I'm so let down al lthe time from my mum.
I mean she's all nice once,
then once she's running 'late' on things,
she turns on only me.
she gets so mad at me and rants at me about even the slightest thing to.
she even cools off and bes nice to my brother and sister,
cept me.
she always gets mad at me for the most smallest of things.
especially when i'm down,
she just watches me and just makes me suffer even more.
what makes it even more heart breaking and depressing,
is that she tries to suck up the next day.
i wish that she doesn't bull s**t around wit hme anymore,
she doesn't know this,
and mainly no one knows but,
i'm not as hard-core or as tough as i seem.
i'm actually avery sensitive person.
:/
i get hurt easily,
but suck it up and hold it all inside,
so i don't cause anyone else to suffer.
i'd rather have it only me suffer than others.
i try everyday to make as much people happy as much as possible.
except my family,
to me they don't deserve a perfect little sister,
or a perfect little daughter.
for everything they've done to me!
all the lies,
teasing,
false incoragement,
dismay,
disadvantages,
and also,
the crushing of my realities.
they will feel everything they've turned on me,
twice as much one day,
they'll all rue the day they tormented me enough to be and think this way!
my happy and foolishly blinded childhood,
was actually a living hell.
the one person i actually loved then was mum,
and now,
she's the one i hate the most.
she always lets me down,
and expects perfection.
well i'm not perfect and try my hardest.
here's something direct quote that she said,
'your trying hardest isn't good enough! it has to be perfect!'
and when i was a kid troubled with math she said this to me when i couldn't get it right
'you stupid little s**t!'
makes me wonder where i get the curse words from.
oh well.
i hope people can relate to me ^^
so i can get advice how to deal with this,
and so i won't be alone :]
because i'm on the very edge of insanity and suicide.
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