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Just a little tidbit of a story. |
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Part 1: KIRI's POV
Read that again? Okay, good. Now read this:
I looked in the mirror and tugged at the pajama pants Kiri was letting my borrow. They fit quite well, unlike the huge shirt she'd given me with them. It was comfortable and cute, blue with kittens on it, but it was halfway down my thigh. I mean, sheesh, who needs something so big?
Oh, right, this was Kiri. She did have a tendency to veer towards obsessive modesty. That would explain why the PJs she had on seemed to swallow her alive. But if she was comfortable, well, who could fault her?
Sighing, I gave my reflection one last look before opening the bathroom door and walking out into the guest room. I'd slept here countless times when we were younger, but it had been a long time. It had changed a bit in the last 3 years. As I walked out, I glanced towards one new addition: the trash can. I had heard something land in it with a crunch similar to the one her notebook had made when it hit the floor earlier, and sure enough, her notebook was there. I wondered what was in it. It was probably something she wrote. I wondered if it was poetry or stories. She'd said I was kind of her muse. Maybe some of it was about me. But then, I wouldn't think she would just throw something like that away, especially considering how she felt about me. Hmm...
I would have to get a look at that notebook later. I turned my eyes towards the trundle bed, where Kiri was stretched out on the top bed. Her eyes were closed, a pity with her pretty eyes, and her lips were formed into a slight smile, just enough that her dimples showed. She looked so peaceful, and for a moment, I just looked at her. It was strange to think that this girl loved me. I knew she liked me, though I couldn't fathom why and she could never seem to tell me, but for her to be in love with me... that was just beyond crazy. And yet... the look in her eyes when she'd told me, the way she'd held herself as we danced, and the honesty in her voice when she had said she just wanted me to be happy, those things all substantiated her statement. I believed her, but it didn't make this any less strange.
As I thought about this, I realized that Kiri's breathing was very even and slow. She didn't fidget about like she did when she was awake. I grinned as I realized this was my chance! I stepped lightly towards the trash can and reached out to pick the notebook up. I glanced over my shoulder as I lifted it as quietly as possible. Kiri didn't even twitch. Nice. I took two steps and sat on the edge of the lower trundle bed. I opened the notebook slowly and gently. On the first page, a title was written across the top of the page: A September to Remember Forever. I began to read, and I quickly became engrossed in the story. There were two girls in it, much like the way she and I had been at the end of the previous school year: awkward, but close to being friends. It was crazy how much had changed in just the last year. I hadn't been sure if she even liked me anymore a year ago. Some of her poetry suggested it, but it may well have been old poems or just my own biased interpretation.
Suddenly, the story ended. The protagonists had finally managed to get on friendly terms, but the story just stopped, like she had lost her train of thought. I flipped to the next page, disappointed. It had been a good story. I skimmed through the next few pages, just beginnings of stories, none more than 2 or 3 pages, all similar yet different. Then, a few stanzas of poetry. OH, yea, I was definitely her inspiration for these. Yeesh. The poems were simple, but I could see how powerful the feelings behind them were; her love was evident in nearly every line. I noticed a date at the top of a page with a particularly powerful poem, short though it was. It was dated... a year ago!? WHAT? We had barely been on speaking terms! But here was this simple love poem, quite obviously about me, from a time when I knew she never would have dreamed that we would be on good terms ever again, let alone friends. "Wow..." I breathed. She'd kept this bottled up for so long. No wonder she had told me at the dance. It might have been her last opportunity to talk to me face-to-face for quite some time. It was a "now-or-never" situation in her eyes, and she had gone for it. I had a new appreciation for her courage now.
I flipped through a few dozen more pages of poetry before I hit blank pages. I was about to return the notebook to its place when a page with words on it caught my eye. I stopped and flipped back to it. There was a title written across the top of the page in careful, almost elegant lettering. "My Heart's Desire"*. I skimmed the first few lines to get an idea of its content. Two girls, much like us, her standard starting point. I laughed quietly as I continued to read more carefully. Sometimes I wondered if she was even capable of writing about anything but us.** As I read, I realized that Kiri must have worked especially hard on this piece. It was short, just a front and a back of a page, but the badly erased portions and stray arrows pointing to sentences obviously added later were all signs that she had really worked on this story. It meant something to her. When I reached the end, I gasped. This story... was it truly her heart's desire? I couldn't tell, not really. But there was one thing that had been bothering me...
"I'm in love with you, and I want to be with you, and....and I....."
And she what? I'd assumed she'd been about to say that she wanted me to be happy, but the way she'd suddenly cut herself off and run away didn't fit with that statement. The whole "wanting me to be happy" thing was sort of implied with the whole "I'm in love with you" thing. But this... I knew Kiri well enough to know that only something she thought to be extraordinarily embarrassing would keep her from speaking her mind once she had started. She had wanted to tell me, I realized, but she had been afraid of my reaction. I laughed. It was so like her.
A movement from the upper bed alerted me that I'd been too loud. I looked down at the notebook in my hands, then to the trash can, and finally up at the other bed. I started to get up to put the notebook back, but I didn't have the chance.
"Wh--why do you have that notebook?" I turned slowly to face Kiri. Her eyes were wide with fear. She saw what I was reading when I turned, and she gasped. "Oh no! You didn't read that did you? I swear, it was nonsense, just idle prattling. I didn't expect that you'd—" She stopped speaking as I reached up and put a finger to her lips.
"I just have one question. Is this story really what you want?" Her eyes flickered quickly from my eyes to the notebook and back. She didn't want to tell me. This was her last and deepest secret. "Please, just tell me. I won't get mad or anything. If it's how you feel, then I won't hold it against you. I will, however, hold it against you if you lie to me. Please," I pleaded, "I want to know." She looked into my eyes for a long moment before slowly nodding.
"Yes," she whispered, tears forming in her eyes. "I didn't want to tell you... 'cause it's just a selfish little thing. It isn't important at all." I shook my head in disbelief. Not important? Yea, right. It would be pretty important to her if it was something I wanted, I realized, but she had made her own desires secondary. She had put herself secondary to me. Again, I could see that she really did love me. It wasn't that she was normally really selfish, but it was difficult for anyone to put someone else's wants in front of his or her own desires. I was moved. And, suddenly, I wanted her to have something she wanted.
"Well, if it's something you want, then why not?" I asked. Her eyes got even bigger as I spoke, though they were huge already.
"N-no, it's okay, really, it's just a passing thing."
I rolled my eyes and moved to sit next to her on her bed. I took her hands in mine and looked at the side of her face. She was looking at our hands, ashamed of herself. For having wants. For being human. Silly. "Kiri, look at me," I commanded. She reluctantly turned her face to look at me. "Your wants and needs are just as important as mine. I don't want you to ignore what you want in favor of keeping me happy." She shook her head violently, apparently unable to find words. "Okay, okay, fine. I can see that there's no point in trying to convince you of that. But, Kiri..." My face fell a little. "It makes me sad that you're not getting something you want. I ask so much of you, and you want so little in return." I could tell that she was about to protest, but I pressed on. "Please. I'd like to give you this one thing." Then, I acted quickly, before she could shake her head again or find her voice and protest.
I leaned close, as close as we had been when she handed me the pajamas I was wearing, and pressed my lips gently to hers.
Two short notes before I go off and collapse in bed:
*The first title is the only real one, and the story line was (intended to be) completely different. However, I got through like 3 pages and decided it wasn't worth it. Besides, the September it refers to actually ended up sucking massively.
**The author would like to point out that while Aya is being a total jackass with that comment, she is also absolutely correct about Kiri >.> The author would also like to point out that she has written poems about other people like this. Granted, this example is ridiculously old (like 2 years old), but it's an example nonetheless. Interestingly enough, the author has realized that this is the only thing she's posted that's about someone else. And she rather regrets wasting the ink she wrote it with and the time she took to type it -.-
Heck to the yes, I actually wrote something. All of this was off the top of my head, so if it's repetitive or disjointed, I apologize. It's 1:45 in the morning ^^;;;
~sarapi
OHMIGAWD IT'S SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I <3 Kira for texting me and waking me up at 8 so i could be the first greystone girl out in it!! I walked to campus and bak before anyone got up! it's so pretty, and now i'm cold XD what i wouldn't give for a warm body to cuddle with right now...like a kitty XDDDD
 nepie · Sun Mar 01, 2009 @ 07:43am · 0 Comments |
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