its...an update.
life is crazy and complicated...relationships suck (at least any i've been involved in) and i hate it! school is just boring and a waste of time...graduation is months away and i'm still on schedule to graduate on time and everything. after graduation...hopefully i'll have a job and everything by then. and if i have enough money and a car i want to move to canada...then apply for permanent residency...and after that i have to live there for 3-4 years before i can become a citizen. but its worth it.
..feeling sick to my stomach...because i'm talking to erin. this girl makes me insane. going out with her wasn't a mistake...being her best friend and going out with her...breaking up with her...and going out a second and third time was the mistake. and continuing to be her best friend after all of it and talking to her on a daily basis was a mistake...all the 2 and 3 am phone calls were mistakes...the hundreds and hundreds of folded up notes stuffed in a briefcase in my room were a mistake....sex was a mistake all of it! me ever caring about her and trusting her was a mistake...letting her play headgames and knowing the entire time what was going on was a mistake. paying her 350 dollar ticket was a mistake. telling her i loved her was a mistake. talking to her right now is a mistake. telling her how i still feel about her is a mistake. asking her to not go to the party shes going to on saturday night is a mistake! ...and she'll make her mistakes on saturday night because thats what she does...make mistakes. and she sees me making them constantly and tells me i'm ******** up...and when she makes hers...i'm never around and she doesnt stop herself so what happens...she calls me afterwards and tells me what a terrible person she is...i ******** hate this s**t!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i want it to be over...make it go away...release me...
my hidden passion...its calling me...well one of them is calling me. and its definetly not the story book that i write in...its that shiny black box...with the pewter skull on the top, its filled with various things...razorblades, needles, broken glass, jewelery, sewing pins, blood covered toothpicks....damn that stupid box. she told me when we broke up about a month ago...that she still had feelings for me. and i told her the same. and since then everything is downhill...theres a new girl i'm interested in her name is andy. she's a freshman and she's cute and she seems to like me...she spent 20 minutes on monday during lunch chewing on my neck just for fun. when she was done...she whispered that i tasted good. god i want this girl...and if i involve myself with her (knowing i should because she's 14 and i'm almost 18 and she's got more emotional problems than i do) what the ******** do i do about erin in a few months when her and i start getting close again for no reason...if i start a relationship with another girl...erin shows her true character and starts with me ******** with my head some more. if i dont pursue this new interest then it just goes away and i put up with erin until i move to canada...what the ********!!!
i've been ranting a good long while now so i'm done for the night.
 [Badattitude666] · Thu Oct 27, 2005 @ 05:23am · 1 Comments |
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