I've had a heavy heart all day. It's slightly unnerving not knowing why your depressed about something. Then again there ARE a lot of things going on in an 18 year olds life that can't really be explained or have tabs kept on. Went to hang out with a couple of the people from high school, it was nice reminiscing. I like reminiscing, makes me feel like I'm old though.... It got me thinking too on the way home, if im an adult. And what exactly it means to be one. After much speculation with myself in the 5-10 minutes time span from silver diner to my house, I decided on one thing. It's a lot like the word love. It really can't be explained, or have an exact definition. It's more of a concept, just like love. So if it's just a concept that no one really understand then how does one find out when they "become" an adult? Sure you can legally become one at 18, but acting like one is a different story. My parents tell me to act my age, which entitles being fair and responsible. The funny thing is though, when they get angry they give you the silent treatment or give you dirty glares when your not looking much like you find kinder gardeners doing. Or is being an adult, when you find yourself with a family several years from now and your looking back on your teenage years regretting getting old? Well much like being an adult and me lacking in it I'm also lacking in the concept of love. So perhaps I'm just a man with out concepts? Who knows. One thing that I discovered tonight though, is that I seem to punish myself with out trying. Like there was this get together, and I decided to postpone my project to that time. I later found out that I probably would have had a really fun time. I'm just one giant contradiction. On a lighter note, I get the feeling that I'm appreciated as a friend. Not just to Kelly 'cause she shows that all the time, but Joel actually went out of his was to start a conversation with me. For once I didn't feel like I was along for the ride, but that I was actually being active. Also the night seemed to end far to open ended for my liking, not that we were doing something that left for more opportunities. It's just that something loomed over me when I was dropped off at home. I think Kelly is slightly upset that Mike set me up on that date for this Saturday. Which also happens to be the same night she invited me to go cosmic bowling with her and her sister. I feel like I just can't do enough for anybody now-a-days...... Well now, that's a lot more then I expected I would type this night. One last note, I finally decided what my favorite band is I think. It's probably Everclear. I think its because their so depressed, yet pissed off about it, and not in a whining way either. Anyway, that's it for tonight folks.
*click*
 melidserke · Fri Nov 12, 2004 @ 05:44am · 0 Comments |
