way right now because we're getting married tomorrow and there's not really a ******** thing I can do about it, because I'm not about to leave you with Alba and raise her without a father. there's no way i'd let that happen to her because that happened to me and i'm ******** up enough. anyway.
I hate you.
did I not make that clear enough before, or do I have to reiterate myself? because despite trying to tell you and protest and whatnot, OH NO, you still have to cling to me and hug me, call me cute, compare me to a tomato at least twice a day because no, that s**t doesn't get old. you're a total dumbass who took me against my will when I was a kid, forced me into a frilly dress, and you know what? this place is still too goddamn big and cold when you're not with someone and it's too annoying to figure out when I need to get the laundry done or find you after siesta. and no, I really don't enjoy employing my wakeup technique because that just entails a full day of your bitching and my having to take care of you. like I don't get enough of that from Alba?
and I guess i'll come out and say it. i'm ******** scared of this. even right now, watching Alba sleep. it's okay, I can handle kids, but what if you're right and we have nine more and I can't handle that? kids are demanding little money-sucking creatures but you love them with all of your ******** will and more yet they leave you and you have to provide for everything and what if I can't do that? I can't be Rome to them. I can't. Except that has nothing to do with...
Marriage. Oh yeah. ******** you.
I have to marry you. Why... because you're the father of my child and (i've said it before, right?) your a** is magnificent and i'm addicted to your kiss and because you make me feel like i'm worth something and you always always have. You fought for me. Nobody has ever done that for me and nobody ever will.
I'm a b***h. And a very insufferable one at that. I've made peace with that and i'm okay with who I am, I think, and really if anyone else has a problem with that they can do whatever the ******** they want but do I care? No. Nobody does, though, that's the problem. Nobody else but you knows that I have a mole on my hip or that I like sheep or-- no. Nobody wants to know either, but you, and.
I don't get you. You're ******** ... amazing .. and yet you choose to bother me and follow me when you could be happy with someone else, except you couldn't be, and that's why I love you.
Mmmhm.
I said it.
- Lovino.
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