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Father's Pathetic Wake-up Call |
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Today, Saturday, my father woke me up at 9:30 by ripping off the covers pouring a glass of chilled water on me. I got rather annoyed at this and tried to back to sleep, simply to spite him. Five minutes later, he repeated his action. Both times he seemed inexplicably angry. I don't get it. It's a weekend.
Getting homework done, getting through the day, etc., is my problem, not his. And if anyone should be angry about this whole scene, it should be me. But I'm not so much annoyed that he woke me up by pouring a glass of cold water on me as I am about why he did it.
It really doesn't make any sense. He knows quite well that if I am annoyed, I do the opposite of what the offender wants me to do (i.e., going back to sleep even though I wasn't very tired, even putting water aside), so waking me up or otherwise forcing me to do something is extremely counterproductive. And he suddenly became even more enraged when I calmly asked him why he would bother with water on a weekend while trying to dry my hair on a small, somewhat dry corner of a sheet. It was rather random. I don't get it.
He does extremely illogical things rather often simply to satisfy his own emotions, which he seems to be unable to set aside to achieve even small, day-to-day goals. He satisfies his spontaneous feelings at the cost of accomplishing the goal that sparked them, rather than calm down for a moment to complete a task.
Additionally, he has always expected me to respect him without giving me cause to. He simply can't seem to grasp the concept that, to me, each person must be evaluated, judged, and given respect through their actions both towards me and in my presence. Titles, physical relation, hearsay, gossip, and even credible information from my close friends hold no sway in this process. Only my own experiences and observations count when I judge someone, and he can't seem to comprehend that. He expects respect for free, and becomes angry when I don't particularly respect him (I never talk back, though I may rationally mention a point without any added emotion if I find a logic flaw in something he wants me to do; I never cuss at him or become angry or distraught, no matter how much I want to; in short, I don't disrespect my father per se, I simply don't respect him any more than I would a stranger) even though he has done nothing to earn my respect.
He also seems to become even angrier when I never emotionally or physically respond to his cussing and screaming fits, during which he often becomes red in the face and sometimes pounds a hand on an inanimate object, or, occasionally, tosses one. I'm not quite sure what he wants from me, but if it is for me to show how I'm feeling during these rants, I do not ever intend to do so. Revealing my anger would only lead to an unproductive, drawn-out shouting match that would accomplish nothing and waste both our breaths and times.
In short, I really don't understand my overly-emotional father, especially when he becomes angry and flies off the handle, abandoning all semblance of logic and rationality. Oh well. I'm not entirely certain I want to understand anyhow. To understand may require me to become such a person, which I would prefer to avoid at all costs.
 PyroAurah · Sat Dec 06, 2008 @ 07:17pm · 0 Comments |
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