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037. Envious
Lovino Vargas is not jealous of his little brother. No.
He doesn't envy how easily the dork makes friends, how much girls like him straight off the bat, how he always manages to get his stupid a** in a bind yet always has someone who cares enough to go out of their way to pry him out of it.
He couldn't possibly want to get along with that damn kraut, or most people in general. They're all dumbasses, anyway, who are out to annoy him and make his life as much a living hell as possible.
He never wanted to be the jewel in Rome's palm, never wanted to learn to paint from him, and a word of his prasie? To Romano's ears, worthless, of course.
And yet... It cannot possibly be Lovino Vargas who cries himself to sleep some nights, thinking of what he'd have if he were born last, born into sunshine, born with a smile instead of a frown. No, even considering that would be a waste of your time.
049. Happy
He doesn't smile when he feels it.
He doesn't offer a laugh, has no spring in his step or sun in his face. He looks just about the same as every day, slightly annoyed with the troubles the world piles on his poor shoulders.
He isn't like that dumbass Spain, who shows everything so openly, so innocently. He couldn't even consider it.
Happy is a feeling not lost to Lovino, it's simply hard for him to find. Lately, though, seeing that pure sun smile, it's been showing up more and more often.
030. Drained
Lovino misses being pregnant, sometimes. When he is he feels full, somehow, complete, a little off, too, but it's okay. He feels like a cat full of kittens, an easter basket, a christmas present, a cake with something in the middle; expectant, cheerful, like he would glow from the inside out if he weren't Lovino Vargas (Fernandez). He is connected to that tiny little slip of precious life in a way Spain will never be.
Still, seeing the wrinkled pink face, feeling those fingers curl around his, seeing his child's face for the first time through calm eyes; he gets to feeling full all over again, and that, too, is a feeling irreplacable.
 men getting pregnant · Sat Jan 02, 2010 @ 09:49am · 0 Comments |
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